The Affair
by readingmama
Summary: Bella is married to her favorite Cullen. What happens when she tries to connect his past with his future? Will their marriage survive? AH/AU
1. Chapter 1

**A/N- Hey everyone I hope you enjoy my new fic here. I hope that you will give me some feedback and let me know what you think so far.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight and associated characters are not mine.**

Chapter 1

At the age of seventeen I met the man I was going to marry. He was a little reluctant at first but I had convinced him in two short years to marry me and at the ripe age of twenty, I was married to the man of my dreams.

My husband, I smiled even thinking it, was frankly the most beautiful man in the world. The ancient Greeks would have used him as a model to carve their gods. Everything about him screamed sex and yet he was level headed about it and dare I say even modest.

We had been married for two weeks and I couldn't wait for the rest of my life to start. I changed my name and had practiced signing Bella Cullen for the month leading up to the wedding. I wanted to have it just right.

I felt a little bit of pressure becoming a Doctor's wife, but he had assured me that nothing would change. I would just move into his house and we would continue our lives as before. We would just do it together. He was so sweet that way, always reassuring me no matter how silly my fears were.

My Dad, Charlie was a little less than thrilled with the idea of me getting married. He said that I was too young and then continued to go into great detail of his divorce from my Mom. She had left with me when I was two and he never got over it. The thing that he didn't seem to realize is that my marriage was going to work because we both felt that way about each other. It wasn't a lopsided love as it was with him and my mom.

My mom had gotten remarried to a baseball player 10 years her junior so she was a little more relaxed with our age difference. How can you put an age restriction on love anyways? Still my Dad did suck it up and he walked me down the aisle. It was nice to have all of my family there because my husband's family was mostly unable to attend. He shrugged it off, but I know it hurt him that they didn't make the effort.

I glanced down at the king sized bed in our room and thought back to our wedding night. He was so gentle and caring with me as it was my first time. After we made love he held me and told me how much he loved me and that he couldn't wait to start our lives together. I hobbled to the kitchen the next morning and prepared him breakfast in bed. He laughed at me for going to the trouble but moaned while he ate so I knew that he enjoyed it.

We spent the next ten days in Fiji on our honeymoon. Now in Washington, where we live, there is not much sun shine so we had never really been swimming together. I had seen him in various states of undress before but never in the sun. My husband in a bathing suit was enough to send the villagers into a tizzy. His body glistened in the sun; I would say it almost shimmered brighter than the two carat diamond that he had bought as an engagement ring.

I came back to the present, breathing slightly erratically from the remembrance of the last two weeks. The phone was ringing and I wasn't sure how long that had been going on. I ran to the phone tripping over the corner of the bed and face planting on the floor. I quickly got up and grabbed for the cordless.

"Hello," I said out of breath.

"Hey, baby, how are you?" my Adonis answered back.

"Much better now. How is your first day back at work?" I asked him trying not to pout. I wanted to keep him home with me all the time.

"Slow, some days I miss the buzz of the ER."

He had left the hospital to go into private practice. He said it was because the money was better but I knew the real reason.

"I know, but the regular hours are certainly better for me," I teased. "Do you want to meet for lunch?"

"I'd love to but I can't I'm meeting with a new doctor today. You remember I told you I was looking for another pair of hands around here."

"Right, okay. I'll see you later then?"

"You bet, I love you, Bella"

"Love you too, Dr. Cullen" I said giggling. It always turned him on when I called him that.

I hung up and headed down to the kitchen. Our place was freaking huge. I grew up in a small house that was maybe 1300 square feet and this one was easily 4500. I felt a little intimidated in it to be honest but I never wanted to tell my husband that because he loved this place.

The kitchen is what tided me over. It was stunning. It had stainless steel appliances with dark cupboards and counter tops. The island had bar stools on one side and a sink on the other. The over-sized fridge always made me laugh, why would a bachelor who doesn't even cook need a bigger fridge than the average American household?

I pulled out the ingredients to make a cheesecake for that night. I didn't have to go back to work until the next day and so I was planning on making a big meal for us. I worked for three hours in the kitchen preparing everything I could ahead of time. I looked around and thought that maybe we would be eating leftovers for a week.

I went into the living room and sat down flicking on the television. After deciding that soap operas were not for me, I turned off the TV and went to find a book. The phone rang before I could get far.

"Hello."

"Hello, sweetheart, it's me again. I need to ask you a favor."

"Sure, anything," I responded.

"Well I think I am going to hire this new Doctor and I would like to invite him over to have dinner with us. Would you be able to fix something?"

Even though I made dinner almost every night he sounded like the thought of cooking would put me out.

"Of course, I've already started and there is more than enough for another. Heck if he has a wife and a dog he wants to bring I can feed them too," I said smiling.

He chuckled before responding, "Actually he is single and good looking, so don't get any ideas."

"There will never be anyone for me but you. You'll always be the sexiest Doctor I know," I purred over the phone.

"Bella, I need to go now before I am unable to attend my patients in my condition."

It was my turn to laugh before letting him get back to work. I hung up the phone and felt a little sad. I was looking forward to having my guy all to myself that night. Maybe even just wear my apron to dinner. I guess that wouldn't work now.

I headed back upstairs to our room and slipped into the en-suite. I looked at myself in the mirror. I had always thought myself on the plain side. Long brown hair, brown eyes, average height and a small build. But being with the sexiest man on the planet and having him tell me that I am beautiful several times a day makes you reevaluate. When I am with him he makes me feel beautiful and sexy and as I look at myself I can tell the effects are starting to linger. I wasn't being vain, but I felt pretty and self confident.

I got myself cleaned up for the evening and popped the fish into the oven. I took a look at the clock and realized that I had an hour before they would be here. I decided to give my best girlfriend a call. I hadn't had a chance to talk to her since the wedding.

"Hey Alice," I said as she picked up the phone.

"Bella, how's married life?"

"Perfect," I responded.

Alice was the best friend a girl could have. With my mother living in Florida, she helped me plan my entire wedding. She was helpful and yet never overbearing, letting me know what had to be done but kept the final decisions up to me. She went above and beyond the maid of honor duty.

"Hey the guys and I are going out this weekend, do you want to come or are you already chained to the bed?" Alice teased me that I was, not a wife, but a young sex slave there for my hubby's desires. These were the only types of jokes she ever made about our age difference.

"I'll think about it," I said not wanting to commit to time away from my enchanting husband.

"Yeah, yeah, I've heard that one before," she said. "Listen I have to go but call me about the weekend okay?"

"Will do, later Alice."

"Bye, Bella." she said hanging up.

I went back into the kitchen and turned on the rest of the dishes. I finished setting the table just as I heard the door open.

I ran over to the door and threw my arms around him, giving him a big kiss.

"Whoa," he said, "I missed you too, baby"

"Oh, Carlisle, I don't know how I'm going to stand to spend these days away from you"

He just smiled at me filling me with warmth. With that the door opened wider and a young man stepped into my home.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N- Hey guys, here is chapter 2. So tell me the truth, were you surprised at the end of last chapter? How many of you thought it was going to be Edward? **

**Thanks to my validating Beta MsKathy, whose stories rock my socks and sometimes my bed! ; ) **

**Disclaimer- Twilight is still not mine. No copyright Infringement is intended. **

Chapter 2

"Sorry about that," Carlisle said addressing the man in our home, "Bella this is Jasper Whitlock, he is going to be the new doctor at the clinic. Jasper this is Bella, my wife."

His eyes widened briefly before he contained himself and shook my hand. I was used to this reaction. I was twenty and Carlisle was forty. It took some people off guard.

"It's nice to meet you, Dr. Whitlock," I said taking his jacket.

"Please, call me Jasper," he responded.

I took in Jasper as Carlisle showed him around. He really was attractive. He had curly blonde hair and a tall lean build. He almost looked like a younger version of Carlisle, I almost understood the hint of possessiveness he had on the phone earlier. Not that I would ever cheat, Carlisle is most assuredly the love of my life and much sexier to me than this new Doctor.

The boys made their way back to the dining room just as I was putting the last of the food on the table. Carlisle took his place at the head of the table and I sat across from him.

"So Jasper, are you a new doctor?" He looked very young and I was thinking that this was his first placement.

"Yes Ma'am," he said with a slight drawl, "I just finished my residency."

"Don't be modest son, he comes with glowing recommendations," Carlisle bragged.

Carlisle's face betrayed him for a moment but then returned to its calm demeanor. I wanted to reach over and comfort him, but the seating arrangements made that impossible. Instead I just gave him a smile and hoped that it would help.

After dinner Jasper and Carlisle played some pool while I cleaned up the dishes. Carlisle had told me to leave them and he would help me later but I hated leaving a dirty kitchen, so I just did them. When I finished Jasper was just getting ready to leave. He thanked me for dinner and we said our goodbyes.

"It was a pleasure meeting you, Jasper," I said.

"You too, Mrs. Cullen," he replied.

After he left Carlisle scooped me up in his arms and gave me a kiss. He had a way of making me feel safe and happy. He put me down and headed into the kitchen.

"Bella?" I heard his angry voice come from the other room. I giggled and started to run, "I told you to leave those," he said, now in a full on chase to catch me.

I let him catch me once I had made it up the stairs. He pulled me into his arms and looked lovingly into my eyes.

"What am I going to do with you?" he asked, kissing my forehead.

"I think you better keep me," I said coyly.

"I think I better," he said, his eyes darkening.

After a very energetic romp I lay watching Carlisle. The crease in his forehead had returned and that only meant one thing.

"Are you thinking about him again?" I asked.

"Yes," was all he replied.

"Jasper reminds you of him, doesn't he?"

"Yeah, he is just starting medical school this year. He wouldn't even use my letter of reference for his application," he said, clearly sad.

"It makes me so angry. You didn't do anything wrong. How could she turn her son against his father, it makes my blood boil."

"It's okay Bella, my son has made his own choices. He has heard both sides and he believes his Mother. There is nothing I can do about that."

He snuggled me in his arms and it alleviated some of my anger. Carlisle had been young when he married the first time. They were both nineteen and in love. Esme was a jealous woman and hated the long hours Carlisle had put in at the hospital. She accused him of sleeping with the nurses even though he vehemently denied it. She left with his son, Edward when he was ten. Carlisle switched to private practice and vowed to always hire men in his clinic. I told him that I trusted him implicitly but he'd never wavered on his vow. He never wanted there to be a reason for me to distrust him, and I didn't.

Edward had refused to come to our wedding and it broke Carlisle's heart. It made me angry that he would be so selfish. My erratic mother had put me through so much more than Carlisle did and I was always there to support her. I did understand that it might be weird for him as I was the same age as he was, but if he saw us together then I was sure that he would see our love and understand it.

I was lost in my thoughts when Carlisle leaned down and kissed me again.

"You know I would never cheat on you, right Bella?" He felt the need to always reassure me. "Besides, you are the kind of woman a man strays with, not on"

"I trust you completely, besides why would you stray when you have this waiting at home," I teased waving my hand over my body to emphasis my point.

Carlisle growled bringing his hand up to grab my breast. My breath picked up as I think I heard him murmur something about round two.

I woke up in the morning to the most delicious smell. Carlisle had made his famous blueberry muffins. Those things could win prizes at county fairs, I kid you not. I jumped into the shower to quickly clean up as last night I had been too exhausted to do it. I heard a knock on the door as Carlisle peeked his head into the bathroom.

"Don't you dare come in here," I said, "I want warm muffins and that will never happen if you get in here."

I heard him chuckle. "Yes dear, I will meet you downstairs then."

I turned the tap off and grabbed my towel drying as fast as I could. I really did want those muffins warm. I threw on my black dress pants and white blouse. I wasn't looking forward to going back to work, but having the blueberry send off was helping the mood. I threw my hair up in a clip promising to return to it after breakfast.

I entered the kitchen unnoticed. Carlisle had his back to me and he was cleaning dishes. He really was the perfect man. I couldn't fathom anyone else having it any better than me. I came up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist, my cheek resting on his shoulder blade. He spun around and gave me a peck on my forehead.

"Good morning darling, your muffins await," he said handing me a plate of muffins off the stove.

I grabbed them greedily and hunched over them rasping, "My precious" is true Gollum fashion. Carlisle just smiled at me shaking his head and went back to his dishes.

Bright and annoying as usual Jessica greeted me as I came back to work.

"Hi Bella, did you give your husband a heart attack yet? You know you have to take it easy with those old ones," her smile fake and plastered on.

This is why I hated Jessica. I'm not sure if she thought she was being funny but her constant stabs at Carlisle and I's age difference put me on edge more than PMS. I think she was jealous and of course she had ever right to be. I had an amazingly sexy Doctor as a husband and she had a live in loser named Tyler who partied more than not.

I met him last year at the Christmas party where he got drunk and continued to hit on everything with a skirt. Carlisle was the only one to tell him to take a step back and bring attention to his philandering. Jessica saw that act as the one that embarrassed her and not Tyler's actions, so then began the age jokes.

"Nope the ticker is still working, but after what he did to me last night I'm just grateful I could make it in today," I said with my best poker face.

I wish I had a camera because I would have used the look on Jessica's face as a Christmas card if I could. She excused herself and left me alone to head to my workspace in peace. I settled into my cubicle or as I like to call it, the 'Cube of Unimaginable Soul Sucking' or CUSS for short.

I decorated my CUSS at the insistence of my boss Mike. He was all about making your space your own and the company being a family. He had been asking the higher ups to let him have a retreat for the last two years, something about team building and synergy.

"Welcome back Swan!" Mike said rounding the corner.

"It's Cullen now, Mike," I responded politely.

"Of course, mental note made," he said while mock writing with an invisible pencil on his hand.

Mike was a tool, but overall he was a good boss. He let me take off two weeks for the wedding without much trouble. He even gifted me three extra vacation days as a wedding present.

"So did I miss anything important while I was away?" hoping that there was a point to this awkward conversation.

"Nope, but I need you to check on the Adams file and proof read the letter we are sending out."

"Sure thing," I said clicking on my computer.

"Good to have you back, Cullen," he said smiling like he had just won Miss Teen America.

"Thanks," I said as he left.

Work was boring but it did beat waiting around the house without Carlisle. Of course I did spend a good chunk of my day in torrid fantasies about my husband.

Lunch came and went and I caught up with a few of my work friends. I realized that I did miss hanging out. I picked up the phone and called Carlisle.

"Hello," he answered.

"Hey baby, do you have a minute?"

"Yes, what is it?"

"I just wanted to check with you first. Alice wants me to go out clubbing this weekend. Will you be okay by yourself?"

I had learned long ago not to invite Carlisle to the clubs. He said he felt silly in them and worried that he might get in trouble being that I was still underage. It's ridiculous that a married woman can't have a few drinks. It was times like this that made me long to live in Canada.

"No problem, I have some reading I want to catch up on."

"Okay, I'll let Alice know. I love you."

"I love you too," he responded and hung up.

I quickly called Alice letting her know that I was in for the weekend. She told me she would be over Saturday at 7 to help me get ready. I groaned, knowing Alice I would not appreciate this makeover.


	3. Chapter 3

**Twilight is not mine, never has been, never will be.**

**A/N- Hope you guys like this chapter.**

**Here is the recipe for the Bikini bottom drink listed below. **

part Banana Liqueur  
2.0 part Coconut Cream  
1.0 peel twist Lemon  
2.0 part Rum  
2.0 part Strawberry schnapps  
Directions: Mix all parts with ice and pur into a high ball, Decoreta with a lemon peel twist and an umbrella {prefferbly pink (since the drink is pink)]

Chapter 3

Saturday morning I woke up to an empty bed. I groaned and look at the clock revealing that it was ten in the morning. I decided that it was an honorable sleep in time and hauled myself out of bed. I walk down to the kitchen and am grateful to see that the coffee is already brewed. I pour myself a cup and head off in search of Carlisle.

I found him in his study and I gave a quiet knock to announce my presence. He looked up and smiled at me. No matter how busy he was he always took time for me. I tried not to take advantage of it.

"Morning," I said sauntering over to him and sitting myself in his lap.

"Morning," he replied slipping his arms around my waist.

I put my coffee cup down on his desk as to not spill it.

"Are you working today?" I asked half pouting.

Carlisle spent a lot of time in his study doing things for work. Reading or charts or something, I didn't really get it so I didn't ask.

"Sorry, but I have to. The last two weeks have put me very much behind on my charts. I need to catch up so that I am back to speed for next week."

"That's okay," I said purring, "Just let me know if you need a break."

I leaned in and gave him a naughty kiss. I heard him groan but he didn't push me away.

"I will defiantly need a break, but later," he replied.

I gave him a chaste kiss and then grabbed my coffee cup leaving him alone to continue his work.

Alice showed up right at seven, if nothing else she was always punctual. She had four shopping bags in her hands as she pushed her way into the house.

"What did you do?" I asked following her as she headed up to my bedroom.

"Bella, don't start with me."

Now I am all for looking hot. I had gained a lot of confidence since I snagged Carlisle and I did enjoy dolling up every once in a while. However, Alice liked to make us look trashy. I cringed as I seen the tiny bits of fabric come flying out of her bags. I picked up one the offending pieces of fabric.

"Is this a headband?" I asked honestly.

"No, it's a top," she replied like she was talking to a five year old, "don't worry, it's for me."

I breathed out in relief. I didn't think Carlisle would be quite so happy to have me out dressed like that, at home in the bedroom now that is another story.

In no time I was dressed in a black sleeveless catsuit. It had a plunging neckline but wasn't too risqué. It was one of the more covering pieces she had ever dressed me in. I put on a pair of black pumps, they weren't sexy but they were the one pair of heels that I could walk in.

Alice wore her tiny red tube top with a sheer black fitted shirt overtop. She wore a tiny pleated skirt that I was sure she found in the juniors section. She is a petite girl so she always ends up looking cute and not trashy.

She fiddled with my hair and complained as she always does.

"Bella, you should cut your hair, or dye it. You are the only person I know that still has virgin hair."

"Alice, I'm married now, there isn't anything left on me that is virgin," I giggled.

Alice just scowled at me. She had been begging me to cut my hair like hers. She had a pixie cut that flipped out in all directions. She wanted us to be twins. The truth is I loved Alice's hair but the idea of cutting twenty inches off my hair in one go made me a little nauseous.

Once we were ready I asked Alice to wait out in the car while I said goodbye to Carlisle.

"Now don't wreck your makeup or else there will be hell to pay," she said as she exited the door.

I knocked on the door and opened it up to find Carlisle still deep in paperwork.

"I'm leaving now," I said.

He looked up at me and his mouth dropped. He was over to me before I had a chance to say anything else.

"You look so good, Bella," he said kissing my neck and pulling me into an embrace.

I pushed him off gently, "Alice will kill me if I smudge."

"See you later," I said giving him a careful kiss on the lips.

"I'll be waiting up," he said smirking at me.

The club was noisy and in full swing by the time we got there. Alice and I pulled out our fake ID's. I was happy that in a month I would no longer need the help of Ms. Danita Jones and I would be legal. The picture on my ID was a lot better than the one on Alice's. Mine looked at little like me; her picture had long blonde hair and glasses and said that she was 5'8. It was a good thing that she was cute so the bouncers never even glanced at her ID.

"Where are the guys?" I asked.

"They will be here soon," Alice chirped pulling me towards the bar.

The guys consisted of Jacob, who has been one of my best friends since we were in diapers. He always has a 'serious' girlfriend, but it's never the same one. He means well but most of the time he is just too intense for most girls. He actually asked a girl to marry him on their first date; it took four months until she dropped the restraining order. Emmett who had never been serious about a girl, ever! He most defiantly does not mean well, but I love him like a brother. Last but not least, James who is very handsome but incredibly shy and quiet. Alice and I always tease James about his sex life, saying it's always the quiet ones who are into the kinky stuff. He blushes almost as much as I do, so I tend to think we are right about him.

We arrive at the bar and order some drinks. Alice is always in charge of the drink orders. She wants to try every fruity drink before she decides on a favorite. Tonight we are having Bikini Bottoms which taste strongly of banana liquor. I didn't care much; I'm here mostly to dance.

I scan the room looking to see if our guys have made it. I notice Alice looking off into the distance. She had her eyes glued on something, or someone. I follow her gaze and almost break into laughter as I see what her focus is on.

"See something you like?" I ask Alice preparing to play with her a bit.

"Yes please!" she says never taking her eyes off her prize.

"Let me go warm him up for you," I said taking a big gulp of my drink.

Alice looked at me strangely. This is not something I would normally do. I took off before she could question my motives heading straight towards Alice's target for the night.

"Hi Jasper," I said as I approached him.

"Mrs. Cullen," he said smiling politely at me.

"Please, call me Bella. I'm younger than you," I knew I had said the wrong thing because he suddenly looked very uncomfortable, "Listen, I'm here with some friends and I have a friend who would like to meet you."

"Really?" he asked.

I pointed toward the bar where Alice sat watching with wide eyes. I gave her a little wave and she returned it with a little smile.

Jasper looked back to me and smiled.

"Bella, I would be honored to meet your friend."

We walked back to Alice at the bar where she had composed herself again.

"Alice I would like to introduce you to Dr. Jasper Whitlock. He will be working with Carlisle," I said smiling widely at Alice.

She shot me a look that said _you are so dead_.

"Nice to meet you Jasper," she said shaking his hand.

"Believe me the pleasure is all mine," he brought her hand up to his lips and place a small kiss on it.

I had never really understood the term swoon until then. Alice almost fell right off of her barstool. Jasper was kind enough to steady the poor girl he just about knocked over with his charm.

I was grateful to see the guys arrive as Alice slipped onto the dance floor with Jasper. I didn't get a lot of attention while Alice was around but when I was left alone in the bar there were unwelcome advances.

"Bella!" Emmett shouted bouncing in.

Emmett is a big man; he stands at six foot four and is as broad as they come. For all that physical prowess he is really just a big teddy bear. He picked me up in a bone squashing hug shouting something that I couldn't quite hear.

Once he put me down Jacob grabbed me in a hug. Jacob was taller than Emmett, standing at a whopping six foot seven. His body was leaner than Emmett's but still muscular. His copper skin always got him lots of attention at the clubs; he always said girls like his exotic look.

"Hey James," I said bumping the fists of my handsome blonde friend.

The guys sauntered up to the bar and ordered their first round.

"Where's Alice?" asked Jacob.

I just pointed and the guy's eyes followed the line of my finger to our pixie friend bumping and grinding on the dance floor. Emmett's eyes got big and started towards the dancing couple.

"Down, papa bear," I said grabbing his arm, "this one has been pre-approved."

"By who?" asked Emmett.

"He's the new Doctor in Carlisle's clinic," I stated hoping this would be enough for him to drop it.

It must have been because Emmett finally relaxed his posture and I let go.

The boys were always great to Alice and me. They would never all hook up on the same night. There would always be one available to escort us home. I, for one, was eternally grateful for dance partners that allowed me my personal space.

James was the most supportive about my marriage to Carlisle, it actually surprised me because I actually thought he might have a crush on me. I was relieved because I had never thought of James as anything more than a friend. Emmett teased me unmercifully but I knew if anything went sour that he would be there in a flash. Jacob was just jealous. He wanted to find his forever girl as he called it. He thought the only way to fall in love was at first sight. When he picked up girls he usually just scared them with long term talk in the first week.

The end of the night saw Alice as the clear winner. She had given Jasper her number and was expecting a call from him in the next couple of days. Emmett swung and struck out with three different girls. While Jacob couldn't even find anyone that he wanted to approach. James danced with a couple of girls but left empty handed on the phone number department.

I was still mostly sober at the end of the evening, so I was able to enter our house quietly. I headed up to our bedroom when I noticed that the light in Carlisle's study was still on. I check the clock and seen that it was almost three. I peeked my head in to see Carlisle sound asleep with his head rested on his desk.

I walked over to him to tell him to come to bed when I saw it in his hand. I cursed myself for not being here. Carlisle had bad days, days when he felt the loss of his son like it was a death. Today, by the looks of it was one of those days. The picture was of Edward at age 12. It was the last one that Esme had sent him before Edward stopped talking to Carlisle.

I looked down at the small boy. I wondered how anyone who looks so sweet could cause a grown man so much pain. I noticed the similarities in their features. Even though Carlisle was blonde and Edward had more of a coppery colored hair their faces were a near match. Both had straight noses and square jaws. I wondered if Edward turned out as handsome as his father.

I leaned over and brushed my lips against his cheek.

"Baby," I whispered, "it's time to go to bed."

Carlisle groaned and sat up, it was then I could see that he had been crying. He wiped his eyes and followed me sleepily into the bedroom. We changed in silence and then slipped into bed together.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here," I stated curling my body into his.

"It's okay," he said simply.

But I didn't think it was okay. I had a plan and I knew right away that it was going to keep me up all night.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N- Twilight is not mine.**

**Hey everyone, here is the next chapter. I would really love some reviews. Also let me know how you found this story, I'm always curious. **

Chapter 4

I slammed the computer screen shut. I had been writing and re-writing all day and I needed to give myself some time away. I headed to the entertainment room and switched on my Playstation. Singing at the top of my lungs always seemed to calm my nerves. I was horrible at Singstar but damn I love that game.

After embarrassing myself with a little Avril Lavinge I called it quits. I couldn't concentrate on anything but the e-mail sitting downstairs. I put away the microphones and headed back downstairs.

I pulled open my laptop again looking at what I wrote.

_Dear Edward, _

_I know that I may not be your favorite person but I do hope that you will take the time to read this e-mail anyways. I do know what your Mother told you about your Father and while I choose to believe that he was faithful I know that you believe otherwise. I am not writing to you to change your mind. I am writing you because your Father needs you. He misses you Edward. There is not a day go by that he doesn't talk about you or miss you. _

_Carlisle wants to be in your life Edward and I hope that you would give him a chance. We were both very sad that you were unable to attend our wedding. But don't get me wrong, I get how it may be weird for you. Not only has your father remarried but we are similar in age. But trust me when I say that our love is pure and I hope someday you will see for yourself. _

_If you could just call him or send him a quick e-mail it would mean the world to him. I know that you are in Seattle for school and I would happily disappear for the day if you visited and didn't want me here. I only want the man I love to have peace in his life and you are the only one that can give him that final piece he is missing. _

_Please consider this, _

_Bella Cullen_

I hit send and sat back. Tears were running down my face as they had done every time I re-read it. I just hoped that this e-mail would start the ball rolling, that they could talk and repair some of their bond.

I would catch myself now and then feeling guilty that some of this was my fault, but Carlisle always said that the problems started long before I arrived. I know logically that their divorce had nothing to do with me, I was ten at the time, but I always feel bad for love lost, even if it was then mine to gain.

I closed my laptop and headed to the kitchen to grab a bite to eat. I rummaged through the pantry looking for the perfect 'I just e-mailed my step-son who is the same age as me and probably hates me' snack. Unfortunately nothing fit the bill so I just grabbed a granola bar.

I stopped myself from going back to check for a response every five minutes. He would most likely not even respond but I couldn't help hoping that he would.

I needed to get my mind off of it. Carlisle had gone with his friend Aro to some sort of sporting event today. I really didn't pay attention as my mind was on the e-mail that I was planning on writing while he was gone.

I called Emmett because I knew that Alice, Jake and James were all too perceptive about things and I didn't want to talk about it yet.

I remembered how Emmett and I met. We were in ninth grade and polar opposites. He was popular and loud and I was geeky and shy. One day he saw Jessica Stanley picking on me. She was always teasing me about something new, that day happened to be about my glasses. I got so angry I punched her in the nose. Emmett's laughter came booming through my adrenaline and then I remember him saying, "Swan, I think it's best to have someone like you as a friend" We were inseparable ever since.

Everyone always wondered why we never dated, but Emmett and I shared more of a brother/sister bond. I think part of it is that he is scared I would punch him in the nose if he asked, plus he is a total manwhore.

"What's up?" He said answering the phone.

"Hey, Em, what are you up to?"

"Nothing much, Bells, you?"

"I'm sitting here bored, Carlisle is out and I was wondering if you wanted to come over and lose at some pool?"

"Hell yeah, I'm on my way," he said hanging up.

Dangle any kind of competition in front of Emmett and he will come running.

My curiosity got the best of me and I checked my e-mail once before Emmett got there. Edward hadn't responded and while I expected that, I was still disappointed.

Emmett showed up about a half hour later. I had racked the balls before he got there in preparation of our game. Emmett loved to play pool with me, I'm not sure why because he always lost. He taught me to play in high school and I've been something of a shark ever since.

Alice always tried to get me to make money with it at the bars but I preferred playing for pride, or drinks. None of the guys were able to beat me, but I think that is why Emmett always wanted to play with me. He wanted to be the first.

"Hey, Em," I said answering the door.

"Bells, you are going down," he said bringing his smack talk.

I rolled my eyes and led him into the games room. I pulled a couple of beers out from the mini fridge and tossed one to Em.

"Thanks," he said grabbing a cue.

"You want to break?" I asked him.

He thought for a moment, like it might have been a trick question and then nodded. This is one of the things I love about Emmett; the simpler the question was the more cautious he was that you were trying to trick him.

He sunk a solid off of the break and did a fist pump in the air. I chuckled at him and leaned up against the back of the loveseat.

"So, any new girls, Emmett?" I asked him my usual question.

"I met this one chick last week that was pretty hot," he said sinking another ball, "but she didn't keep her yard well manicured, if you get my drift. So I am passing on that."

"Emmett, you are disgusting," I said as he missed his shot.

I sunk two stripes before talking again, "What about that girl, Hannah…. Holly…."

"Heidi?" he asked while I sunk another ball.

"Yeah, Heidi," I said, "what happened with her?"

"Psycho," he said as I missed my next shot, "she called my boss and asked for time off."

"Maybe she was planning a nice trip for you as a surprise."

He missed. "Yeah, maybe she was going to take me to a cabin and chop me up into little bits and feed me to the bears. You don't surprise someone with a trip you barely know."

I sunk two more balls before adding, "You knew each other for five years before you even went out with her."

"Yeah, goes to show you never know someone until you've seen them naked."

"What?" I asked sinking another ball, "That doesn't even make sense."

"Doesn't it, Bella? Doesn't it?" he responded watching me sink my last ball.

"Corner pocket," I called pointing before I sunk the eight ball.

"Damn it," Emmett said pouting at another loss.

We played a few more games and Emmett decided to call it quits after his fourth loss. He vowed that he would beat me one day and that it would be glorious. I just giggled and put my pool cue away. I gave him a quick hug goodbye and then started supper.

Carlisle would be home in an hour and I was excited to see him after spending the weekend mostly apart. I made our favorite, mushroom ravioli and garlic bread.

"Bella, you are going to make me fat with all your delicious cooking," Carlisle said finishing off his meal.

"That's okay I have a strict workout that will help you burn those calories," I said winking at him.

"Well dear, let me do the dishes and then meet you upstairs so we can get started on that."

I giggled and then left the room heading towards the stairs. My laptop caught my eye as I was walking by and I stopped. What if he wrote back, what if he didn't? I weighed the pros and cons before deciding to take a quick peak.

I logged in and held my breath. My inbox icon showed a bold **1** beside it. I clicked on the button only to be disappointed by an email for _Enlarging my Manhood_. I closed the screen and headed upstairs to wait for my husband.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N- Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyer. **

**Thanks for the response to last chapter, I had a few reviews and some new story adds. I hope you like the story about how Carlisle and Bella met. **

**Please review.**

Chapter 5

A few days past and there was still no response from Edward. I decided to call it a loss, he wasn't going to respond. Carlisle was taking me out that night to celebrate our first anniversary. I was hoping that we could just stay in and watch a movie but Carlisle wanted to treat me to a nice dinner.

If there was one thing I could change about Carlisle it was his desire to spend money on me. He bought me fancy clothes and jewelry and I really didn't feel comfortable in any of it. As things go there are defiantly worse qualities to have, so I still consider myself pretty lucky.

I thought back to the day we first met. My old doctor had retired so my Father brought me into Seattle to find a new one. Forks didn't have a lot of family doctors and most of them weren't accepting new patients.

I arrived at the clinic not knowing that this moment would change my life. I carelessly flipped through an entertainment magazine mostly just looking at the pictures. Charlie sat next to me bouncing his knee. It was a nervous habit he had. It used to drive my Mother crazy.

"Ms Swan, the doctor will see you now," an older gentleman called out into the waiting room.

I stood up and followed him into the examination room. He gave me a paper dress and then told me to change. I tried the best to tuck it around my body before sitting on the table. I hated feeling so naked sitting in a room waiting for the doctor.

I was shy and had never really had a boyfriend. I had been on a few dates but they never really went anywhere past kissing. I was never really sexually attracted to them. They never made me want more. So imagine my surprise when the doctor walks in and immediately I felt moisture pooling between my legs. He was everything a man should be; tall, handsome and a freaking doctor!

"Good morning Miss Swan," he said reading off the chart. He looked up at me quickly and then cleared his throat, "is there something wrong Miss Swan, you look flushed."

His comment only made me blush further. I knew I had to pull it together, this man was hot but I was only seventeen and clearly nowhere near his league.

"I'm fine," I said forcing a smile, "just here for my annual checkup."

He asked me a few standard questions before starting the exam. He began checking my blood pressure and pulse. There were no surprises to me when he told me that my pulse was fast, he chalked it up to nerves of the exam. Then he checked my ears and throat. Once he was done with that he cleared his throat again, I thought it was odd at the time but I know now that he was fighting his attraction for me even then.

"Bella, I am going to examine your breasts now, Ok?"

I nodded as I didn't trust my voice. He slid the front of my gown open just far enough to reach a gloved hand in to touch my breast. I had had breast examines before and even though he was doing nothing unethical it still sent shivers down my spine.

"Cold Miss Swan?" I shook my head still not trusting my voice.

He finished with my other breast and then walked over to a drawer to pull something out.

"Please slide to the edge of the table and put your feet in the stirrups," he said.

I put my feet in the stirrups but kept my knees together, after the breast exam I was very wet and I was worried that he would kick me out when he saw. He started explaining what he was about to do but I couldn't concentrate on anything but the fact of him being so near to my lady parts.

I came out of my haze hearing him say my name, "Miss Swan."

"Yes," I answered.

"I'm going to need you to open your knees," he said with a small smirk on his face.

I think that was the moment I fell in love. I wanted that smirk to be for me and only me.

"Sorry," I said following his instructions.

He looked down at my wet centre and I heard his breath hitch slightly before returning his face to professional. It was then I decided that I had to pursue him, I had to have him. It took me three months and my eighteenth birthday to realize my plan.

I spent extra time in the shower letting the warm water soothe me from my work week. I missed my strawberry body wash; Carlisle wasn't a big fan of the scent so I only used it when he wasn't going to be around. And that hadn't happened since the wedding. I found a coconut one that was okay but it just didn't smell like me.

I turned off the water and stepped out of the shower wrapping my towel around me. I blow dried my hair and put it up in a simple twist. It was the only style I knew how to do on my own that looked somewhat fancy.

I went to the closet and pulled out the emerald green dress Carlisle had bought for me on our honey moon. Where he found a dress this fancy on a tiny island I will never know. It reminded me of a fancy toga. It was very pretty but I had to wear heels with it as it was too long.

I took my silver heels out of my closet and carried them down to the front door. No use in tempting fate by wearing them around the house. Just as I got back into the bathroom to start my makeup I heard the door close.

"Hi honey, I'm up here," I called.

Carlisle was up in a flash. He embraced me from behind and kissed my neck.

"You look great," he said peppering my shoulder with kisses, "what are you thinking about?"

I looked in the mirror and still had the flush on my face from my earlier thoughts.

"Just thinking about the day we met," I replied.

"Oh, you mean when you moaned during your PAP exam?"

"Carlisle!" I said in mock horror, "I did not moan."

"Bella, there was moaning and you know it. A man doesn't forget something like that," he said pulling my hips close to his.

"Maybe, but I had never had a doctor that had to clear his throat as often as you," I teased back.

"You were killing me that day. So young and so sexy," he said nibbling on my neck.

I was happy when he made comments like that; it meant that the guilt was finally leaving him. I think it took him a long time until he didn't feel 'dirty' about his attraction to me.

I gave him a little smack and told him to go get ready.

We made it to the restaurant barely on time. Carlisle and I were having troubles getting out the door. By the time we were seated I was no longer hungry for food.

The waitress was an attractive lady around forty five. She gave Carlisle the once over as she came up to the table. I felt a little angry that she did it while I was right here.

"Good evening. I'm Sue, I'll be your waitress this evening. Are you celebrating something special with your daughter sir?"

I saw red. She was clearly flirting with my husband on my anniversary. Before I could answer Carlisle spoke, "Actually this is my wife and we are celebrating one month of married bliss."

Sue's face fell a little and all I could think of was 'that's right bitch!' I gave her a sweet smile and my drink order. She left with her tail between her legs.

"I hate people and their assumptions," I said after she was out of hearing.

Why couldn't two people be in love without someone finding something wrong with it? Carlisle scooted his chair closer to mine and grabbed my hand.

"Darling, I love you. And you can call me daddy if you want to," he said with a smirk.

"You're horrible," I said biting back a smile.

"I have something for you," Carlisle said pulling a small blue box out of his coat jacket.

I smiled at him and took it from him. I slid the white ribbon off and took the lid off. Inside was a very splashy diamond necklace. I felt a little uncomfortable holding it, I couldn't imagine wearing it.

"Thank you," I told him as sincerely as I could, twisting a piece of hair in my fingers.

It was another one of those gifts that I would pull out once a year out of obligation. I knew he tried, so I felt bad rejecting any of his gifts.

Dinner went well and Sue kept her eyes to herself for the remainder of the evening. She even brought us out a complimentary piece of cake for our special occasion. I decided to let my hostility towards her go as I knew who he was leaving with anyways.

Carlisle held my door for me as I climbed into his Mercedes. I always liked when we took his car places as his had leather seats and to be honest they turned me on. He slid into the car and shot me a smile.

We pulled onto the road when a naughty idea ran through my mind. I placed my hand on his knee and rested it there for a moment. Slowly I slid my fingers up. Carlisle growled at me a little. I think he meant it for me to stop but it just ended up encouraging me. I slid my hand up farther coming closer to my goal. I yanked at his zipper a little.

"Bella stop," he said firmly.

"Come on baby, you took me for a nice dinner. I want to do something nice for you." I gave him a little squeeze to prove my point.

"Damn it Bella, you could get us killed," he said as the car veered slightly.

I pulled my hand back. I crossed my arms across my chess and pouted. While Carlisle was a tiger in the bed he wasn't much for excitement out of the house.

"Bella dear, I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you when we get home. Okay?" he said giving me his puppy dog eyes.

All my resolved went out of the window when he asked like that. I looked at him and smiled. I really did love that man.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N- Twilight is not mine. **

**Thanks everyone who is reading. I would sure like you to comment. I would like to take this opportunity to recommend a fic to you guys. Mr. Horrible by ****algonquinrt**** is awesome and makes me laugh so hard I cry. **

Chapter 6

On my eighteenth birthday I gathered all my courage. I had made an appointment to see Carlisle. I told Charlie I was going shopping in Seattle for the day and then I was going to hang out with some friends and spend the night.

I figured if my plan worked I would be with Carlisle and if it didn't I wouldn't want to come home and explain why I was crying.

I pulled into a gas station once I neared Seattle. I hadn't wanted Charlie to see what I was planning on wearing. I had always been a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl but I knew that wouldn't be enough to lure someone like Dr. Cullen.

I pulled out the dress and eyed it cautiously. It was tight and low cut and everything I never wear. I pulled out the black lace bra and thong set I got to go with it. I had never worn a thong and when I put it on I was surprised that it wasn't as uncomfortable as I thought it was going to be.

I changed and looked at myself in the mirror. The fitted red dress and push up bra made me look older than my eighteen years, I was glad. I wasn't a child anymore, I was a woman. A woman that knew what she wanted. And this woman wanted Dr. Carlisle Cullen.

All of my bravado faded once I entered the waiting room. I took a look around and contemplated leaving, just as I was about to turn the gentleman at the desk spoke.

"Hello Miss, do you have an appointment?"

"Yes," I said trying to pull up the courage to go through with what I was planning, "Isabella Swan."

"Okay Miss Swan, take a seat and I will call you when the Dr. is ready."

I nodded and took a seat. I was too nervous to concentrate on a magazine so I just sat there surveying the room. I knew that this moment could be great or disastrous. I heard another woman in the corner talking to her friend.

"The Dr. is so scrumptious I could just eat him up," the blond said.

"I know. He can operate on me anytime," the brunette laughed.

I felt a little sick, he must have woman throwing themselves at him all day. What was I doing? I once again contemplated running but I was foiled again.

"Miss Swan, Dr. Cullen will see you now."

I thought that was extremely fast for a Dr's office but when I looked at my watch I saw that I had been sitting for forty five minutes. I wondered where the time went, I suddenly longed for some of it back.

I sat waiting in the exam room watching the seconds tick by on the clock. I felt the heat rise in my cheeks while I pondered what I was about to do. I watched the door knob turn and it felt like the door opened in slow motion.

"Miss Swan," he said looking up at me from the chart, his eyes widening for a split second before turning back to neutral.

"Please call me Bella, Dr. Cullen," I said hoping to hear him say my name.

"What brings you in today Bella?" he asked still all business.

"Well I am eighteen now and I would like a prescription for birth control," I said trying to come across as mature as I could.

"Okay," he said, "Are you currently on anything?" I shook my head. "Are you currently sexually active?"

I sensed a small amount of tension in his voice when he asked this question. I took a deep breath and gave myself a quick pep talk. This is what I had come for and there was no chickening out now.

"Not yet," I said as seductively as I could, "But I hope to be soon."

And with that I ran my foot up his calf. He cleared his throat and stepped back. His eyes looked everywhere except at me. I felt the bile rising in my throat as I looked up at his horrified expression. I saw a flicker of something in his eyes but I didn't wait around to see what, I ran from the room and out of the building.

Once I was outside I slumped against the side of the building. The tears flowed freely and my breathing was coming in short spurts. What had I done? I felt so sure that we were meant for each other. How stupid could I be? What if he was married? I didn't think I saw a ring but that didn't mean there wasn't a wife.

My head was hung between my knees so I didn't realize anyone was there until there was a hand on my shoulder.

"Bella?" his voice caused my humiliation to rise and my sobs to come harder.

"Just leave me alone," I stuttered out between sobs.

"Bella, I am extremely flattered. You seem like a very nice girl, but I am a lot older than you. You should find a nice boy your own age."

I knew he thought he was helping but it just made it worse. I looked up at him expecting to see pity in his eyes, but instead I saw pain. I saw something else, maybe desire. I decided to take one more stab at it.

"I don't want a boy my own age. I want you."

He let out a sigh, "Bella, I have a few minutes can I take you for a coke or something and we can talk about this?"

"Okay," I said.

It wasn't the hot date I was hoping for but I would take it. Maybe if I could get him to talk to me he would see how right we were for each other.

I didn't spend the night with him, but I did get another date.

Work had been crazy for the last week. Mike was back on his retreat idea and had me preparing new proposals for the big wigs upstairs. If the man spent half of his time actually doing his job instead of planning these ridiculous team building exercises I fully believed the company would double its profits.

Alice called me to let me know that Jasper had called her and asked her out. She spent an hour screeching at me through the phone before I finally relented and promised to go shopping with her to help her pick out an outfit for her date.

My day to day life was coming back and I was already mourning the time lost with Carlisle. My relationship with him was so important to me and yet it was so different from the relationships I had with my friends. When we were together I felt calm and peaceful. He relaxed me and my troubles would melt instantly.

I made it a point to tell him I loved him every day. I remember the first time we said it. In our relationship I was the one who initiated everything. I asked him out, I kissed him first. I knew that he was nervous just by the fact that he was attracted to someone as young as me so I had to make the moves so that he would feel comfortable.

The one thing that he did first was tell me he loved me. We had just gotten back from a movie and it was pouring rain out. He had forgotten his umbrella so he held his jacket over us as he ran me up to my porch. We stood there soaking wet laughing and he looked down at me, brushing my wet hair off my face.

"Isabella Swan, I love you." It was simple and sweet and it filled my heart with joy.

It was then that I bid farewell to self conscious Bella Swan. If there was a man as wonderful as Carlisle out there that could love me then I had no right to put myself down. I felt a little like the Grinch, only it was my self confidence that grew three sizes that day.

I arrived home from work and started supper. Carlisle was working late to make up for some of the time lost from our honeymoon.

The phone rang just as I was setting down to eat.

"Hello."

"Hey Bella, its James."

"Hey, what's up?" I asked.

"So you know that girl that works at the video store I always go to?"

"The red-headed one?"

"Yeah, her name is Victoria. Well I was in there and I did like you told me. I flirted with her and she asked me out!"

"James that is great!"

James had been crushing on the little red-headed girl from blockbuster for months. I even took to calling him Charlie Brown every time he mentioned her. James was so painfully shy that he had been scared to say anything to her when he went in.

The girl was a little intimidating I will admit. Her hair was crazy red and wild. She had a Goth style that involved a lot of mesh tops and knee high boots covered in buckles. She looked kind of freaky which only went to prove my point about the quiet guys.

We talked a bit about where he should take her, I told him not the movies as it might be too much like work. We couldn't decide on a place but he had a few ideas by the time our call ended.

I headed back to the table and looked at my now cold supper. I took a few bites before packing up the rest and putting it into the fridge. I checked my e-mail again before bed, finding none. I crawled into bed alone and fell into a restless sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N- Twilight and characters belong to Stephanie Meyer**

**Hey everyone, I hope you are all enjoying the story. If you are looking for a great fic check out The Fallout by **OCDindeed. **It is fantastic and she really loves it when you ask if Bella is still alive. *Snicker***

Chapter 7

I arrived at work fifteen minutes late. Jessica was waiting for me at my desk.

"Hi Bella nice of you to join us, did your husband fall and not get up?" she snarled.

"Hey Jess, didn't I see Tyler last night coming out of Classy Ladies?"

She scowled at me. I must have hit a nerve with the name of the strip joint. I smiled at my victory when she walked away.

I sat down and booted up my computer, I was late but I wasn't really busy with much so I knew I would catch up quickly. I logged in and opened up my e-mail accounts. I use the work one mostly but I do have some contacts that use my personal one.

I clicked into my inbox completely unprepared for what I saw, an e-mail from ECullen. I took a deep breath and clicked to open the message.

_Mrs. Cullen, _

_Why would I want to speak with my father? If it wasn't bad enough that he cheated on my mother, he seduced a seemingly sweet seventeen year old girl. You seem like a nice girl so I would advise you to get out now while you still have your whole life ahead of you. My father gets bored easily. _

_Edward Cullen_

Part of me was excited, but most of me was pissed. If anything I was the one that seduced Carlisle. He was more than a gentleman while we dated. It made me angry that anyone would think these things about my wonderful husband most of all, his son. I may have typed my response in an angered haze.

_Edward_

_While I may have met your father when I was seventeen, we did not date until I was eighteen. Even then it was I who initiated everything. Your father is a gentleman and a caring man. He was nothing but patient and kind during our relationship. If anything, it was I who seduced your father._

_Bella._

I hit enter and then nearly fainted. I just told Carlisle's son that I seduced him. I felt sick. I wished that I could reach into the internet and grab that e-mail back. I had just blown the only chance I had at reconnecting Carlisle and Edward. There was no way he would respond to that e-mail.

So imagine my shock when not fifteen minutes later another e-mail from him pops up.

_Bella, _

_I have to admit, I was prepared for a fight with you but I have to say I have been laughing for the last ten minutes after reading your e-mail. I sit here wondering what type of woman tells her husband's son that she seduced his father. Let me just get this out now….EWW. *full body shutter*_

_Okay now that that is done, I must say I am intrigued. I certainly never expected to hear from you. The only reason I could come up with is the fact that you must really love my Dad. And even though we have not seen eye to eye for many years, it surprises me that it makes me happy to know that he has someone who cares for him as much as you seem to. _

_I don't know if I am ready to see him yet. Can you please just give me some time to think about it? And if you really do love my father, you better keep an eye on those nurses. _

_Edward_

It was a really sweet e-mail right up until he decided to take the cheap shot about the nurses.

_Edward, _

_Please take the time you need. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help along your decision. I think you should know something about your father before you make this decision. He has not had a female employee since your mother left. He loved her very much and he was heartbroken when she left him. He won't hire female nurses as he never wants to be put in that situation again. Suspicion has ruined his first marriage and he vowed to me that it would never ruin ours. _

_And, he really misses you. _

_Bella._

That was the last I heard from Edward Cullen for the day. I felt renewed and excited about the possibilities. If I could get Edward to come see his Father it would be the best wedding present I could hope to give him.

I felt anxious waiting for Carlisle to get home that night. He was going out with some friends after work and wasn't going to be home until late. I wanted to wait up for him. I felt it was too early to tell him yet though. I didn't want to give him false hope. I heard him come through the door at one in the morning.

I was giddy with anticipation. I had discarded all my clothes and I waited for him buck naked on our bed. I closed my eyes and willed my face to relax so that he would think I was sleeping. I heard the door to our bedroom open and Carlisle's breath hitch. My mouth was trying to betray me as it twitched.

I heard some rustling but I dared not peak. Then I felt the mattress sink beside me. Carlisle slid his body beside mine only to reveal that he was naked as well. A small laugh escaped.

"Bella," he scolded, "What are you doing to me?"

"MMMMMM," I purred, "Just waiting for you."

With that I pulled him into a passionate kiss. The smile never left my face as we nipped and teased each other into euphoria.

Carlisle pulled away and flopped beside me. He looked over at me and caressed my face.

"Why are you so happy tonight?"

"Do you need a play by play of the last hour for your ego?" I laughed.

"No, I just thought maybe there was something else."

"Nope, just you," I lied.

He eyed me suspiciously but dropped the subject.

In the morning I was trying to be extra careful not to wake Carlisle up. My lack of sleep and my naturally clumsy nature had me banging into things all morning. Luckily none of them woke my sleeping beauty. I grabbed a quick breakfast and headed to the office. I was thankful it was Friday and I would have the weekend alone with Carlisle. I missed our time together.

I opened up my e-mail to find another one from Edward.

_Bella, _

_I can't promise anything, but I'm willing to give him a chance. I don't want to discuss my Mother with him. Have him meet me Sunday at the Starbucks on campus. _

_Edward._

The rest of the day crawled by, I wanted so badly to go home and tell Carlisle the wonderful news. I waited by the door of our home listening for the sound of his car. When I heard it pull up I ran out to greet him on the driveway.

Carlisle gave me a quizzical look before getting out of the car.

"Bella, is something…." He couldn't finish the thought as I was in his arms peppering kisses on his face.

I lead him into the house not saying a word to his questioning.

"Baby, I have a surprise for you," I said wanting to drag out the moment.

"I like the sound of that," he said shooting me a sexy smirk.

"No, even better than that," I said. I could tell his interest was piqued. "I made plans for you tomorrow."

"Okay," he said cautiously, wondering why that could be better than sex.

"You're going to have coffee…..with Edward," I said squealing a bit at the end.

"What do you mean?" Carlisle asked suddenly very serious.

"Don't be mad baby, but I e-mailed him and convinced him to meet you for coffee. I told him how much you miss him and would like to be part of his life. He said that as long as you didn't discuss Esme, that he was willing to give you a chance."

Tears streamed down Carlisle's face as he embraced me tightly.

"Thank you." he whispered not letting go.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N- Twilight is still not mine. **

**I hope you enjoy the new chapter, my recommendation this time is Creature of Habit by EZRocksAngel. It is a great character piece. **

**Please review. **

Chapter 8

Carlisle tried to convince me to go to coffee with him and Edward but I thought it best to sit this one out. They needed to talk alone to try and reestablish their bond. Hopefully there would be plenty of time later for me to meet Edward.

Carlisle fretted for an hour in the morning over what to wear. If I hadn't known he was going to meet his son I would think he was having an affair. He looked like he was preparing for a date.

I felt a little nervous too. I was happy that I was able to arrange the meeting but part of me worried that if things went south I would be the one to blame. Surely, I told myself, their non-existent relationship couldn't get any worse.

I called Alice to come over and keep me company while he was gone but she had another date with Jasper. Apparently they were really getting along well and she was head over heels for him. I had inquired about how serious they were getting and she said 'use his toothbrush serious'. That was always the biggest step for Alice, if she could use a guys toothbrush without being grossed out it was big.

I knew James was out with the little red headed girl so I didn't try him and I didn't feel like calling Jake or Emmett. Jake was too intense for this situation and I had already used Emmett as a distraction this week.

I decided to just grab my IPod and set up on the treadmill. A run was just the thing to take my mind off Carlisle and Edward's meeting. I hopped in the shower to quickly wash up before he came back.

I waited in our bedroom for Carlisle to get home. I didn't want to bombard him at the door with questions. He came into the room with no expression on his face. I couldn't tell if things went well. I sat on the bed not wanting to open the floodgates until he was ready.

He looked at me and I saw his eyes tear up.

"Thank you," he said looking at me with love. I stood up and wrapped my arms around him.

"Things went well?" I asked

"Yes, I mean he is still really angry with me but he is willing to meet again."

"That is great baby," I said still embracing him.

"He is going to come over for supper tomorrow. I hope that is okay."

I looked at him incredulously. "Of course it is okay. I am so excited I get to meet him."

From the stories that Carlisle had told me in the past I felt like I knew Edward already. The problem is I knew the child Edward and he was now a grown man. I was truly overjoyed that I would meet this person that is so important to Carlisle.

We sat around that night talking about Edward. Carlisle told me a story about how Edward would spend every day practicing the piano. He loved it so much that he Carlisle and Esme would have to kick him out of the house to get fresh air.

When he was seven he decided to climb the tree located beside their home. He made it up three branches before he fell and broke his finger. He was so upset that he couldn't play the piano that he never went near a tree again.

One summer when he was 5 he wanted to help Esme cook dinner so he took out her good baking pan and filled it with 'mud pie'. He put it in the oven and cooked it for two hours before she realized that it was in there. She spent 4 hours trying to get all the baked on mud out of the pan before giving up and throwing it out.

I loved hearing stories about Edward but I always felt a tinge of jealousy when he mentioned Esme. I knew that he still loved her. He assured me that it is only because she was the mother of his child, but sometimes I was not sure. I knew she left him heartbroken.

That was the first night I dreamed of Edward Cullen.

_The sun shone down as I gathered up the toys in the yard. A huge tree spread its branches over most of the lawn. I heard giggling, the sound warmed my heart. I turn to see a tuft of bronze hair poking out from behind the tree. _

"_You be careful Edward Anthony Cullen," I teased as more giggling erupted. _

_I went back to my task at hand. I had already picked up these toys but they were back again. I threw them into the outdoor toy box and looked around to find Edward. He was nowhere to be seen. I called out his name but there was no answer. _

_I felt a panic inside of me. The joy of having him there was ripped out of me by intense fear. Where was he? What if something happened to him? How would I ever live without him? _

_Suddenly I heard a scream and I looked up. Edward was falling out of the tree and my body instantly reacted to catch him. _

"_You saved me," he said more like a question. His green eyes look up at me with adoration and love, his kisses my cheek shocking me in the process. _

_Before I knew it he had hopped out of my arms and ran off. _

"_Wait," I said calling after him, but it was too late. He was gone and the blackness took over._

I awoke with a start. Carlisle was holding me rocking my body and making soothing sounds.

"What happened?" I asked.

"You were having a nightmare. You kept screaming 'come back, come back'," he said still cradling me.

"It was so weird, it felt so real," I said feeling my cheek for the proof of the shock that I felt when Edward kissed me.

"I like your other dreams better," Carlisle said deviously as he saw I was ok.

"What are you talking about?" I asked innocently. I knew I talked it my sleep but I was never sure how much I said.

"The ones where you moan and say my name," he said nibbling on my neck.

"Ahhh yes, let us relive one of those shall we," I said pulling his body on top of mine.

I spent the morning planning the dinner for that evening. My work was suffering for it but it was the most important thing to me right now.

I was so excited for this opportunity for Carlisle. I just felt in my bones that this was the way things were meant to happen. I was beginning to sound like Alice and I made a mental note to call her later and complain about that fact.

I finished up the proposal for the retreat and left it on Mike's desk. I knew I had done a good job on it and I was starting to regret it. Before I knew it I was going to have to go out into the wilderness for a team building exercise with Mike and ugh, Jessica.

I headed home after work anxious to get dinner ready. I felt a little nauseous. What if he hated me? He seemed fairly reasonable through e-mail but I didn't know how that would hold up when he finally met his father's new wife.

I got things started in the kitchen and then went upstairs to get cleaned up. I put on a simple white peasant skirt and a royal blue t-shirt. I struggled with my hair and then just decided to leave it down.

I heard the door open about a half hour later. I went downstairs to greet Carlisle.

"Hi baby, how are you doing?" I asked him wondering if he was feeling as nervous as I was.

"Excited and nervous," he said throwing me a half smile.

I gave him a hug as I couldn't find the words to reassure him. I wanted everything to work out and be good but I didn't want to try and force anyone into anything.

The doorbell rang and I let Carlisle answer it. I stood waiting in the next room not wanting to interrupt anything. I heard Carlisle's voice but not Edwards. I wanted to see what was going on, maybe it wasn't even Edward at the door yet, but I firmly planted my feet on the floor and waited.

It felt like hours before Carlisle stepped into the living room with him but it was really only a few minutes.

"Edward, I would like you to meet my wife Bella. Bella, this is my son," he said choking back the emotion in his voice.

I stood there and took him in. I could see the small boy in the picture in him but I could have never guessed that he would have grown up to look like this. His features were still similar to Carlisles but sharper. His jaw looked like it could cut fruit it was so angular. His eyes still the same green but now with knowledge behind them, but also a kindness. The only thing that was exactly the same was his hair, still copper in colour and stylishly disarrayed. If I hadn't seen a picture of him as a young boy I would have thought that his look came from pounds of product but I knew that his hair was naturally that way. He was stunning, just like his father.

He ran his hands through his hair as I stood there and assessed him. He was wearing a black button down and cargo pants. His build was tall and lean but his shirt was fitted enough for me to know there were muscles hidden underneath.

"Hi," he finally said.

"Hi," I said blushing for no reason.

"Would you like a tour before supper, Edward," Carlisle asked breaking the tension.

"Sure," Edward replied snapping his eyes back to his father.

I went into the kitchen and let out a breath of relief. Things could have gone worse. He didn't call me a home-wrecker or anything like that.

I finished putting all of the plates on the table by the time the boys came back. Carlisle sat at the head of the table with Edward and I on either side of him.

"Everything looks really good," Edward said to me.

"Thanks," I answered meekly.

Dinner was littered with awkward pauses, both Edward and Carlisle trying to keep the conversation away from the woman between them. I thought to myself, 'Esme Cullen, you are the stupidest woman ever to give up a family as wonderful as this.' Even with the awkwardness I could see what beautiful people my husband and his son were, both inside and out.

I cleared the table as Edward and Carlisle left to go chat in the other room. I was finishing up with the last of the washing when I heard a throat clear behind me.

I turned expecting to see Carlisle but instead Edward was standing behind me.

"Oh," I said unable to hide my surprise, "did you need something?"

"I just wanted to say something. Thank you for doing this, I may not see eye to eye with my dad over everything but I am glad that he will be in my life now. And Bella, don't worry. I don't blame you, hell if my history teacher in high school would have given me the time of day I would have been all over that." He laughed and then turned serious. "But she knew better."

I sighed, "I love your father, Edward."

"I know," he said turning and leaving.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N- Once again, I do not own Twilight.**

**If you like, please review. **

Chapter 9

_The wind wisped by us gently bringing forth the sounds and smells of the carnival. I used my free hand to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. I closed my eyes and took in this moment of pure happiness._

_Edward walked in between Carlisle and I holding our hands and swinging out from our arms. The fact that a grown up Edward was acting like a five year old should have clued me into the fact that this was a dream. _

_The music played off in the distance. The smell of corn dogs and hot dogs penetrated the air. Giggling and swinging, we past a booth filled with cotton candy. _

"_Daddy, Daddy, can I have some…ppleeeeaaasee?"_

"_You better ask Bella, son," Carlisle said smiling._

_The look of wonderment left his face as he turned to me. He leaned in and whispered in my ear now sounding like the twenty year old man he is. "You're not my Mommy."_

"_Edward," Carlisle chastised._

"_NO! NO!" he said sounding like a child again, "she's not my mommy." _

_With that he broke from both of our hands running off into the fair grounds._

"_This is your fault Bella," Carlisle said angrily at me._

"_No baby, no. I didn't do anything,," I pleaded. _

_Carlisle took off running after Edward leaving me alone and heartbroken. _

I woke up in a sweat but Carlisle was not there for me this time. I panic slightly before hearing the shower. The dream had unsettled me and I struggled to find its meaning. I shrugged it off when I couldn't find an immediate answer. After all, it was just a dream.

The next three weeks pass quickly. Carlisle had seen Edward once a week and talked to him several other times. Carlisle thought Edward wanted to believe him about cheating but had too much loyalty towards his mother to do so. They had decided to drop the subject and just concentrate on themselves.

Carlisle asked me to accompany him on some of the meetings with Edward but I never wanted to get in the way. It was their bonding time and I didn't want to interfere.

The dreaded retreat was a go. I hated that I would have to spend a weekend subjecting Carlisle to the hell that is my coworkers. Although I did ponder the fun it would be to have loud sex next to Jessica's tent.

"Hey baby," I said to Carlisle as he came home from work.

"Hi sweetheart," he replied giving me a chaste kiss while flipping through the mail.

"So the retreat for work is a go."

"What retreat?" Carlisle asks confused.

"You know, the one I have been talking about for the last three weeks," I said a little miffed.

"Oh right, sorry," he replied still occupied with the mail.

"So it's in a couple weeks. We leave Friday morning and come back Sunday night."

Carlisle pulled out his phone and looked at his calendar for a moment. He looked up at me with an apologetic look on his face.

"No, you have to come. You can't leave me alone with those people," I said whining.

"Baby, I can't leave the clinic on that Friday, I have a full day. I just got caught up from our honeymoon." I pulled my face into a pout. "Hey I have an idea, why don't you take Edward? He has been wanting to get to know you better. I would love for you two to become close so that we can start spending time all together."

The idea of spending an entire weekend with a man who I have spoken only a few words to seemed like a very unappealing idea. However, the idea of spending it without anyone to escape from my coworkers to sounded even worse.

I know it is important for Carlisle to rebuild his relationship with Edward, and I knew that eventually I would need to become involved. I looked at my husband, who had nothing but hope in his eyes.

"I'll think about it, okay?" I said not wanting to commit out loud just yet.

"Thank you," he said covering my face with kisses.

Alice, Jacob, James and Emmett met me at our usual spot. Every other Friday we would all meet for lunch and general gossiping.

"I would like to start things off today," Alice piped up before we even finished sitting down, "I'm going to marry Jasper."

"What!" I said shocked, "Did he ask you? You just met."

"No, he didn't ask. But I know, he is totally the one," she said beaming.

"That's great," said James while Emmett mumbled some other form of congratulations.

I looked over at Jacob who looked a little sad. I leaned into him and gave his hand a little squeeze.

"Don't worry, you'll find someone too," I said quietly so the others wouldn't hear.

"I know. I just feel like I'm going to be the last one to find anyone. And I feel like I want it the most," he whined.

"So James, I hear you have some news," Emmett said bringing everyone back to the conversation.

James face immediately turned red and lowered his head. I remembered why I loved James so much. He blushed even more than I did. He shook his head once for good measure but Emmett wasn't having any of it.

"James had sex," Emmett said it like he was telling everyone what James had for breakfast.

"Aww," I cooed, "Was the little red headed girl any good?"

James turned impossibly red before he looked up and stated, "fuck yeah!"

The table erupted in laughter as we all took in the bold comment James had spoke.

"Did she tie you up and spank you?" Alice threw out. James averted his eyes from Alice and mistakenly looked at me. I could always read James like a book.

"Oh my goodness, you tied her up!" I nearly shouted.

"I knew it, it's always the quiet ones," Alice chimed in.

James threw a sugar packet at her and beamed her in the forehead. That started another round of laughter. Once we all calmed down and ordered I took my turn.

"So guys, I need to ask your opinions. I have a retreat coming up at work. It is two nights camping out in the bush with my coworkers and their families."

"That sucks," Emmett threw in.

"Yeah," I concurred, "So Carlisle is unable to make it and he thinks Edward should go, so that we can get to know each other. What do you think I should do?"

The table was quiet for a moment while my friends weighed the pros and cons of the situation. I was very lucky to have friends that I could trust to be completely honest with me.

"I say do it," Jacob was the first to speak, "if it's important to Carlisle that you get to know Edward then this may be a great way to do it outside of Carlisle. Less pressure than having them both there."

"What if I ask him and he gets freaked out by it?" I asked. This was my biggest concern. Edward wasn't a ten year old boy. He was the same age as me and that could get weird.

"Well then he doesn't go, but then you tried right?" Emmett said, always the voice of reason even when you never expect it.

"Yeah, okay. I'll give it a go," I said.

A couple of days later I received an e-mail from Edward. I had been too chicken to ask him about the retreat yet, but I had let Carlisle know my intentions of doing so.

_Bella, _

_I hope you don't mind that I'm e-mailing you. I know we haven't for a while. My Dad told me about your retreat and I just wanted to let you know I'm on board if you want me there. I would love a chance to get to know you better. I have been out of my Father's life for so long, I think getting to know you would be a big step in getting to know him again. _

_What do you think?_

_Edward_

I took me a moment to process the words of his e-mail. I knew this would be important to Carlisle but I didn't see how Edward would view it. Now that I knew that it was just as important to Edward as it was to Carlisle, I didn't hesitate.

_Edward, _

_I would love if you would accompany me on my retreat. I am excited to get to know you as well. _

_Bella_


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N- Sorry guys, you have to wait until next chapter for the retreat. **

**Twilight is not mine.**

**Please review, I got some great reviews from last chapter. **

Chapter 10

Carlisle and my first Christmas was somewhat awkward. I had yet to tell either of my parents who I had been seeing for the last few months. We decided to spend Christmas eve with each other as there was no way I was getting out of Christmas dinner with my dad.

Looking back now I feel guilty, I didn't once think of how it must have felt for Carlisle to be home alone at Christmas because of my inability to come clean to Charlie.

I arrived at Carlisle's house around four in the afternoon. I would have to leave by nine to get home before curfew so we wanted to get as much time together as we could.

"Hi sweetheart," he said answering his door.

"Hi," I said still a little shy with the term of endearment.

He ushered me in and took my coat. My cheeks were pink from the cold outside. I threw my gloves and scarf along with my gift for Carlisle on the table by the door before initiating my hug. Carlisle's warm body next to my cold one felt heavenly.

He prepared some appetizers to get us through the night. Carlisle was never much of a cook outside of his muffins. I could see the boxes of premade appetizers sitting on the kitchen counter as we walked towards the living room.

The living room was decorated modestly for Christmas. There was a small pre-lit tree in the corner and a few knick knacks floating around on the shelves.

We sat down on the couch neither of us speaking. It took a while for us to iron out the uncomfortable silences between us. I knew that he was always thinking about our age gap. He had told me many times that it made him feel wrong. I would then beg him to reconsider and we would spend time rediscovering our commonalities.

"Oh," Carlisle said clearing his throat, "I got something for you."

I smiled. Christmas had always been my favorite time of the year. My family never having much extra cash would always make things for each other for Christmas. One year my dad whittled me an entire chess set. It took him six months, but it was my favorite present I have ever received. If we ever bought things for each other, they would be small and there would be a lot of thought behind them.

Carlisle handed me the small box and I smiled again in anticipation. I tore open the wrapping paper, because that is the only way to open a gift. I opened the box and my smiled dropped. In my hands was a tennis bracelet. And upon further investigation I realized that the diamonds were real.

"Do you like it?" he asked with hope in his voice.

"I can't accept this," I said handing him back the box, twisting my hair in between my fingers.

"What do you mean, you can't accept this?" he asked curtly.

"It's too much," I said trying not to hurt his feelings.

"Nonsense," he said and handed me back the box as if to end the discussion.

"I don't have anywhere to wear something like this. I would feel uncomfortable wearing anything that pricey," I said hoping he would see my point.

"Bella," he sighed, "I want to take you all sorts of places. Places that you can wear things like this bracelet."

My mind left the bracelet for a moment and focused on what he said. This was the first time he made any kind of mention of future plans. I was so ecstatic that I threw my arms around him and gave him a big kiss. He took this as my thank you for the bracelet and I was done fighting it so I just took it. I wish I would have held onto my ideals as he has only ever given me things like that since.

I pulled back from his kiss and jumped up.

"I have something for you too," I said running back to the entryway to retrieve his gift.

I brought my present back into the room for him hoping that he would like what I had done, his eyebrow quirked up before carefully removing the tape from the gift. He unfolded the paper carefully and looked down at the gift and smiled politely.

"It's lovely," he said holding up the frame, looking at it for a moment and then putting it down on the coffee table.

I had spent three weeks cutting and filing and painting to make that frame. I put in a picture of us on one of our first dates in it and then carved the date on the frame. I felt a little disheartened with his reaction. However I was done fighting about gifts. I guess I could say that I wasn't so gracious accepting his gift either. I vowed I would be more grateful of these things in the future and maybe he would become more aware of the types of things I appreciated receiving.

The week leading up to the camping trip caused me a lot of stress, the first being that I could see no way around Edward and I sharing a tent. The company had allotted only one space per family and they were not big enough to hold two tents. That week I went out and bought a new tent with a centre divider. Giving Edward some privacy was the least I could do considering that he was making the sacrifice of coming with me.

The second problem I faced was Jessica. Once she caught word I was bringing Edward and not Carlisle she started in on the gossip. The last I had heard when I left the office that Friday was that Edward and I were trying to have a baby together because Carlisle's sperm count was too low. Looking back, I guess it could have been worse.

I e-mailed Edward a few times as well, making sure he had all the necessities. Carlisle had offered to pay for anything he may need. I ended up only needing to buy him a sleeping bag as he had everything else he needed.

Meals were going to be provided for us so we didn't need to take any cooking equipment. I did decide on taking a small cooler so that we could have a few snacks and drinks at the campsite.

I pulled out the itinerary to go over it one more time. I had made the damn thing and had it committed to memory, so I wasn't sure why I kept a death grip on it for the entire week leading up to the trip.

"Hey honey, Edward will be here soon do you want me to take your bags down," Carlisle asked entering our bedroom.

"Sure, I think I have everything we will need," I replied not looking up from the itinerary.

There was going to be very little down time, I was a little thankful of that fact. I was a nervous of the alone time with Edward. What if he hated me? He said he didn't blame me for anything but that could change once he got to know me.

I heard the doorbell ring just as I finished re-packing my purse. I wasn't going to need my Costco card out in the bushes. I headed down stairs a little slower than normal. By the time I had gotten downstairs there was no one there. My luggage was gone. I peeked out the window and saw the boys loading up my bags.

We were taking Edward's car as my truck was in the shop, again. Carlisle begged me to get rid of that thing but I loved it too much.

I watched them interact through the window. They had come a long way in just a few short weeks, the tension in their bodies gone as they joked around. I watched as Carlisle ran his hands through Edward's messy head of hair. I felt a strange tinge but shook it off as more nerves about the weekend. Edward then ran his own fingers through his hair trying to tame the untamable mess. I giggled softly at their exchange.

Carlisle's noticeably happier mood at home was something I was very grateful for. Our marriage felt like we had finally put in the last missing piece.

I walked outside and met them at the car. They were still laughing about something. When Edward's eyes met mine he stopped.

"You ready to go?" he asked me, the laughter in his voice gone.

"Yup," I said.

Edward walked over to the driver's side of the car while I said goodbye to Carlisle.

"I'll miss you," I said pulling him into a hug.

"Me too," he said giving me a chaste kiss on the lips. Carlisle hated public displays of affection. I was just as happy; the thought of being passionate in front of Edward left me with a funny feeling.

I looked back over to Edward; he had still not gotten into the car. His face had a pained expression on it and I was happy that Carlisle and I had said our goodbyes properly this morning. I shot Edward a sympathetic smile and got into the car. I knew he was uncomfortable with a new love in his Dad's life.

Edward got in and pulled away giving a small wave out the window to Carlisle.

Neither of us said a word for the first fifteen minutes. The silence was comfortable, not awkward like I would have imagined it being. Edward pulled out his IPod and handed it to me.

"Here, you pick something," he said.

I looked through his music selection and saw that it was very diverse. There was a lot of music that I had in my own personal collection. I picked something out of his classical selection thinking that something without words would help a conversation along.

"Debussy?" he said in a surprised tone.

"I like classical music while driving, it calms my road rage," I told him only half joking. I really did suffer from bad road rage and I found classical music did help, a little.

He chuckled at me and tapped the steering wheel with his fingers. I noticed then how long and delicate they were. I remember that Carlisle told me he played the piano. With fingers like those he must be very good. I had a little shiver at the thought.

"You play the piano, right?" I asked hoping to start a conversation.

"Yes, ever since I can remember. I love it very much. Do you play?" he asked.

"No, musical instruments take much too much coordination for someone like me," I chuckled.

"How do you mean?"

"I'm very clumsy," I said blushing.

"I could teach you," he said humbly.

"Maybe, but I might find it too hard."

The next thing that came out of Edward's mouth was so quiet I almost didn't hear it, "That's what she said."

I burst out laughing at The Office reference. It was my favorite show and I was always quoting that exact line. Carlisle had become so sick of that joke that he literally forbade me from ever saying it again.

Edward blushed at being caught. The way the blood rushed to his cheeks was very inviting. I felt the urge to touch his cheek, but I resisted. That was not something that you could do with your step-son. I felt guilty for the urge.

The rest of the car ride was filled with light conversation. I told him a little bit about my parents. He asked about what they thought about my marriage to Carlisle. I said that they were happy that I was happy. It was mostly the truth; I didn't feel the need to tell him about Charlie's rant.

He told me a little bit about his childhood, his love of piano and the same tree story Carlisle had told me the other night. I vowed silently to get him up a tree this weekend.

We arrived at the campsite just after lunch time. I was lucky enough to get out of the check in duty. Jessica sat there with a disgusted look on her face as we entered the hall. This was a girl who did not do the outdoors.

When she finally looked up at us she stopped scowling. She looked Edward up and down slowly like she was scanning his body into her tiny brain computer.

"Well, hello handsome," she said openly flirting.

Edward shifted back and forth on his feet, visibly uncomfortable.

"Jessica, just give us our campsite assignment," I said trying to move things along.

She shot me a dirty look and handed me a piece of paper with our campsite number on it.

"Thanks," I said, "say hi to Tyler for me."

If looks could kill, I would be ten feet under. Edward chuckled under his breath and followed me back outside.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N- Twilight is still not mine. However I now know that both Stephenie and Rob read fanfiction so that makes me a little nervous. **

**Anyways hope you enjoy this chapter, a lot of you have been looking forward to the retreat.**

Chapter 11

Edward and I found our campsite easily. We had one of the nicer sites that were covered in trees giving us extra privacy. We worked in perfect unison setting up the site. Edward prepped the poles as I unrolled the tent. We were set up in record time. I had not expected Edward to be so proficient in camping he struck me as more of a city boy like Carlisle.

By the time we had our site all set up it was time to go to the meeting area for the 'opening ceremonies'. I apologized ahead of time for my coworkers. I was hoping that this part would be over quickly.

Jessica and Tyler were already down at the meeting area. Mike and his wife Lauren were filling out name tags.

"Cullen," Mike called out. Edward's head popped up in confusion before realizing that it was me that Mike was addressing.

"Mike, this is Edward, Edward this is my boss Mike." They shook each other's hands but didn't speak.

My other coworkers slowly trickled in. Leah, who worked on another floor so I didn't know her well, brought her boyfriend Sam. And Quil who works in the cubicle next to me yet I have never heard him speak a word brought someone named Embry with him. I wasn't sure if he was gay but if I had to hazard a guess I would say that Embry is a relative and not a lover.

Everyone groaned about having to wear nametags but I was secretly grateful that I wouldn't have to remember all the guests' names on my own.

"Okay everyone, we are going to start with a 'get to know you' game," Mike said as everyone took a seat on the benches that were scattered around, "we will go around and introduce the guests that we brought with us and tell us our favorite memory about that person, and they can tell one about us."

Why did it have to get awkward so soon? I had just met Edward, how on earth was I supposed to come up with a favorite memory when I didn't even have any memories with him to begin with. I looked at Edward and gave him a sheepish smile, but he didn't look scared. He looked confident and sexy. Immediately I looked away and felt the blush rise, I chastised myself for thinking of him in that way yet again.

"I'll start," Jessica said looking at Edward the whole time, "This is Tyler, my friend. My favorite memory is when he made me breakfast on my birthday last year."

Tyler looked up at Jessica like she was crazy. I had a feeling that Tyler was getting props for something he never did just to make Jessica feel better about herself.

"Uh, Hi I'm Tyler, and I'm Jessica's BOYfriend," he said emphasizing his point towards Edward, "my favorite memory of Jessica is from her sister's wedding when she gave me a blow… "

Tyler couldn't finish his sentence because Jessica had slapped him and covered his mouth.

"Okay," Mike jumped in, "Bella, why don't you go next."

I sat there unsure what to say. I could feel my cheeks getting hot.

"Come on Bella, what is your favorite part about your step-son?" Jessica asked with innuendo.

Edward cleared his throat and spoke up. "Hi, I'm Edward and my favorite memory about Bella was from the car ride up here. When she was flipping through the songs on my IPod she would start humming to herself when she found a tune she liked."

I blushed again not realizing that I even did that, it seemed like a small thing to notice but I was appreciative that he was so aware. His comment helped me pick one for him.

"Hi, I'm Bella and Edward is my husband's son. We haven't known each other very long but I have to say my favorite memory was Edward quoting The Office on the ride down here," I laughed.

Edward smiled at me and our eyes met for a few seconds longer than I intended. When I turned my attention back to the group Quil was confirming my suspicions about Embry being a family member, his brother.

After we were dismissed from our activity Edward and I headed back to the campsite. We walked without talking and I noticed an electricity between us that I attributed to nerves. Edward started on building a fire as soon as we were back.

I watched him bend over and toss the logs in the fire pit. He really was very attractive. I watched the way the muscles in his back rippled while he worked on the fire. The shirt he was wearing was snug fitting and it showed off both his toned arms and his strong core.

Edward stood up and turned around with a smug grin on his face, like he had just invented fire himself. The smile fell from his face and I realized that I had just been caught ogling him. I turned three shades of red and turned away from him.

"Do you want something from the cooler?" I asked hoping to shake the awkwardness.

"Sure, just bring me whatever you are having."

I pulled out two coolers and tossed one over to Edward. We sat there watching the fire in silence for a few moments collecting our thoughts.

"Maybe this would be easier if we just took turns asking questions," he suggested.

"Ok, you go first," I said not wanting to be put on the spot.

"What's your favorite color?"

"Oh, we are diving deep are we?"

"I just wanted to give you one easy one before I start grilling you," he joked.

"Green," I replied, "okay, my turn. Are you seeing anyone?"

"Wow, not pulling any punches I see," he replied a little shocked from my question, "no, I'm currently single. I was dating a girl for just over a year but that ended a few months ago"

I let out a breath of air that I didn't realize I was holding. I felt relieved that he wasn't seeing anyone yet I refused to delve deeper into my psyche to figure out why.

"Since we are going to ask personal questions here's one for you. How old were you when you lost your virginity?"

I felt myself blushing again. I contemplated lying, I didn't really want to talk to Edward about sex with his father but I didn't want to be dishonest.

"I lost my virginity on my wedding night," I said quietly. Edward looked a little angry.

"What is it?" I asked

"It just makes me mad to think he took advantage of you."

"He didn't Edward, I was his wife. It's sort of allowed you know," I said trying to lighten the mood.

"I just always figured that when my father had married someone so much younger that you would be the kind of girl that 'got around' if you know what I mean. I guess knowing that you were so pure makes me a little mad at my Dad for being so selfish as to take that away from you."

"He didn't take anything from me Edward, I gave it to him," I said softly but firmly, "Okay, it's my turn. What's your favorite memory?"

"Nice one! I would have to say when I was five I went to the fair with my Mom and Dad. I loved holding their hands and swinging. It's a time that I remember everyone being happy." Edward's voice turned a little sad.

I looked down feeling a little ashamed at being part of that hurt.

"Are you planning on having children?" Edward asked.

"No, Carlisle said he is done having children," I said remembering the talk we had very early on about his vasectomy.

"Don't you want children?"

"I never really thought about it," I said honestly, "So when Carlisle told me he could no longer have children I just figured that was that."

There was another lull in our little game but the silence was comfortable. It was like we were both processing the information the other had given us.

I got an idea in my head and I jumped up and grabbed his hand. He looked at me funny but followed me when I lead him into the bush. I was looking for just the right one.

"Where are we going Bella?" he asked finally.

"I think you should climb a tree," I said smiling.

He stopped and the backward force on my hand cause me to stumble back. Edward caught me before I fell. The feel of his warm hands around my middle caused my heart to race and my body to betray me. I mentally scolded my traitor body and stood up.

I looked back at Edward who was trying to suppress a grin.

"Oh, now you are climbing a tree for sure," I huffed.

Edward's grin broke into a full out laugh, his fear apparently forgotten in my clumsiness. I searched for something worth climbing when I heard a noise coming from not far away. I stopped and looked at Edward.

"Uhhn," the sound came again.

"Did you hear that?" I asked Edward in a hushed voice. He nodded.

"YES, YES!" came the female voice through the trees.

Edward and I looked at each other and giggled. I felt like I was fifteen at summer camp again. Edward turned to head back the way we came but I gave a light tug on his arm to inform him that we were going to check this out.

I put my finger up to my lips and let out a quiet 'shhhhh' which caused us to break out in giggles again. I noticed the way the moonlight hit Edward through the trees. He had an ethereal beauty. I wondered why a man like that would be unattached even for the shortest of durations. I pulled myself out of my head and went back to the task at hand. I gave a little head flick to get him to follow me. We slinked our way through the forest towards the sound.

"Oh baby, that's good," the voice said.

"Holy crap, that's Jessica!" I said in a loud whisper. Edward quickly brought his hand up to my mouth to stifle the sound.

Unfortunately, Edward's hand on my lips caused my body only to want to make more sounds. I was angry at myself when he pulled away. These thoughts needed to stop. I know people have fantasies of people who are not their spouses but I'm pretty sure step sons were off limits, even in imaginary land.

We headed closer to the sound. I couldn't figure out why Tyler and Jessica would be out in the bushes screwing when they could use their tent. It didn't take me long to find out. When I rounded past the last tree I came into their view. Jessica's back was to me and she was pressed up against a tree, her curly hair flinging back and forth as she was being pounded into. The head poking around her shoulder was not the one I was expecting to see. He saw my wide eyes and he pulled back off Jessica.

"Shit, let's go," I said grabbing Edward's arm and plowing back through the bushes as fast as I could go.

"What is it?" he asked keeping pace with me.

"That was my boss back there," I said not stopping to consider that this may have an impact on my job.

We arrived back at our campsite when the humor of the situation hit me. I started in a new round of hysterics. Edward grabbed our bags out of the car and threw them in the tent. I didn't want to face either Jessica or Mike tonight so hiding in the tent was the only way to go.

I climbed into my side of the tent and grabbed my flashlight. Edward crawled into his side and I saw his light flick on before he zipped up the door. I grabbed my sweats and t-shirt that I brought to sleep in. I pulled the shirt over my head and looked up at the divider.

The fates at that moment decided they hated me. With Edward's flashlight positioned where it was I could see his shadow through the divider. I watched as he pulled his shirt over his head painfully slow. I could see his toned arms as they stretched up removing the offending clothing. I let out a small moan.

My hand flew up to my face so quickly that I smacked myself on the mouth creating a clear slap sound.

"Bella?" Edward asked, "Are you okay?"

"Uh..yeah. Just swatting a mosquito," I said lamely.

I heard him chuckle lightly, "Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight Edward."


	12. Chapter 12

**Twilight is not mine. Hey guys this chapter is the longest yet. Hooray! Please leave a review and let me know what you think. **

**If you guys aren't reading The Lost Boys by hwimsey, then head there after you read this chapter. It is super romantic and has sexy musician Edward with an accent. **

Chapter 12

_Carlisle hands ghosted over my body as he left kisses in their wake. I looked up at my loving husband and studied his face, his square jaw, his straight nose, his blue eyes turning green? I looked back up to see his blonde hair redden and then darken. _

"_Bella, do you want me to stop?" Edward asked._

"_No," I replied pulling him in for a kiss. _

_Our bodies melded together in passion, my head thrown back as I called out his name._

"_Edward."_

My eyes flew open and my breathing was staggered. The dream was vivid and if there was any doubt to the fact that I was attracted to Edward it was now long gone. My best course of action was just to forget about it.

Carlisle and I had had a long talk about cheating before we got married. He told me that there was no excuse for it. That it was a disgusting way to treat the one you love. I know that he said all of these things to make me feel better, to feel more secure in our love, but I was suddenly feeling sick at the thought. I didn't cheat, I wouldn't cheat, but there was no doubt in my mind that my body wanted to.

"Bella?" Edward's honey voice drifted through the tent. I couldn't avoid him so I hiked up my big girl panties and answered.

"Yes?"

"Oh, I was just checking to see if you were really awake this time," he replied.

That could only mean one thing; I was talking in my sleep again. A string of profanities ran through my head, I had just had a sex dream about Edward. What were the chances that I didn't say his name?

I pulled on some jeans and a t-shirt and made my way out of the tent. Edward was right behind me.

"Did you sleep well?" he asked a bit smugly. Oh god, I did say his name.

"Ah…" I hesitated, "what did I say?"

"Well there was a lot of moaning so I would say you did sleep well."

"Was that it? Just moaning?" I sighed in relief. At least he just thought it was a random sex dream.

"And my name," he chuckled.

"Oh god," came out on my breath. I could feel my entire body flushing at the humiliation. I sat down on the bench and stuck my head between my legs trying to regulate my breathing.

"Bella, are you okay?" he asked suddenly beside me, "Don't be embarrassed. I'm sorry. I thought you would find it funny, shit."

I looked up at his face and immediately regretted it. His green eyes looked pained at the embarrassment he caused. I wanted to reach out and comfort him and then I thought about how screwed up that would be.

"Sometimes our subconscious wants what it knows it can't have," he said these words to me but at the same time he sounded like he was saying it to himself, "it's no big deal, it doesn't mean anything."

He reached up and pushed a stray hair behind my ear. Our eyes were locked on each other's unable to look away. My breathing picked up as I realized that I could smell him. He didn't smell like a man should after spending a night in the bush. He smelled fresh and clean, like the rain.

We were brought out of our moment by the sounds of twigs snapping. I snapped my head over to see Jessica heading towards us. I realized that I had been leaning towards Edward like I was being pulled into his orbit. I groaned as I straightened up. This was the last thing I needed to deal with right now, although I was grateful for the break in our tension.

Edward saw Jessica and grabbed his toiletries bag to head off to the showers to give us some privacy.

"Morning," Edward said with a smirk as he passed her.

Jessica looked down ashamed. It was the first time I had ever saw her display any type of real emotion besides skank, which isn't a real emotion so I stand by my statement.

"Bella, can we talk?" she asked quietly approaching me.

"Uhm." I wasn't sure what to say. What do you say to a coworker you found screwing your married boss the night before?

"Okay, just let me talk then," she said sighing, "Mike and I would really appreciate you not saying anything about what happened last night. He and Lauren have been have been having problems for a long while and well Tyler is a bit of a douchebag."

"So why are you still with him?" I asked curiously, I mean she was right so why stay?

"Honestly?" I nodded, "It makes me feel less like the other woman."

There was a tinge of sadness in her voice as she spoke and I almost felt sorry for her. Who would put themselves in this kind of a situation? Then I remembered the dream and all of the naughty thoughts I had leading up to it. Maybe things weren't always black and white. Maybe I had misjudged Jessica.

"Is Mike going to leave Lauren?" I asked her.

"He tells me he is, but I am starting to doubt it," she said truthfully.

"Jessica, I know we have had our differences in the past, but no one deserves to be someone else's second choice. Both Tyler and Lauren deserve to know, or else you owe it to them to end this thing with Mike."

"I know," she said sniffing, "and Bella, I'm sorry about the way I've been to you."

Never once in my wildest imagination did I expect the retreat to go like this. I gave Jessica an awkward hug and told her I would see her at breakfast. I would keep their secret for now; it was not mine to tell.

I grabbed my things and headed down towards the shower, Edward had still not returned. He must have been giving us time to have our conversation.

As I showered I thought to myself the pickle that Jessica had gotten herself into. I needed to not make that mistake. I would purge these unclean thoughts of Edward from my mind. Nothing good could come of them. It was at times like this that I missed my old self. Old Bella would have not even bothered to look at Edward twice knowing he was out of my league. But new Bella, the one that wooed Carlisle knew that attraction can come from anywhere. I stopped thinking and engulfed myself in the scent of my strawberry body wash.

I stepped out of the shower and looked in the mirror giving myself a pep talk. I would no longer fantasize about Carlisle's son. It was wrong. I gave myself a little nod in the mirror and headed back outside. Feeling confident about my control I put a little hop in my step on the way back to the campsite.

Edward had his back to me and he was bent over grabbing something from the cooler. I froze. I realized that it wasn't my mind I had to convince it was my body. My hands wanted to hold him, my legs wanted to wrap around his waist, my lips wanted to kiss him.

I shook my head and forced myself to look away. It was only one more day and then I would be free. Edward would go back to his life and I would see him occasionally when Carlisle was around. Surely when I had them both together I would see clearly that my husband was the man for me. I scolded myself yet again for thinking of them together, with me. A yummy Bella sandwich. I am going to need serious therapy after this weekend.

"Are you ready to head down?" Edward asked coming over to me, "mmm you smell really good."

"Thanks, it's my strawberry body wash. Carlisle hates it so I thought I would use it this weekend," I said trying to avoid eye contact.

"Then he is crazy," said Edward under his breath, "Shall we?"

"Yeah, let's go."

After breakfast we went to the meeting area for our trust exercises. It was a simple exercise involving a tree trunk. We would stand on it and fall back into the awaiting arms of our 'trusted' coworkers. Jessica went first as we lined up behind her and joined arms. I felt the jolt again when Edward grabbed my forearms with his hands. I refused to look up and acknowledge it.

We caught Jessica with no problems. She seemed rather pleased with herself when all she did was fall.

"Bella, why don't you go next?" said Mike, "we all need to trust each other." The double meaning was loud and clear.

I hopped up not quite gingerly on the log nearly falling over the wrong side of it. I crossed my arms across my chest and fell back. It all happened rather sudden. I fell into the sea of arms when I felt one hand slide up and brush between my legs brushing my sex. I stifled a moan, the warmth felt good but I was embarrassed about being turned on by a hand that could belong to anyone of my unwanted coworkers. I looked up and saw Edward and Leah holding arms at about the right spot. From the look on Edward's face, I knew it was him. His eyes were down and his face was red, at least it was an accident.

It made no sense to call him out on it, so I just let it be. Unfortunately my body remembered the sensation for the rest of the day.

By the evening I was thoroughly worked up without a chance of relief in sight. I needed to get my mind off of the frustration. Edward went down to the main hall to cash in on the evening snack. I stayed and sat on the bench staring at the fire.

I had to think of Carlisle. Of my wonderful husband who loved me. I thought of the proposal.

"_Carlisle, where do you see us going?" I asked._

_He looked up from the movie we were watching with a bit of a shocked expression. We have been dating for a year and never really discussed any future. _

"_I don't know Bella. I love you, but I know that we may want different things from our futures."_

"_What do you mean?" I asked him._

"_Well Bella, I can't have kids anymore. I have had a vasectomy," he replied. _

_I thought about this for a moment. Did I want kids? I looked at Carlisle and all I could think of was that I wanted him, forever. I didn't care if we didn't have kids. He was more than enough for me. _

"_I don't care about that," I said sounding sure. _

"_Bella, you may change your mind. We can just see how this goes. I will take you for however long you will have me," he said placing a chaste kiss on my forehead. _

"_I want you forever," I said._

"_What?" he said confused. _

"_Carlisle, I want to marry you." _

"_You do?" he said with a smile on his face. _

"_Yes, Carlisle Cullen will you marry me?" _

_I never considered in my entire life that I would be the one to propose, but I did. Carlisle said yes and then had a good laugh about it. I had been the instigator in the relationship; it was only fitting that I be the one to propose. _

I smiled at the memory. Thinking back to the moment he said yes. I felt so complete, so happy.

"I brought you some hot chocolate," Edward said breaking me out of my memory.

"Thanks," I said looking up at him.

How did this man come along and shake my very core? I looked at him and sure, he was extremely handsome but it was more than that. His sense of humor, his kindness, and the way I felt at ease with him. I was really attracted to him.

I knew it was too early to retreat to the tent for the night so I fumbled in my brain for things to talk about. Maybe if I could get him to talk about girls in his past it might turn me off. Surely a man as attractive as Edward got around.

"So Edward, do you want to tell me about this girl you broke up with a few months ago?"

"Well, we just wanted different things. I think she saw me as her arm candy and I wanted to find someone that I really connected with."

Okay this wasn't working. "How about before her? There must have been plenty of women come and go."

"Not really, I had a few dates with a few different girls but nothing worth pursuing."

"So you're a love em and leave em kind of guy?" I joked.

"No, there wasn't any 'lovin' if that is what you're getting at. Tanya is the only girl I have been with," he said rather sternly.

I felt guilty; in attempts to make myself feel better I had basically called him a slut.

"Sorry, I didn't mean anything by it," I said dumbly.

"It's okay. I just don't want you to think badly of me Bella. Your opinion matters to me."

I looked up into his green orbs lost. I snapped back, of course it matters Bella you are his Father's wife.

"Of course I don't think badly of you Edward, you are one of the most genuine people I have ever met."

Edward smiled broadly at my comment. I wanted to say things to make him smile more, but I also knew I shouldn't. I was learning quickly that I had a weakness for that smile and I should avoid it at all costs.

I could hear his breathing from the other side of the tent. I could tell he was asleep but I was still too scared to fall asleep myself. I was certain that I would dream of Edward and I didn't want that awkward conversation two mornings in a row.

I fidgeted and squirmed trying to keep myself awake. I couldn't stop thinking about the feeling of Edward's hand on my leg. It wasn't hard to imagine that hand running up and down my body, massaging and teasing. I let out a frustrated groan, this was not helping.

I pulled the divider over slightly; I told myself it was just to take a quick look. He was lying on his back, his chest rising and falling with his breathing. Edward sleeping was just about the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. His face relaxed and so peaceful reminded me of the feeling of floating. His one arm was stretched out toward my side of the tent as if inviting me to come and lay beside him.

I wanted to touch him but I thought better of it. I closed the divider and lay back down on my pillow. This was going to be a long night.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N Hey all, I will be out of town this weekend so it may be a bit longer until my next update. I posted a one-shot yesterday that is called Remember Me, go check it out. A few people have asked me to continue it but don't worry, I will finish this first before I do that. **

Chapter 13

The car ride home was long. With no sleep the night before my mood was on edge. My mind dull from the lack of sleep, I closed my eyes causing my other senses to be heightened. Edward's rain smell engulfed me in the car, soothing me and taunting me at the same time. I could hear his breathing and I was almost delusional enough to think I could hear his heartbeat in time with mine.

"Did you not sleep well?" Edward asked bringing me out of my haze.

"Not really," I said yawning, but keeping my tired eyes closed.

"I slept better this weekend than I have in a long time, maybe I should always sleep in a tent." He forced a laugh at the end.

We didn't speak again for the remainder of the trip.

I felt the car slow down and pull to a stop. I opened my eyes and saw my house. I have never been so glad and so scared of a place in my life.

"Well," I cleared my throat, "thank you for coming with me this weekend."

"No problem," he smiled at me, "I was really glad to get to know you better Bella."

I looked in his eyes and saw the sincerity of his comment. Could it be that he felt an attraction to me as well? It didn't matter so I didn't put anymore thought into it.

"Me too Edward."

Carlisle met us at the car and gave me a quick hug.

"I missed you," he said.

"I missed you too," I said yawning yet again.

The guys grabbed my baggage and brought it into the house. Edward and Carlisle had a quick chat while I went into the bathroom to splash some water on my face. Edward was gone by the time I got back, and I was both grateful and sad.

Carlisle's arms encased me in what used to be a comforting hug, now it felt guilty. I didn't do anything wrong, I reminded myself. Just a harmless fantasy, besides the weekend is over now and there is no reason to spend alone time with Edward ever again.

Carlisle leaned in and sniffed my neck. "Ugh, you smell like strawberries," he said, his tone playful.

"Sorry," I laughed, "just wanted to use it up while you weren't around."

I released myself from his hold and headed up to the bathroom. A shower would feel good. I washed away any trace of the weekend off my body and lathered up with my coconut wash.

Carlisle was waiting for me on the bed when I came out. I slid on my pajama pants and tank top and crawled in next to him. He leaned in and gave me a kiss, starting slow and then building with desire. I pulled back, something I had never done before.

"I'm really tired baby, can we do this tomorrow?"

Carlisle looked at me and then furrowed his brow, searching my face for something.

"Okay," he said and then turned to shut off the light.

If anyone would have told me a month ago that I would have impure thoughts about a man who is not my husband, my answer would have been, "are you crazy, have you seen him?" Who would have thought the retort to that would be, "yeah, but have you seen his son?"

Thinking back over the weekend I realized that my imagination must have taken control of me. There was no way that he could have been as attractive, witty and sweet as I remembered. Carlisle is just as attractive, sure he doesn't have that raw animal magnetism thing going on but he has an air of comfort and stability that makes a long term relationship work. Carlisle may not always get my jokes but he does love me like no other.

There really is no comparison I told myself. Only that was the problem.

The next week took a little practice getting back into my routine. It took a couple of days for me to start acting normal around Carlisle but a reminder of his loving ways was enough to shake the weekend off.

Work was strange to say the least. Jessica no longer stopped by my desk to take pot shots and Mike's team spirit seemed directed away from me. I was left alone in my CUSS and I rather liked it.

Edward had sent me an e-mail a couple weeks after the retreat.

_Bella, _

_I am so glad that we had the opportunity to get to know one another at your retreat. I hope things aren't too awkward with your coworkers now. Maybe you could use the situation to get a raise. _

_Edward_

Spending time with my husband had erased all of the doubts in my head. Once again confident in my marriage I wanted to build a friendship with Edward.

_Edward, _

_No go on the raise, but Mike says he can add extra benefits to my contract if I want. Ew, it's gross even making a joke like that! _

_How is school going? Are you a Dr. yet? _

_Bella_

Emails were passed between us back and forth for a couple of months. We eased into a relaxed friendship. We didn't see each other in person, he was going through mid-terms and even Carlisle was forced to settle for phone calls.

"Bella," Carlisle called to me as he entered the games room.

"Yeah," I said looking up from the TV.

"I wanted to discuss something with you. I would like to invite Edward to come and spend Christmas with us. Esme's mother has fallen ill and she is going to Chicago to be with her. Edward can't leave for long as he has school. Do you mind if we host him here?"

My husband was so giving, even when there was something he wanted really badly he would always consult me before acting. It was one of the things that made us great partners.

"Of course not," I said.

Edward of course agreed to come and spend Christmas with us. He was grateful to not have to spend it alone.

I arrived at the mall on December 18th. I hated to leave my Christmas shopping until the last minute but a few things distracted me from my goal. Carlisle and I spent a good week decorating the house. We bought all new shiny decorations to cover our Christmas tree. We had a ten foot tree ordained with as much red and silver tinsel as it could hold. I think we bought target out of their whole supply.

Carlisle had nearly broken his neck putting up our Christmas lights. He said he wanted our first Christmas together to be perfect. He even bought one of those inflatable snowmen for our front yard.

"Jacob," I called out to my friend.

Jacob and I had been Christmas shopping buddies for as long as I could remember. It pissed Alice off like crazy but her shopping trips were too much to handle. Jacob and I were perfectly matched in the mall. We knew what we wanted going in and we didn't rush.

"Bella," he called back spotting me from across the food court.

We headed to our usual spot first. We ordered our frozen yogurts, I always got Oreo in mine and Jacob got raspberries.

"Got your list?" I asked him smiling. He only had his Dad to buy for as we decided long ago that our group wouldn't exchange gifts.

"Yup, I'm going to get my dad a motorized wheelchair this year."

Jacob's Dad, Billy, had been in a wheelchair for years now. Last year Jacob took the guys up to Forks and widened all his doorframes for him to allow him to get through his house easily.

I had a few ideas what to get Carlisle but I was having a problem deciding what to get Edward. We had only spent a weekend together but I felt like I had a decent grasp on what he would like. The problem was that anything I thought about getting him felt like it was too personal.

"What are you getting for your old man?" Jacob asked as we strolled through the mall.

"He needs new golf clubs, so I am getting him those. I also need to pick up some yarn because I am going to knit some golf club covers to go with it."

This was the way I had decided to compromise with gifts for Carlisle. I knew he would rather receive something new rather than something made, so I always got him something he wanted and then added something homemade to go with it.

"Knit? Bells, is Carlisle's age rubbing off on you?" I gave Jacob a light smack. "What are you getting for Edward?"

I put a spoonful of frozen yogurt in my mouth to buy me some time to answer.

"I was hoping that you might have some ideas for me," I said sheepishly, we never came unprepared to the mall.

"Well what is he like?" Jacob asked.

"Well he plays the piano and he has a 32GB iPod filled with music so I know he likes music. He liked camping but didn't have any of his own equipment. He is training to become a doctor so I don't think he has a lot of time for hobbies. He is really smart and funny. He loves 'The Office'…"

"Jeez Bella, I don't need the life story," Jacob laughed.

I looked down and blushed a little. Jacob looked at me with curiosity in his eyes.

"Is there something you want to tell me?" Jacob asked.

"Tell you? What do you mean?" I asked unsure where he was going with this.

"Never mind," he said still studying my face.

We walked through a couple of stores looking for gifts for Edward. I found a few things that I thought were perfect. Every time I would show one of my ideas to Jacob he would stare at me for a minute with his eyebrow cocked before he would answer. It was unusual behavior but Jacob is a bit of an unusual guy.

After finding almost everything I needed we decided to call it a day. Jacob walked me out to my car and helped pack in the golf clubs for Carlisle. The wheel chair for Billy would be delivered right to their house.

He gave me a quick hug and then pulled back. "Be careful Bells."

I snorted and rolled my eyes. My friends were always making cracks about my clumsiness. As I drove away I saw Jacob in my rearview mirror and the look on his face told me that this time he was referring to something else.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N- Twilight is not mine, no copyright infringement is intended. **

**Hey everyone, I had a few questions after the last chapter about Bella's sleep talking. Mostly asking whether or not Bella had said Edward's name while in bed with Carlisle, here is my answer: no. **

**Bella felt way too much guilt over the attraction causing even her subconscious to deny her Edward. After a few days she decided that her imagination was way better than real life and Edward could not be what she thought, causing no more erotic dreams about him. **

**Hope that clears things up. **

**The next chapter after this is uber long and is the cause of my 'M' rating. Reviews may cause me to proofread it quicker. ; ) **

Chapter 14

Carlisle's fortieth birthday came a few months before our wedding. He joked about it but I could tell he actually took it pretty hard.

"Are you sure you are still going to want me after I am out of my thirties?" he asked with a bit of edge to it.

"Baby, I'm going to want you even when you are out of your forties, I'm not sure about the sixties yet though," I answered smiling.

With that he grabbed me and pulled me close, "When I am in my sixties there will be all sorts of crazy upgrades on Viagra and you won't be able to keep your hands off me."

I laughed and reached up to kiss him. I thought to myself that there would never be a time when I didn't want this man.

On the twenty third of December I decided to surprise Carlisle at work. It was the last day before he closed the clinic down for the holidays. I took the bus as my truck wouldn't start because of the cold. I considered briefly finally letting go and getting a new car.

The weather was cold, I was grateful that I remembered my scarf and gloves. I could see my breath in the air and it reminded me of when I was a kid and my friends and I used to pretend we were smoking. I sped up my walking, weaving in and out of the holiday shoppers.

The clinic was packed. The waiting room was full and there was several people standing around the reception desk. That is when I saw her. She was stunning. I saw her coming down the hall with a smile on her face. She had long black hair and a stunning olive complexion. Her legs were longer than any woman's should dare to be and she walked around and sat down at the reception desk.

I felt the air leave my chest. I knew I should have faith in my husband, but all I could think of was Esme's accusations. Even if he hadn't cheated on me, Carlisle lied. There was a woman working at his clinic, an exotic Italian beauty.

I stood there for a moment trying to calm my brain. Then she spoke.

"Everyone, I need your attention. The clinic will be closing in fifteen minutes. There is a walk in clinic down the street on 5th avenue that is open twenty four hours. I am sorry for the inconvenience, please have a Merry Christmas."

Even her voice was sexy, husky but not like a smoker. More like a phone sex operator. I approached the desk with caution.

"Hi," I said.

"Sorry, but like I just said we can't take any more today," she said curtly.

"I'm Carlisle's wife. Can you let him know I am here?" I said feigning confidence. She gave me the once over.

"I'll just wait over here," I crumbled fast, cowering away from her scrutiny.

I sat in one of the waiting room chairs, careful not to touch the armrests. Those things are nasty. I fought the sting in my eye. I refused to consider any wrong doing until I heard Carlisle's side.

After fifteen minutes of sheer torture my husband surfaced from the back. He saw me sitting in the room and gave me a warm smile. He didn't look guilty, so I gave him a smile back.

"Hi," he said coming up to me, "I just have a couple of things to finish up and then I will be back out."

He turned around to head back and I quickly grabbed his hand. I pulled him to me and kissed him passionately in an attempt to claim him that couldn't have been more obvious if I had whipped my pants down and peed on him. Carlisle frowned at me before heading back. The beautiful receptionist watched him go with a smirk and then followed back a minute later. I watched in horror as this goddess followed my husband into the back area and left me to sit and speculate.

After what felt like an eternity Carlisle came back. He grabbed my hand without saying anything and headed out to the parking lot. Once we were in the car he turned to me with an annoyed look on his face.

"Do you want to tell me what that was all about?" his tone sharp.

"What are you talking about?" I decided to play dumb, because although I was pissed I hated confrontation.

"Bella, that was very unprofessional. I can't just be making out in my waiting room in front of the patients and employees."

"Well, most of your employees wouldn't mind. Of course I can't say if the new _girl_ would."

He looked at me and then his face softened.

"Is that what this is about? Jasper hired Giana last week. She is his assistant. She was only working the front desk because Demitri called in sick."

I felt like an idiot, "I'm sorry."

"I love _you_," Carlisle said leaning in and giving me a loving kiss.

"I know, I feel so stupid. It's just that I saw her and she's so pretty…," I said totally ashamed of myself.

"Not nearly as pretty as you," he said kissing me, "let's go home."

I felt awkward for the rest of the night. I hated when my insecurities came bursting through me. I spent so much time trying to push them down and every once in a while they come out. Carlisle had every right to be mad at me for my lack of faith in him and yet he did nothing but reassure me that I was the only one for him. I pulled out my good lingerie that night.

The next morning I got up early and started preparing the feast for that evening. Growing up Christmas Eve was a night of appetizers. Dry ribs, chicken wings, dips of all sorts as well as fondues were on the menu. Edward was supposed to come over around four and while we had become quite good friends over e-mail the last few weeks I was feeling rather nervous.

I reminded myself that my memory was far better than the actual being. There was no way he looked like the Adonis that I remembered. I spent the morning thinking about Edward and it worked me into a lather. I hunted down Carlisle after lunch and tried to work out the extra tension I was feeling. Surely if I got it out of my system then I could help things from feeling awkward for myself that night.

Before I knew it the door bell was ringing. I knew I was in trouble when I had to contain myself from running to answer it. I let Carlisle answer it, after all Edward was here to see his father not me.

I put out the first round of food and called the boys in to the games room. I turned around and stood up just as Edward walked into the room. I had always thought myself to have a good memory, but it had done no justice to the memory of Edward Cullen.

His hair, his eyes, that smirk. They were all more glorious than I had remembered. The moment seemed to move in slow motion, my mind not wanting to miss a detail. The black button down shirt he wore was casual with short sleeves that had a cuff. The way he wore his jeans low on his hips should be illegal. I was totally screwed.

"Hi Bella," he came up giving me a hug.

If they could bottle the smell that is Edward Cullen, even the most unattractive man would be able to get laid. I had forgotten the smell of rain on his skin and the lightening of his touch.

"Hi Edward," I replied, proud of myself to string the two words together.

Carlisle came up and slung his arms around each of our shoulders. "I am so glad to have my two favorite people with me this Christmas, I feel so very blessed." His words full of emotion.

Edwards and my eyes met before looking away guiltily, could it be that he knows of my attraction.

The evening fell into a surprisingly relaxed atmosphere. We shot some pool; Edward was surprisingly good and almost won one of the games. I could tell it was bothering him that he couldn't beat me. He looked so cute pinching the bridge of his nose. I have a feeling that Edward Cullen is the best at whatever he does. It appears that it doesn't include pool, though.

Seeing the two of them bent over the pool table all night was nullifying my preemptive measures. All the sex in the world with Carlisle couldn't help anyone resist the temptation that is the Cullen men bent over.

"What did I tell you?" Carlisle said.

"You were right, the girl can play," Edward said.

"Sorry boys, it's just not your night," I said bragging.

I could tell that I was in trouble when I saw them exchange a quick look. The identical looks of mischief on their faces were eerie. I took off running only to catch the throw rug on the floor toppling into the hardwood. The air was knocked out of me and I'm pretty sure I saw stars.

Edward was over me in a flash asking me if I was okay. His face was a mask of concern before I saw a flash in his eyes and he stepped out of the way allowing Carlisle to get to me.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I said feeling my pride was the worst casualty.

Carlisle pulled out a small flashlight from his pocket and shone it in my eyes. I tried to bat his hand out of the way but he grabbed it before I could.

"Just checking to make sure you don't have a concussion," Carlisle was in full doctor mode now.

I rolled my eyes at him and pulled myself into a sitting position. Carlisle leaned in to give me a kiss and my eyes shot to Edward. The crease between his brows was back as Carlisle's lips touched mine, but his eyes never left mine. It felt wrong to look at Edward while I was kissing Carlisle but I had to admit, it was exhilarating.

An hour later we were all laid out on the couches holding our full bellies and watching The Grinch. We decided to call it an early night and headed up to bed. Carlisle stayed downstairs turning off the lights as Edward and I headed upstairs to our respective rooms.

"Sleep well, Bella," Edward whispered turning into his room.

"Good night," I replied as his door shut.

I stared at his door for a moment before walking away. My body ached the farther away I got from him. I knew then I was in big trouble.

Carlisle came up a few minutes later and met me in our bathroom. His arms wrapped around me but they weren't comforting to me as they usually were. He kissed my neck and nuzzled into the crook on my shoulder.

I caught his eyes in the mirror and they were bright. This night had meant so much to him and I had spent part of it fantasizing about Edward. I looked away feeling suddenly guilty. Carlisle spun me around and raised my chin with his strong hand. When my eyes met his he closed the gap and kissed me.

The kiss was full of all of the love he felt for me and it made me feel sick. For the second time that day I used my husband to forget about Edward.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N- Okay everyone, here it is. The longest chapter yet. **

**Twilight is not mine, no copyright infringement is intended. **

**This chapter is where I earn my 'M' rating. If you would get in trouble for reading something rated 'M' then don't read it. Also, it might not be the best chapter to read at school/work. Don't say I didn't warn you. **

Chapter 15

The next morning I woke up early as I always do on Christmas morning. The excitement of it all still affected me like it did when I was a kid. I headed down to the kitchen and started the coffee pot. I was still full from the night before but I decided to make pancakes anyways. Christmas is a time for eating.

I squeezed some fresh orange juice and filled a jug for the table. I poured myself a cup of the fresh coffee and turned to sit at the table.

Edward was standing there in a pair of black pajama pants and a fitted grey t-shirt with his hair sticking up in all directions, he still looked desirable.

"Good morning, you're up early," I said grabbing another cup for him. "Coffee?"

"Sure," he said taking a seat at the table, "as for the hour, I always get up early on Christmas. Why are you up so early?"

"Same reason, half the fun of Christmas is getting up early. It's fun, but I do miss the stockings from Santa," I said with a smile.

"You don't do stockings?" he asked.

"No, Carlisle said it seems silly with just the two of us."

"Yeah, I suppose he is done with that phase of his life," Edward's voice seemed a little disappointed.

We were quiet for a few moments enjoying our coffee.

"Maybe we could each open a gift from each other then," he suggested with his right eyebrow quirked.

I didn't answer him with words I just jumped up and ran towards the tree squealing. I dug into the presents under the tree looking for the right one to give to him. I pulled out the small package and handed it to him. He did the same.

"You first," I said vibrating with excitement. Giving really was my favorite part of the season.

As Edward tore at the paper of the present I started to feel anxious. Maybe he was like his father; maybe he would think my gift was silly. Edward pulled the CD out of the packaging and studied it.

"It's all my favorite classical songs. I saw that you had a lot on your iPod and I thought…."

"It's perfect, I can't believe how many you found that I don't have," he said softly smiling at me, "now you."

I pulled off the paper and pulled out the book. It was a book that I had wanted to read. I wondered how he knew.

"It's my favorite book right now. I thought you might like it." Edward sounded as bashful about his gift as I did about mine a few minutes ago.

"I love it," I told him honestly, causing a smile to spring onto his face.

Our eyes locked and we shared a moment. It was honestly the best gifting experience I had had in a while. I felt my breathing pick up as his stare became more intense.

"What are you two doing?" Carlisle's stern voice came bellowing from the stairs.

I stood up immediately turning to face my husband.

"You didn't wait for me?" he asked in a more playful tone than his last comment.

"Just one," I said pulling him to me using my wiles to gain forgiveness.

"Well do I get one?" he asked.

I turned back around towards the tree. Edward was turned around no longer facing us. His body language seemed defeated for someone who seemed happy a moment ago. I sat Carlisle down and headed into the other room pulling out the golf clubs I bought him. I had placed a giant bow on the bag as there was no way I was attempting to wrap them.

"Merry Christmas," I said propping them up beside him.

"Thank you dear, I love them," Carlisle said standing up off the sofa to give me a hug.

Carlisle reached under the tree and pulled out a gift for me. I took a deep breath and opened the gift. Inside was a pair of diamond earrings.

"Thank you, they are beautiful," I said twirling a piece of my hair in my fingers. I caught Edward looking at me from the corner of his eye.

We decided to take a short break to have some breakfast. I had mixed up the pancake batter but never got around to making them. Carlisle headed off into the kitchen and Edward grabbed my arm to hold me back. The familiar fire where he touched me made me weak in the knees.

"Why didn't you tell him?" Edward asked.

"Tell him what?"

"That those earrings are not your style."

"What are you talking about, they are stunning," I said.

"Bullshit, you are twirling your hair again. You do it every time you are nervous or lying."

I dropped the piece of hair I was unconsciously holding and glared a little. What did it matter to him? He gave me a look that apparently was made of truth serum.

"He likes buying me nice things, it makes him feel like he is treating me right," I said defeated.

"But what about the things that make _you_ feel like you're treated right?"

"Don't worry Edward, he does those things too," I said with a slight sigh.

The rest of the morning went by quickly. Edward laughed at the 'Scranton' t-shirt I bought him. I only realized why he laughed so hard when I opened an identical one in a girl's style. Carlisle seemed amused by the golf cozies I knit for his clubs; I think he was thankful I didn't turn them into animals.

By mid afternoon I had the turkey well on its way. We headed to the games room to play some more pool. We were about halfway through a game when Carlisle cell phone went off. He left the room to answer it and immediately the tension filled the air. It had been this way all day. The tension between Edward and I was growing and I wasn't sure how to make the energy go away.

Edward's eyes met mine and I had a hard time looking away. His gaze intense and wanting.

"So I stopped by to see my Dad the other day. I thought you said he didn't have any female employees," Edward asked going right for the jugular.

"Well actually, the other doctor hired her. She is his assistant," I replied trying not to relive my guilt over the situation.

"If you say so," he replied rather flippantly.

Just then Carlisle came back into the room.

"I just got an emergency call from a patient. I need to go meet her at the hospital. I'm probably going to be four or five hours at least. I'm sorry," he said.

"No problem," Edward answered smiling, "I just spotted Singstar so I think we will be just fine."

Carlisle smiled in appreciation and gave me a quick kiss before heading out.

"So you are a Singstar fan? I never would have guessed," I said thankful to have something to do with Edward that would keep my mind off his….well everything.

We both got dressed and then we played a couple rounds and Edward royally beat me. Of course a beautiful voice would complete the beautiful package. It wasn't helping me keep my mind clean.

We shut the TV off and suddenly I was feeling very self conscious.

"Bella, I'm sorry if I inferred anything earlier. If you trust my Dad, I don't want to say anything to make you question that." He seemed sincere.

"It's okay, really," I replied.

"No, it's not. I said it for my own personal gain and it's not fair."

Our eyes met again and I stood up and went over to the pool table to put some space between us.

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable Bella, but I need to tell you something."

My heart beat so loudly in my chest I was sure it was trying to get out. My heart wanted to know what he had to say but my mind wanted him to stop. My heart won.

"I can't stop thinking about you. I know it's wrong. I know you are married to my Father but everything about you draws me in. You are the most beautiful woman that I have ever met, Bella Cullen."

I liked the way he said my name, almost like the Cullen attached me to him and not Carlisle. I stood there and stared at him. My throat was dry, my face flushed. I wished that this was a dream, so that I could say what I wanted back. I would tell him that all I could think about was him since our camping trip, that I wished that I had met him before his father so that I would not be in this position.

I stood there saying nothing with my mouth but pleading with my eyes. He must have saw something to encourage him because he closed the gap between us, putting his body agonizingly close to mine without touching. He leaned his face in so that his lips were almost touching my ear and whispered to me.

"I think about him touching you and it makes me sick. I want to be the one making you cry out." My heart beat faster. "Tell me no," he said.

I froze, pulling back slightly to see his eyes. The feel of his warm breath hitting my skin caused a fire to spread through my body. I closed my eyes and felt his lips brush softly across mine.

When his lips pulled away my body cried out…not like it did for my husband but like I was drowning and he was my air. But it didn't cry out for long because his lips returned, still gentle but needy.

"I like the strawberry better," he said sniffing along under my ear.

I wanted this. I hated myself for wanting this. As his lips teased mine, my mind raced. If I was going to make this colossal mistake I was going to do it right. As long as I am going to hell…

My hands reached up and grabbed a hold of his shirt pulling his body against mine. I smashed my lips into his unable to stop the momentum of the moment.

I became hyper-aware of our bodies. My bottom pushed up against the pool table. His thigh between my legs torturing me with just the right amount of pressure. His hands cupped on my face holding me like a precious thing. But I wasn't precious, I was dirty and bad and that was the way I wanted to be treated.

I wrapped my arms around his body and scratched at his back, he continued with his gentle assault. I reached up and grabbed a hold of that fantastic mop of hair and pulled roughly eliciting a growl out of him. The sound only spurred me on. I wanted to hear it again. I wanted him to make me growl too.

My force finally seemed to have the desired effect. Edward pushed his body harder into mine. The slight pain of where the pool table was pressing into my ass only heightened the pleasure I felt.

Edward's hands were strong and sure as he undid the buttons of my blouse. I would have said a silent prayer for my choice of matching lace underwear but I'm pretty sure God didn't want to hear from me at this moment.

Once free from the confines of my shirt Edward took a small step back, his eyes wild with lust as he scanned over my torso.

"So fucking hot," he said under his breath.

The huskiness of his voice caused a small moan to escape my lips. I had always been treated like a lady in the bedroom and the cussing was turning me on more than I would have expected. Edward's face lit up with desire as he came back at me. His kisses were more insistent, adding tongue to the cocktail. My head threw back in pleasure as his kisses started to trail down my neck stopping at the top of my breasts. His hands reached around and undid my bra. I unceremoniously threw it off to the side.

The feeling of Edward's tongue in my mouth was nothing compare to his tongue on my breasts. His wet kisses made my entire body blush with excitement. I had never felt so alive.

He came back up my body, kissing all along the way. Once he was standing up again I fumbled to get his shirt off. He was patient with me, continuing to kiss my neck as I worked on his buttons. Once I had them off I slid his shirt down off his chest. It was more glorious than I had imagined when I had seen his shadow through the tent.

I let my nails trail down his chest, applying just enough pressure to make him hiss. Our bodies seemed to be protesting the distance between them as we slammed back together in another frenzy of kisses.

His hands trailed up my short black skirt leaving goose bumps in their wake. His hands crept around and grabbed my ass lifting me up so that I was sitting on the table. This put me at the perfect height for him to press his dick into my core.

I grabbed the waistband of his pants, pulling him impossibly closer. My fingers were quick with the button and zipper. Edward did the rest of the work for me, shedding his jeans quickly.

At no time during this did I ever have one ounce of desire to stop. Edward was my drug and I needed more.

I glanced down at Edward now free of his pants. His raging erection straining through his grey boxer briefs. I licked my lips and Edward growled again.

Edward reached up my skirt and shoved my underwear aside pushing a single finger into my eager body.

"So wet for me," he cooed.

The sound of his honey voice made more liquid flow from me. His one finger slid in and out painfully slow, teasing me. I wasn't having any of that. I grabbed his cock through his underwear and gave it a squeeze. Edwards's eyes widened and then they focused on me with determination. Edward immediately added two fingers to his ministrations.

I threw my head back as he plunged his fingers in and out of my body roughly. I was in heaven as I felt my body start to convulse. I came hard moaning Edward's name.

I leaned back on the pool table to catch my breath. When I looked up Edward had shed his underwear and was standing there in all his glory. He was beautiful, long and thick and hard for me.

I lifted my hips so that he could slide my panties off. I positioned my body close to the end of the table waiting for him to take me. He looked up in my eyes for a moment before he plunged in.

Edward slamming in and out of my body was more sensation than I have ever experienced. It was like rainbows and fireworks and a Ghirardelli sundae. Our bodies rocked together, fitting like they were made for each other.

I felt another orgasm coming when Edward grabbed my hips and lifted them slightly causing him to hit a spot I had never experienced. I may have blacked out a moment there as I was experiencing my very first G-spot orgasm. Fluid ripped through my body as I came like I never knew was possible.

Not even knowing how I did it, I continued to move my hips with Edward wanting him to feel this way with me. A few more pumps and his body tensed as I felt him release into me.

Edward laid his head against my chest, both of our breaths ragged.

When he finally pulled back he looked up at me almost apologetically, like he had no choice over what he just did. I knew how he felt. Suddenly the expression left his face leaving him looking rather harsh.

"I gotta go," he said pulling out of me quickly and exiting the room.

My arms instinctively wrapped themselves around my body as my legs gave out leaving me a ball of hysterics on the floor. The tiny thought in the back of my mind that had doubted Edward's attraction for me came barreling forward.

_Edward fucked me to get back at his father. _

I stayed kneeling on the floor for what felt like forever. I heard a rustling by the entrance of the room. I forced myself to look up. Edward stood in the doorway with his duffle bag over his shoulder. His face looked almost angry.

"Tell my Dad I had to go." And with that he left.

I couldn't take in the rejection. My mind went on auto pilot. I started cleaning the room when I looked down and noticed the stain on the pool table, proof of my infidelity on my husband's favorite thing in the whole house.

Apparently it takes God little to no time to smite your ass when you do something this stupid.

I grabbed some rags and started trying to get the stain out. I was almost glad for the distraction until I noticed that it wasn't coming out. I started to panic. I noticed a half empty glass of wine sitting on the coffee table and without thinking too long I dumped it onto the table to cover the stain.

Carlisle was going to be pissed but at least it would hold him off until I could figure out what I was going to do. Edward left. Edward gave me the best sex of my life and then left. Why wouldn't he stay? If he wanted to get back at Carlisle, why wouldn't he stay to rub it in?

I stood there staring at the now red stain on the pool table. It looked like blood. I almost wished it was mine. If Edward was going to ravage me and then tear me apart I wish he would have done it literally. A small tuft of lace caught my attention out of the corner of my eye. I picked up my panties and hid them in the trash, I knew I could never wear them again.

It was past midnight when I finally decided to try and get to bed. Carlisle had called and said that he would be home soon. It was clear that if Edward was going to tell him, he hadn't yet.

I lay in my bed but every time I closed my eyes I would have flashes of Edward. His hands. His skin on mine. The way he growled when he said my name. But then the thoughts trailed to other things, they way he joked with my and the way his eyes lit up when I would tell him a new piece of information about me. He seemed genuinely interested in me and I fell for it. The problem is in the process of him luring me for his own devices, I started caring for him.

The raw energy between us was one thing but the tenderness there in our friendship was precious to me, and I wrecked it. Or he wrecked it, I'm not sure anymore.

I didn't hear Carlisle arrive home but I felt the bed indent next to me. His strong arms pulled me in to snuggle him.

"Are you awake?" he whispered.

I tried feigning sleep, but I was a horrible liar and an even worse actress. Carlisle started his assault. Normally it didn't take much for me to respond but with my body already on high alert, my nipples puckered and head tossed back.

"Oh, you are awake," he said sliding his hand down to my core. "And ready for me!" he cooed.

With my eyes close and the similarities in Carlisle's and Edward's voice I could almost pretend. I made love with my husband and it was the worst sex of my life, because I enjoyed it, because it might have been the last time I got to, and I suddenly felt like a whore.

**End A/N- Hey guys, that was my first full blown Lemon. I wanted it to be raw and way more descriptive than the scenes with Carlisle. Let me know how I did. Did is sizzle or fizzle for you?**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N- Hey everyone, I am not feeling this chapter, but I have moved it around and played with it all I'm going to. I hope you enjoy it, it's a transition chapter. **

**If you are looking for good reads I found a blog that gives pretty good recommendations, I haven't been disappointed in anything I found on there yet.**

** .com**

**Twilight is not mine.**

Chapter 16

The day after Christmas I had woke to Carlisle shaking me awake.

"What the hell happened to my pool table?" he said angrily.

I opened my eyes with a start. The immediate panic that he found out what happened hit me, it wasn't until his words registered that I felt my body relax.

"Sorry, Edward and I were playing pool and I knocked my wine over." I was surprised how easily my lie came out considering my ineptitude at lying.

"Bella, you know the rules about drinks at the pool table," he sighed exasperated.

I couldn't help it, tears started leaking out. He was so angry about this, how would he feel when he knew the truth.

"I'm sorry," I sobbed again.

Carlisle pulled me into his arms and cursed under his breath.

"It's okay. I'll call a cleaning service," he said soothingly.

I waited for my husband to fall asleep before creeping out of the bed and into the spare room. It had been like this for the last week. I was too scared of what I might say in my sleep while in bed with Carlisle to chance sleeping next to him. I set the alarm clock so that I would make it back to him before he knew I was gone.

I crawled into the spare bed. It still smelled like him. I had washed the sheets, but the comforter still held his scent. Teasing me. Torturing me. The thing is, when I had sex with Edward I thought I had done it out of lust, but when it was over I knew I was lying to myself. It was love.

I lay in bed and pondered how I could be in this spot. I had been married for such a short time. To a man I undoubtedly loved and pledged my life to. How could I cheat on him? With his son! The tears started as they always did. My body shook in silent convulsions, careful not to make noise as to wake Carlisle.

The problem was not that I didn't love Carlisle, the problem was that I loved Edward more. Even after knowing him for such a short time I felt connected to him in a way that I had never felt before. I tried to call him, to e-mail him but he wouldn't respond. I had no idea whether or not he would tell Carlisle. I knew I had to. He deserved better than this, better than me. But I was too scared to tell him. So every day I sat around in fear waiting for my house of cards to fall.

New years was a painful experience, Carlisle had hoped Edward would come back and spend it with us but he declined, citing homework as the reason but I knew better. I spent the evening in the bathroom crying, pretending I had food poisoning. I knew it was better not to see him again, but it hurt when I realized that I wouldn't.

Carlisle didn't even seem to care that I wasn't with him that night as I think he was still pretty mad about the pool table. The cleaner was pretty sure we would have to get the table recovered which was going to cost more than expected. I couldn't image how much angrier he would be if he knew what kind of stain was under the wine.

The alarm went off and I snuck back into my own bed. Carlisle's body rolled towards mine and his arms found my body in his slumber. The intimacy of it made me want to cry again. I didn't. I kept the crying for night times. I lay in his arms for an hour waiting for him to wake. When I felt him stir I closed my eyes and pretended to rest.

"MMMM, morning," Carlisle said giving me a kiss.

"Morning," I responded in a sleepy tone to match his.

He slipped out of bed and headed to the shower. Once he was behind the door I got out of bed. I rubbed my eyes. I was so tired from the lack of a full night sleep that my balance was even worse than usual. I tripped over a belt left on the floor tumbling myself into the dresser. I knocked over a picture frame. I reached to prop it back up and noticed it was a picture of Carlisle and Edward. They had taken it when Carlisle went to meet Edward on campus one of the first days. Their body language was stiff but both of them had hope in their eyes. I had spent so little time in our room since Christmas, I had forgotten about it.

My heart pounded as I looked at the picture with the two men I loved most in the world. The pain in my chest returned full force. The one that wanted me was the one I didn't deserve, and the one that didn't want me was the one I wanted most.

I put the picture back down and sat back down on the bed, waiting for my turn in the shower. Carlisle came out a few minutes later with a towel hung low on his hips. I refused to give myself permission to look, it only made me feel worse when I did.

"What's your plans for lunch today? Maybe we could have lunch together," he asked me while he dressed.

"It's the gang's day for lunch," I said.

"That's too bad. It feels like we haven't spent much time together lately."

He was right. Even though we had inhabited the same house over the holidays, I had been keeping my distance. Reading in another room, or turning the TV on as a distraction when we were together. My hopes that he hadn't noticed were apparently a little too hopeful.

"How about we spend the day together tomorrow?" Even as the words came out of my mouth I knew they were a bad idea. How was I going to face him for a whole day with my guilt?

"I'd like that," he said smiling.

He gave me a quick kiss on the forehead and I headed into the bathroom to shower.

The morning past by quickly and before I knew it I was heading to our usual spot for lunch. The restaurant had seen the likes of many conversations between the five of us. I had told these people in my life virtually everything and now I was holding onto a secret that I couldn't let any of them know, at least not yet.

James was already seated when I arrived. I approached the table cautiously. James could detect news from a mile wide radius.

"Hey," I said pulling up a seat.

"Hey Bella," he replied, "How are you?"

"Good," I lied, "how was your Christmas?"

"Good," he blushed.

"What?" I hedged.

"Victoria bought me a swing."

"What like a tire swing?" I asked. His face turned impossibly redder.

"OH, THAT kind of swing," I laughed.

"Who got a swing?" Alice chirped bounding up to the table.

"James did, a sexy one!" I smiled at him as he scowled. He looked miffed but I could tell he was loving it.

"So Alice, what did Jasper buy you?" James asked trying to take the heat off him.

Alice picked the locket up off her neck and held it out for us to see. It was a beautiful silver locket with a simple pattern etched on the front. She opened it to reveal a picture of her on one side and a picture of Jasper on the other.

"Wow, that looks like a serious piece of jewelry," I said.

"Yup, looks like doctors like to give pretty things. Only I'm the kind of girl to appreciate it."

Alice's slam was supposed to be good hearted but it only made me feel guilty. I didn't appreciate the things Carlisle bought for me. He had been nothing but good to me and I betrayed him.

"What did we miss?" Emmett's voice came booming over the table as him and Jacob arrived.

Emmett sat beside Alice and Jacob took the last remaining chair next to me.

"Alice was just telling us how she _appreciated_ Jasper's gift," James said taking the opportunity to embarrass Alice back.

"Oh believe me, he felt very appreciated once I was done with him," she replied, not being one to embarrass easily.

The conversation went on and my friends all talked about their holidays. I tried to stay out of the conversation mostly, unsure of how to answer certain questions.

"So Bella, how was Christmas with the step-son?" Emmett asked.

"Fine," I said.

"That's it? No stories?" Emmett pushed.

"Nope, everything was fine," I said looking down.

It was obviously a big lie. Everything wasn't fine, everything was earth shattering and fantastic. And because it was nothing would ever be fine again.

Luckily for me everyone seemed to drop the subject and continued on with lunch. After a few minutes I stood up.

"Hey guys, I'm really swamped at the office right now, so I'm going to head out."

"I'll walk you out," Jacob said jumping up as I put my money on the table.

We headed out and he walked me to my car without saying a word.

"Are you okay Bells," he asked.

"Sure," I said.

"Look, I know you're lying but if you don't want to talk about it I won't make you. Just know that if you want to talk, then I'm here."

I gave him a hug and thanked him. Jacob was really a great friend. I promised myself that I would use his shoulder to cry on when the time came. Because I was sure now that it would.

I drove around after work, just taking time to think. While I didn't want to lose Carlisle, I knew now that he was no longer mine to keep. I had broken that hold and there was nothing I could do to get it back. I would tell him. Not everything, but enough to make him let me go. I needed some courage before I could do it.

I pulled up to the small town house. It was comically small for the large friend of mine that lived there. I sat parked on the street for a long time, looking for the words.

I got out of the car and headed to the door. I hoped that his roommates would be out. The last thing I needed was to have this talk with other ears around. I rang the bell and then pushed my hands through my hair giving them something to do.

The door opened and my friend stared back at me through the screen door.

"Bells?"

"Hey Jake, can I come in?" I asked.

He opened the screen door and I walked in. The small room was overcrowded with large furniture. There was a two couches and three overstuffed chairs all surrounding the smallest coffee table you have ever seen.

I sat down on the couch hoping that Jake would sit next to me; I was going to need a comforting touch. Jake did indeed set down on the couch with me and I was thankful.

Neither of us spoke for a long time. He was giving me the time I needed to find the right words. I thought about how much harder it was going to be to tell Carlisle, and a tear escaped.

"Is this about Edward?" Jake asked.

My eyes shot up to him, I wondered how he knew. If I was that obvious how could Carlisle not already know?

"Yeah," I responded.

"What happened Bells?" he asked his voice filled with sympathy.

"I slept with him, Jake. What kind of person sleeps with her husband's son, on the fucking pool table!" my anger at myself took over my words and both Jake and I seemed shocked by it.

"Do you love him?" Jake asked.

"No. Yes. I don't know. Does it matter? I don't deserve either one now."

"Did you tell Carlisle?"

"No, but I'm going to. I thought maybe I would draft up the divorce papers first, so that things would be easy for him," I said losing my fight.

Jake's arms were around me before I realized that I was collapsing. He caught my weight just before I slid off the couch. He held me as my body shook with grief. I was crying for my marriage and I was crying at never seeing Edward again. I would cry all my tears now; it wouldn't be fair to cry to Carlisle. I would be the bad guy for him, so that he could heal.

First thing Monday morning I made an appointment to see a divorce lawyer. I had them draw up the papers so that all Carlisle would need to do is sign them. After the paper work was done, it would take ninety days and then I would be divorced. All things considered, I was pretty calm.

It took a few days to get the paperwork back to me, but it was a pretty clear case. I didn't want anything from Carlisle, his money meant nothing to me.

By Thursday I had the papers in my hand. I sat waiting on our couch for Carlisle to come home. My body stiff with shock. I was beyond feeling emotions, I felt like a robot. Not human. Not real. Not worthy.

The sound of the key in the lock sent my body into panic, but I forced the feeling down and stayed where I was. Carlisle walked in with a smile on his face. It dropped off as soon as he saw me.

"What's wrong?" he asked coming to sit by me. He made a move to hug me but I flinched and backed away.

"Bella?" his voice sounding strained.

"There is something I need to tell you," I started.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N- Twilight is not mine. **

**Hey everyone, thanks for the love for the last chapter. I am the best (wo)man for my brother's wedding this weekend and it is out of town so this is probably the last chapter you will see for a week. I will take my notepad with me when I go but I most likely won't have much time to write. **

**Please review.**

Chapter 17

Carlisle's body was stiff, he knew he wasn't going to like what I was about to say but he wanted to give me the benefit of the doubt. I took the moment to study his face to remember it in happiness and in pleasure. I would never see it that way again.

"I want you to know that I do love you," I said.

"Bella, you are scaring me, what is it? Are you sick?" his voice climbing toward frantic.

"No. I'm not sick," I snorted, "I met someone, and I wasn't planning on it but…."

"What are you saying?" His face starting to scrunch in anger.

"I'm sorry," I said handing the papers to him.

"What is this?" He opened the envelope carefully. "You want a divorce? You love this guy?"

"Yes," I practically whispered.

"How long have you been seeing him, Bella? After everything you know I have been through, how long have you been fucking another guy?" He was shouting now. Anger was a better pain to take than sadness.

"It just happened the once," I said truthfully.

"Who is it Bella? Is it that Mike guy from your work?"

I threw up in my mouth a little at that comment.

"No, god it's not Mike," I said, "It doesn't matter who."

"You want to throw away our whole marriage on a one time fuck and you think it doesn't matter who?" he screamed.

"I'm sorry," I said again, "I won't ask anything of you again. Just sign the papers and I'll be out of your life. It will be like I never existed. I never meant to hurt you."

With that I stood up and took the small suitcase I had packed and left by the door and walked out. Carlisle didn't move.

I drove for about two blocks before I had to pull over. I could no longer see the road with all the tears pouring out of my eyes. By the time the sobs subsided my body was sore from the convulsing.

I pulled up at Alice's apartment building. I hit the buzzer and waited for her voice.

"Hello?" her sing song voice came scratching through the old speaker.

"It's Bella," I replied.

The buzz alerted me to the door unlocking and I walked in and headed for the stairs. After walking up the one flight of stairs I headed for her apartment. The door was opened by the time I got there and Alice was singing cheerily in the kitchen.

"I'm in here," Alice called from around the corner.

I put my suitcase down by the front door, glad that she hadn't seen it yet and made my way into the kitchen. I stood there in her kitchen not saying anything as she finished unloading her dishwasher. She closed it up and then wiped her hands on a towel.

"So what do I owe the pleasure…" Alice looked up at me then and then dropped the towel on the floor. "What's wrong?"

I stood there fighting back the tears. I wanted to be done crying. Alice led me into the living room and we settled on the couch. I told her the whole story about Edward and I right up until the conversation with Carlisle that night. By the end Alice was crying harder than I was, promising me a place to stay for as long as I needed it.

That night and the ones following it were filled with nightmares. I would wake up sweating and crying and feeling more alone than ever.

Two weeks passed by in a blur. I felt like a zombie. Hell, I was even starting to look the part.

"Bella, the gang is all heading out to the bar tonight. I think you should come," Alice asked.

I looked up at her from my place on the couch. My legs were hugged into my body and my sweats had not seen a laundry machine for weeks. I raised my eyebrow at her and then looked back at the TV.

"Bella, please," Alice begged, "everyone misses you and you need leave the apartment."

"I leave the apartment," my tone more snarky than I meant it to be.

"Work doesn't count," she chastised, "come on, hop in the shower and I'll do your hair for you."

I could tell already that this was not an argument that I was going to win. I slid off the couch and made my way over to the bathroom. I closed the door and took a look at myself in the mirror.

My eyes were sunken in and dark circles encompassed them. My pale skin had taken on a sickly blue tint and my hair lay stringy on my shoulders. I took a deep breath and sighed. I turned on the shower and set the temperature.

"Don't forget to shave," Alice yelled at me through the door. I grunted in response.

I pulled the shower curtain closed and got to work. As I washed my hair I thought about Carlisle. He hadn't contacted me since I had left our home and I missed him. He had been in my entire adult life up until this point and it felt empty without him. I was surprised at the realization I had made the day before that I missed his company on a platonic level more than on a romantic level. The majority of the hurt I felt was for disappointing him. Whenever I thought of sexual intimacy it was Edward's face I pictured. A few people had told me when I married Carlisle that I just had daddy issues and that I was looking for a more present father figure. It stung to think that they might have been right.

I rinsed the soap off my body and shaved my legs. I wasn't sure why I bothered; no one would be touching said legs this evening. I shut off the taps and stepped out wrapping the large pink towel around my body. Only Alice could find hot pink towels. Only Alice would _want_ to find hot pink towels.

I ran a comb through my hair not wanting to be subjected to Alice's 'grit your teeth and pull' method. The steam followed me out the door to an impatient looking pixie.

"Come sit," she barked, "I'll do your hair."

I sat down at the table and she pulled out the round brush and blow dryer. The phone rang and I reached across the table and grabbed the portable.

"Hello."

"Hello, may I speak with Bella Cullen please," the voice asked.

"This is," I replied.

"Hi Ms. Cullen, this is Bree from BlackWolf Associates. I have been asked to call you and inform you that Dr. Cullen has signed the papers. There will be a 90 day period for processing. Your divorce will be finalized on April 16th as long as there are no problems with the paperwork. You will receive the confirmation papers by fed-ex on that day."

"Uhm okay," I said not knowing what else to say.

"Have a good evening Ms Cullen."

"Thank you," I said hanging up the phone.

I sat and waited for the tears to fall but they never came.

"Who was that?" Alice asked.

"That was my lawyer's office. Carlisle signed the papers," I said monotone.

"Shit," Alice said wrapping her arms around me from behind and giving me a hug, "You don't have to come tonight if you don't want to."

"Thanks Alice, but I think maybe I will. I could use a drink….or twenty," I said honestly.

Alice left me to pick out my own clothes for the evening. She knew I would need my armor to make it through the night. I pulled on my favorite pair of jeans and added a fitted white t-shirt. I grabbed my faithful black hoodie and my running shoes and met Alice by the door.

"You ready?" She asked softly.

"As I'll ever be."

We were the last ones to arrive at the bar. Emmett spotted us as we walked in and knocked at least two people down in his mad rush to get to us.

"BELLS!" he yelled picking me up and spinning me around. I thought he would then put me down but instead he carried me like a rag doll to a table near the back.

Jacob stood up and gave me a hug just as Emmett was putting me down.

"How are you?" he asked.

"Ok, everyone listen up," I said loudly to the table of my friends, "I want no pity tonight, only drinks. If you feel like asking me how I'm doing, buy me a drink instead. If you have any sage advice, forget it and buy me a drink. Got it?"

Within five minutes I had four drinks setting in front of me at the table. I took the shooter first, it was sour and tasted like crap but I knew it would do the trick.

"So Charlie Brown, is the little red-headed girl coming tonight?" I asked James.

"Yeah, she is coming later. She works until midnight," he replied.

I was happy that James and Victoria were doing well together. They seemed like a good match. It was then I had a slight panic attack. Jasper.

I looked over to Alice with a sense of dread on my face.

"Don't worry, he's not coming tonight," she said with a sad smile.

"Because of me?" I asked.

"No, he just had a long day. Carlisle wasn't in the clinic," She looked at me not sure of whether she should have mentioned him.

"Yeah, I guess he was too busy signing divorce papers to make it in," I said making a lame attempt at humor. I felt the pain rise up so I pushed it down with another shooter.

About an hour, two rye and cokes and seven shooters later I was pain free. Even my friends were relaxing more around me or else I was too drunk to notice or care. Emmett had scurried off earlier to dance with some blonde and he hadn't returned. Jake was matching me drink for drink as his preferred method of support. However, his six foot seven frame could handle a lot more than my five foot four one and he was barely tipsy. Victoria had shown up and James and her had been making out in the corner of our booth for twenty minutes now.

"Would you like to dance?" A voice asked from over my left shoulder.

I looked up to see an attractive man looking down at me. He was probably about six feet and had dark hair and blue eyes. He had an all American look about him and was probably working a fake ID to get in here. He was nowhere near as attractive as a Cullen but he wasn't bad.

"Sure," I said, knowing that I must be drunk to agree.

He led me out onto the dance floor and as I leaned in to warn him about my clumsiness I stumbled and fell into him. His arms wrapped around me and he steadied me.

"Easy there, I just asked for a dance. You want to jump me, you'll have to buy me a drink first," he chuckled.

"Well before I buy a man a drink I like to know his name."

"I'm Ben," he said as we started to dance, "and I never accept a drink from a beautiful lady without knowing her name."

"It's Bella," I replied only I'm pretty sure it sounded like 'ish Bellahhh'.

"So Bella, your boyfriend doesn't mind you going out without him?" His lack of subtly was endearing on him.

"I don't have a boyfriend Ben, I have a husband," I replied laughing.

Ben laughed and then he saw something in my face that told him I wasn't joking and his eyes widened.

"Don't worry we are getting a divorce," I slurred.

"Oh, how come," he said clearly uncomfortable with the conversation.

"Cause I fucked his son," I whispered to him putting my index finger over my lips to let him know it was a secret.

Okay so I know that it is rude to leave your dance partner on the floor but looking back I whole heartedly agree with Ben's choice to turn and bolt. I wouldn't have stayed with me either.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N- Hey guys just a short one to keep you going. I have already started the next chapter and I think it'll be a good one. **

**Twilight is still not mine.**

Chapter 18

It is amazing how fast three months can pass when everyday feels like forever. I moved out of Alice's apartment after staying with her a month. She told me that I could stay longer but I felt bad about her keeping Jasper away. It was better for all of us just to have me move on.

Jake was getting sick of living with his rambunctious roommates so he suggested that we find a place together. We found a small house to rent. It was close to both of our jobs and was located on a public transit route.

Jake had been a better friend than I could have asked for. He knew just when to cheer me up and just when to let me wallow. He was easy to live with and surprisingly clean.

I grabbed the mail on the way into the house. The door was unlocked so I knew Jake was home. He never locked the doors when he was home. He told me that he could 'take' any burglar that might try and enter.

"Hey Bells," Jake called out from the other room.

"Hey Jake, what smells so good?" I asked.

Jake and I had been taking turns cooking for each other. He started off only being able to make noodles but he bought a cookbook a couple weeks back and had been improving greatly.

"I dunno, but the picture in the cookbook looked good," he said concentrating on his satay pan.

I peeked my head over Jakes arm and took a look at his masterpiece. It appeared to be some sort of herb chicken and vegetable mix. It looked delicious.

"I got the mail," I said heading over to our kitchen table. It was small and only fit three chairs at it but it worked for us.

"Anything for me?" he asked.

"Let's see…. Your motorcycle magazine came in," I said throwing it on the table, "and that looks like….."

I froze. The envelope from Blackwolf Associates taunted me.

"What is it Bells?" Jacob was now beside me crouched down so that he was at my level.

"Will you open it for me?" I asked sniffling.

"Of course," he said taking it from my hands.

I heard the paper rip but my body was in lockdown. I wasn't sure how long I sat there staring straight ahead, afraid to connect.

I looked over at Jacob, his eyes were teary and his jaw was clenched. My eyes slowly lowered to the paper.

_Dissolution of Marriage _

It was the only line I needed to read. It was official. I was a twenty year old divorcee. The world around me became hazy as the tears fell from my eyes. I felt Jakes large arms wrap around me and cradle me to his chest. We sat like that for hours. He just let me be sad and I was grateful to him that he once again knew what to do.

Jake unwrapped himself from me and stood up. I curled into a fetal position on the couch and snuggled into the warm spot he left. A few minutes later he reappeared.

"Hey Bells, I brought you a glass of water," he said softly.

"Thanks," I croaked as I took the glass and drank it.

"Do you want anything else?" he asked.

"I think I would just like to go to bed, but I don't want to be alone. Will you lay down with me?" I asked him.

"Of course," he replied as he helped me off the couch.

I changed into my pajamas and headed into the bathroom. My face was red and blotchy and my eyes squinted in the bright light. I took a face cloth and held it under the cold water. I pressed it against my face and enjoyed the temporary comfort it provided.

By the time I came out of the bathroom Jake was already in his sweatpants. He never wore a shirt to sleep in. He said he was always so hot that he didn't need one.

He waited for me to crawl into bed and then he slid in beside me. He held out his arms and I slid over and laid my head on his chest. His large body made mine feel small in comparison. I felt safe in his arms and I was thankful for him. I fell asleep to the feel of Jacob running his hands through my hair.

We continued this pattern for a few weeks. Jacob was so wonderful to me; I was starting to wonder how he was still single. Work picked up for me and I was happy to be busy.

Monday morning I walked into the office and felt the tense atmosphere. I looked around trying to figure out what was the cause but no one was talking.

"Ms. Swan, can I see you in my office," Mike's voice called out in a firm tone that made me nervous.

I ran through all of the things that I might have done wrong. I had been less than focused lately but I didn't feel like I had screwed anything up too badly.

"What's up?" I asked Mike hesitantly as I entered his office and closed the door.

"Bella, I thank you for your discretion in the past and I trust you can keep this to yourself as well."

"Of course, what is it," I answered automatically.

"Jessica and I broke up and now she has quit and she is threatening to sue the company for sexual harassment."

"What!" I was shocked. "But she was a very willing participant."

"Yes, well that doesn't change the fact that I was her boss and married at that." His tone was professional.

"So what is it you need me to do?" I asked not sure how this was my problem.

"I have to go meet with the lawyers today and I have someone coming in to interview for Jessica's position. I need you to interview her."

I released the breath I was holding. That wasn't so bad, I could do that.

"Of course," I said as I stood up to leave, "I'm sorry things didn't work out for you."

"Me too," he said quietly.

I arrived back at my desk and an e-mail popped up with the details of the interview. I had never interviewed anyone but I figured it couldn't be too hard. She was coming in at eleven thirty. I was going to meet Jake for lunch at noon so I hoped that it wouldn't take too long.

I spent the morning fielding questions about Jessica and Mike. It seems that the secret wasn't so much of a secret. Jessica had told a few girls and the gossip had spread like wildfire. I ducked my way out of the questions but I felt like putting up a sign on my desk that said 'no comment'.

At eleven fifteen Leah, who was covering the front, came and let me know my interviewee was here. I told her to bring her back to the conference room in five minutes. I grabbed her resume and the notes that Mike had e-mailed me and headed back.

The girl walked in and I stood to shake her hand. She was stunning. She was very tall and her hair was almost the same colour as Edwards'. Her eyes were brown and I thought for a moment that she looked a little like what I would imagine Edward and my child would look like, well in twenty some years. I shook off the thought and focused back on the girl in front of me. I couldn't believe I was still having those thoughts five months since I had seen him.

"Please have a seat, Vanessa," I said motioning towards the chair opposite me.

The interview went quickly; she was more than qualified for the job. I wished that I could just offer it to her on the spot but I had to take it through Mike. I checked my watch and it was ten minutes after twelve so I offered to walk her out.

Jacob was waiting for me at the front. The moment I rounded the corner with Vanessa, his mouth dropped. It wasn't unusual for Jake to have a strong reaction to a woman, however when I looked over at Vanessa she appeared to be having the same reaction to him.

"Come here, I'll introduce you," I said to her.

Her eyes widened a bit with fright and a bit with hope and I pulled her along to meet my friend.

"Hey Jake," I said giving him a quick hug, "This is Vanessa, she is interviewing for a position here. Vanessa, this is Jacob one of my best friends."

"Hi, nice to meet you Vanessa," Jake said pulling out all of his charm.

"Please, call me Nessie," she replied, "It's nice to meet you too."

"Nessie," he said like he was trying it on for size. Then his face lit up, "So Nessie, can I call you?"

I flinched, this was the type of forwardness that always got Jake in trouble. Her face turned a little pink before she reached in her purse and pulled out a card. She wrote her number on the back and handed it to him.

"Why not," she said.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N- Still not mine. **

**Hey everyone I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I did writing it. Let me know what you think. **

**There are some awards coming up, so make sure you head on over and nominate your favorite stories. . **

Chapter 19

Nessie ended up getting the job and Jacob ended up getting the girl. They were perfect for each other and I was truly happy. I was however missing my friend at night times. The bed was so lonely with just me in it.

I headed to the Starbucks across town on Saturday. It had become my routine to spend the afternoon in an area of town that no one knew me. It was getting to the point that people were always telling me that it was time to move on. Even my own Father tried to set me up on a blind date. Traitor.

I ordered my mocha and took a seat in the oversized chairs. I faced the wall. I felt less on display that way. I pulled out my crossword puzzle book when I heard him.

"Bella?"

It had been five months since I heard that voice and yet I would know it anywhere. Edward. I took a deep breath and turned my head slowly. My breath caught when his face came into my vision. He was even more breathtaking than I remembered. He was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt and yet still looked like an angel. The feelings that I had been trying to suppress for the last few months came rushing to the surface. He was perfect, and he would never be mine. He gave me a half smile that nearly made me faint. I realized then he was smirking because I still hadn't responded to him.

"Hi Edward." His name was like the most delicious poison on my tongue.

"Can I sit?" he asked motioning to the empty chair beside me.

"Uh."

"I promise I won't bite," he said with a hint of seduction.

"OK," I responded.

He sat down and ran his hands through his messy hair. His confidence seemed to drop the moment he sat down.

"So how have you been?" he asked.

"OK," I responded.

"Are you going to give me anything more than one word answers?" he asked.

"You left," I said so softly that I was unsure that he could hear me.

"I know. I'm sorry," he said softly back.

"Why?"

It was a question I had asked myself many times over the last few months. As far as I knew he didn't tell Carlisle that it was him who I had slept with. I didn't understand his motivation. Was he disgusted with himself? With me?

"It was just too much," he started, "I wanted you so badly and then I had you and…."

"And it wasn't what you thought it would be," I said finishing his sentence for him.

"No, God no Bella. It was everything I thought it would be. I thought if I could just have you for a moment then that would be enough for me. But it wasn't, and I knew I couldn't have you forever so I panicked and I ran. I'm so sorry Bella. When I found out that you were getting a divorce all I could think of was my guilt. I didn't care about destroying my father's marriage Bella, but I felt horrible about destroying yours. I knew you loved my father and I was horrified at myself for breaking that." His words stung me with hope.

"How is he?" My question hung in the air for a few moments before he answered.

"Him and my Mom are back together," he said sheepishly.

So that was his motivation. To get me to leave Carlisle, to put him through what Esme went through so that they could be together. What a sick bastard. Spouting lines of running because he felt strongly about me. It was bullshit. I looked up at him and he was staring down at his coffee. I chastised myself for still being attracted to him after I knew what he had done.

I grabbed my purse and shoved my crossword puzzle into it.

"I guess you got what you wanted then," I said standing, "Fuck you, Edward Cullen."

I turned and walked towards the door, I heard him shout my name but it only made me walk faster. The tears had sprung free and he didn't deserve to see them.

I arrived home and hoped to find Jake alone. The silence of the house told me I wasn't going to be so lucky. I called Alice and she was over in under an hour.

"Bella, what happened?" Alice asked seconds after coming through the door.

"Edward happened," I stated.

Alice's mouth fell open as her eyes got wide.

"You mean you….again!"

"No. I ran into him at Starbucks. He screwed me so that I would leave Carlisle and him and Esme could get back together."

"He said that!" Alice's tiny voice was filled with venom.

I thought back to the words he had said. They seemed innocent when I played them back in my head but my mind had connected the dots and I was right. Right?

"Well not exactly but…"

"Bella," Alice chastised, "What have I told you about reading between the lines."

"Not to do it," I repeated like a scolded child.

I told Alice the whole story. She sat quietly listening, closing her eyes now and then as if trying to figure things out.

"So he told you that he ran off because he wasn't satisfied with only part of you. It was all or nothing and you turned that into an ulterior motive to get his parents back together?" Alice then reached up and smacked me on the forehead using an open palm.

"What the hell was that for," I asked rubbing the undoubtedly red spot.

"You must really like this guy Bella, because you are only this stupid when you are thinking with your hoo-ha."

Alice left shortly after, I was glad to see her go. I didn't think I could handle anymore verbal or physical abuse for the night. About fifteen minutes after she left there was a knock on the door.

"What did you forget?" I called out as I opened the door.

It wasn't Alice. A pair of angry green eyes stared back at me. I would have been frightened if the sight of him hadn't turned me on so much.

"We need to talk," he said pushing his way into my home.

"Okay, talk," I said.

"I'm not going to apologize about being happy about my parents being back together but it has less to do with them and more to do with the fact that you are no longer taken. Bella, I have wanted you so badly from the first time I saw you waiting to meet me in the living room. I could barely contain myself on the camping trip. You were all I thought about, you are all I think about still."

"We can't be together, Edward."

"Why?" he asked.

"You can't exactly take me home to meet your family, I've already slept with your father which makes me a girl your mother will undoubtedly hate. We could never be a normal couple."

"I don't care," he said.

I looked at him. I knew I was right; things would never work between us. They were doomed before they could even start. But I wanted him and I was selfish.

"Is this what you want?" I asked striding up to him and pulling him down to kiss me.

"Yes," he moaned between kisses.

"This is all it can ever be Edward. It will never go anywhere past what we are doing right now."

I pushed on his body until he was back against the wall. I nipped at his neck while I pushed my hips up against his body.

"You're wrong Bella," he said groaning as I assaulted him.

I grabbed his shirt and pulled him towards the couch, pushing him roughly down on it. I straddled his lap and placed hungry kisses on his neck.

"This is it Edward. Is this what you want?" I reached my hand down and grabbed his erection, punctuating my point.

His eyes darkened as he replied, "let me show you what I want."

It was my turn to moan, he was giving in and I would be able to have him one more time. My head fell back as I encouraged him to take me. Edward stood up, holding onto my body as he carried me towards the bedroom.

"Which one?" he asked when he saw that there were two doors.

"The second one," I said kissing him again.

He laid me down on the bed softly; it was not what I was expecting. I tried to pull him to me but he resisted.

"You said I could show you," he stated.

He slowly pulled off my slippers, kissing each foot as he freed them. He slowly undid my pants and I lifted my hips to allow him to remove them. He continued by kissing my ankle and then my calf, followed by my knee. He repeated this on my other leg. He then took my hands and kissed each finger, each wrist and each elbow.

"What are you doing?" I asked partly frustrated and totally confused.

"I want to worship you Bella. You called the shots last time and it was hot but I want to make love to you now and show you how I feel about you."

I felt a tear slip from my eye. I could see in his face an honest vulnerability.

"Bella? Are you okay?" he asked suddenly concerned.

"Yes Edward. I want you to show me," I replied giving into the moment.

His smile returned and he returned to kissing my body. He lifted my shirt over my head and started peppering kisses on my shoulders, down my sides and over my belly. He then returned to kiss my lips as his hands picked up where his mouth left off.

His hand slid up my stomach and caressed my breast needy yet careful. A soft moan left my throat as he slid down my body again with his kisses. I undid my bra and threw it off as I felt Edward hook his fingers on my knickers and pull them down. His kisses began at the knees this time and worked their way up my thighs.

"Unnnn, Edward," I breathed as his tongue met my core. This was not something that Carlisle had ever been comfortable with and had only tried once. It didn't take me long to realize Edward was a master.

Edward seemed encouraged by my noises as his kisses became more urgent and he added his fingers to the mix.

"Oh, Bella," Edward moaned and the sound of my name on his tongue caused my climax to come.

I laid there panting as I felt the weight of Edward's body leave mine. I looked up panicked hoping that he hadn't left me yet again and I saw him taking off his clothes. I had yet to see him completely naked and it was a glorious sight. He was toned in all the right places without being too muscular. He looked like a predator and he was looking at me like prey.

Edward crawled on top of me and I welcomed him with open arms. He positioned himself at my entrance and then looked into my eyes.

"I love you," he said as he pushed into me.

"I love you too," I said enjoying the feeling of being whole while it lasted.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N- Twilight is still not mine. **

**Hey everyone, just to let you know I posted an outtake. You can go to my profile and read it, it is Carlisle's POV and it is just a short one. (If you add me on Author Alert then you won't miss out on these in the future)**

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**The Indie Twific Awards**** opens up for nominations on 6/16 and remains open until 6/23.**

Chapter 20

I woke the next morning with a large stretch. My dream about Edward had been so vivid I could almost still smell him in my bed. It was only when I heard talking coming from the kitchen did I realize that it hadn't been a dream.

I inched down the hall interested to eavesdrop on the conversation.

"I'm glad to see Bella moving on. She's been through a bunch of crap lately and I was beginning to worry about her." Jacob's tone was friendly.

"Well I like her very much," Edward replied.

"I didn't catch your name, man?" Jake asked.

"Edward."

I flew into the kitchen knowing what was coming next.

"You son of a…." Jakes arm rose to punch as I shouted. "NO JAKE!"

Edward's head turned towards my voice just as Jake threw his punch causing him to only clip the side of Edward's face. I gave a quick shove to get Jake away from him and then settled in between the two.

"Are you okay?" I asked Edward lightly touching his face.

"Bella, are you kidding me with this shit?" Jacob asked fuming.

"Not now," I said sternly, "come with me Edward."

I led him back into my room sitting him down on the bed to check for damage.

"It's okay Bella, I probably deserved it."

"Believe me Edward if there is anyone who deserves to be punched in this whole situation, it's me."

He looked up at me and a small smirk appeared.

"You are amazing," he said.

"Look Edward last night was great," earth-shattering actually, "but this is the kind of reaction we would get from our relationship. You just got your father back in your life and I can't be the one to pull you apart."

"I love my father Bella but he is in my life because of you."

"Edward, I can't," I said trying to hold back my tears, "it's not worth it, you hardly know me."

"I know that we haven't spent a lot of time together but the time we have spent has allowed me to know everything I need to know about you. You are caring and kind and funny and sexy. Everything about you draws me in."

"Where could this possibly go?" I asked him skeptically.

"Can't we just try and then figure that out later?"

His green eyes pleaded with me as he waited for my response. What are the chances that we would work out? Why couldn't we date for a while?

"Okay, but Carlisle and Esme are kept in the dark for now," I stated firmly.

A wide smile crossed over Edward's face as he grabbed me and pulled me closer, kissing me. I kissed him back, forgetting the problems that we would face and just enjoyed the moment.

A knock disturbed our moment.

"Are you okay in there Bells?" Jake called out. Edward shook his head and rolled his eyes.

"Yeah," I called back.

"You better go, I need to do some damage control," I said to Edward.

Edward and I exchanged cell phone numbers and he promised to call me later so that we could schedule our first date. It felt weird to start at the beginning like that when we had already had sex twice.

After Edward left I sat down for the grilling of my life. Jake was less than pleased at me bringing the 'home wrecker' back into my bed.

"He took advantage of you Bella; it resulted in the end of your marriage. He ruined your marriage."

"No Jake, I ruined my marriage," I said haughtily.

"He is your ex-husband's son, how on earth are you going to have a relationship with him?" Jake asked angrily.

"I don't know," I replied quietly, "it makes no sense when he is gone but when he is with me everything just feels right. I want to stay away, I know that there is no way that this can end well and yet as soon as I see him I need him."

"You are the perfect fuck buddy; he'll never have to take you home," Jake said, his voice biting.

"That's harsh Jake," I flinched.

"It's true Bella. He knows he can't have a future with you so it must be about the sex."

"I wish I could explain to you how he makes me feel but you know me Jake. I wouldn't do anything this stupid unless I thought he was worth it."

"I know, I'm sorry," he sighed, "but Bells, you are going to get hurt and I can't be there this time to pick up the pieces. I have Nessie now and I need to be giving that time to her." His tone was loving but his words still stung.

"I know," I said, "This one is all on me."

I had received a phone call later that night from Edward and we had made plans to have dinner on Friday. I offered to cook; I thought it might relax me for the evening. I was a little nervous about it as it was the gang's lunch day and I knew Jake would be letting my secret out of the bag.

Before I knew it, it was Friday. Alice, James and Emmett were waiting in the booth as I sat down. Alice took one look at me and broke out into a huge smile.

"You got laid!" she giggled and clapped her hands. I couldn't have been more mortified if she had tried.

"Did Jake tell you?" I asked angrily.

"Holy crap you had sex with Jake?" Alice screamed.

"No. And keep your voice down," I said shrinking down into the booth.

"So Bella, how does it feel to have people asking about your sex life? Trying to fish out all the juicy details," James chimed in quite pleased with himself.

I suddenly felt very repentant for all the times I had teased poor James.

"So who was it?" Emmett asked leaning in waiting for the details.

"It was Edward," a deep voice spoke from behind me.

The faces of my friends were all locked in the same astounded stare as Jake slid into the booth.

"Thanks a lot," I mumbled toward him.

"Eh," he said shrugging.

"So what does this mean?" Alice said, being the first one to recover.

"I don't know yet. We are having dinner tonight but we are going to take things really slow," I said.

"Bella, I know that I have done a lot of crazy shit in my day," Emmett said, "but that is seriously fucked up."

"I know, I know. But it just feels like a mistake I am willing to make."

"Don't worry, I think everything is going to be just fine," Alice said, "Now let me tell you all what Jasper did last night."

There was a collective groan heard around the table and just like that Alice had pulled the focus from me.

I arrived home that night exhausted, Nessie had been off sick that day and I was stuck doing her job as well as mine. Luckily that meant that Jacob was going to her place with soup and movies to help her feel better so Edward and I would have no disruptions.

I took a quick shower and restyled my hair. I looked at my closet and had a slight panic attack. I thought momentarily of calling Alice but then thought better of it. I put on a pair of white cotton undies and matching bra. It was my way of making sure I kept my clothes on tonight. If Edward and I were going to try and be together I thought it would be best if we toned down our physical relationship for a while. That however, was not a conversation I was looking forward to tonight.

I settled on a short jean skirt and a Billabong t-shirt. It was surfer chic as Alice would say. I was happy that we were staying in and I didn't have to worry about footwear.

I headed to the kitchen and started cooking. I wanted to make something nice but not anything that looked like I was trying too hard. I thought about making Carlisle's favorite dish but then I thought better of it. I settled for grilling up a couple of steaks with baked potatoes and corn on the cob. Everything was on its way when I heard the knock at the door.

My heart picked up and started racing. If this reaction was going to keep getting stronger it wouldn't be long before I could feel him from across town.

I opened the door and my mouth dropped open. Edward was in a pair of jeans that were tight in all the right places and loose everywhere else but what floored me was the Billabong shirt he was wearing. It was the exact same shade of olive green as mine.

"I guess I'm not underdressed," he said smiling. If Helen of Troy launched a thousand ships with her face, Edward could launch a million with his smile.

"Come on in," I said breaking out of my Edward induced trance.

"Thanks," he said, "I brought Root Beer."

I broke out laughing, Root beer was my favorite.

"Sorry, the place ID'd for wine," he said looking ashamed.

"No Edward, don't worry. I'm not a big fan of wine but Root Beer is my favorite," I said smiling at him.

His eyes lit up and the smile returned to his face. I wanted to never see it go away again.

"Why don't you pick something to listen to while I go finish up on dinner," I said pointing towards my Ihome player.

I walked back into the kitchen and checked on the potatoes. I was pulling them out of the oven when I heard 'Sway' by Michael Buble. I felt the currency of his body in the room before I heard him.

"Do you need any help?" his velvet smooth voice made me tingle down to my toes.

"Nope, it will just be a few minutes."

Edward then decided to tempt fate and pull me in for a dance. His right arm looped around my back and the moment he touched me the fire beneath my skin began to burn. His left hand took my right hand as he pulled me close. I looked up at him and he raised an eyebrow as if to ask if I was ready.

"I don't know how to dance like this, you might lose a toe," I said.

"It's easy, just follow me."

Before I knew it I was swaying back and forth to the music. Feeling Edward's hips rock against mine was more sensual than any bar grinding could ever be. He really knew how to dance.

"What is this dance?"

"It's the Rumba," he purred, "it's the dance of intimacy."

"No kidding," I deadpanned. It slipped out before I had a chance to stop it and he chuckled.

The music ended way too quickly and I tore myself from his grasp to finish up cooking. Dinner was comfortable. We talked about Edward's childhood and mine. We had a lot of the same insecurities growing up being only children. And even though Charlie had been a bit neglectful he had still be there. It sucked because I knew that Carlisle would have been a great father to Edward if only he was allowed the chance.

"What's the matter?" Edward asked.

"I was just thinking about Carlisle," I said figuring honesty was the best policy.

"Oh," Edward said suddenly quiet again.

"No, not like that. I just think it's sad that he wasn't there during your childhood. I think he would have been a good father."

"Yeah, me too," Edward responded.

"I think there is something else we need to talk about," I said suddenly unsure of myself.

"Okay."

"I think that we need to take this slow," I said motioning between us, "there is obviously an attraction between us but I don't think I can handle rushing into this thing head first."

"What does that mean Bella? Do you want to date other people?"

"No. I mean, do you? Want to date other people?"

"Nope," his eyes met mine as he let out a breath.

"I meant physically. I just think we should get to know one another a bit better before we sleep together again."

"Bella if that is what you need then it's no problem. I will take as much or as little as you want to give me. But I want you to know, I only want you and I don't like to share." His eyes darkened and my body flushed at the sound of his possessiveness.

I breathed out and relaxed. The hard part was done and now we could just sit and enjoy each other's company. We moved to the couch and Edward massaged my feet as we talked some more. It wasn't long before I started yawning.

"I should go, you looked like you're ready to sleep," Edward said placing my foot down on the floor. My body cried out from the loss of contact.

"Okay," I pouted.

He snickered as he stood up off the couch. I walked him to the door and we stood there staring at each other unsure of the next move.

"Can I kiss you goodnight?" Edward asked sheepishly.

"Of course," I said.

He leaned in as he placed his hands on my face. As soon as his lips touched mine I let out a moan. The electricity between our bodies was intense and I needed it like air. I grabbed me two handfuls of hair and pulled his face tight against mine.

The next thing I knew I was pulling him back towards my bedroom and had lost all rational thought of why we should wait. I guess Edward would be seeing my boring underwear after all.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N- Twilight is not mine, but I have spread my addiction like a disease to all that know me. **

**Enjoy and please review, they really help me get focused.**

Chapter 21

I knew I needed to take a step back from Edward. I had told him that I loved him but I was still hiding behind the words afraid to feel them. I didn't want to feel strongly; it would only result in heartbreak.

I awoke to the sound of humming. It seemed to be in tune with my skin as Edward stroked my arm. I let out a sigh of contentment as I rolled my head over to look at him. I had never seen him fresh out of bed in the morning and it was breathtaking. His coppery mess of hair was impossibly sexier as it screamed of satisfaction. Satisfaction that I provided. His eyes were dark and sleepy as he stared into my eyes.

"Good morning," he said smirking at me.

"I'm not very good at following my own rules am I?"

"I don't mind," he said chuckling.

I buried my head into my pillow. I was all at once ashamed at my lack of control and proud of my ability to take what I wanted.

"Hey," he said prying the pillow from my head, his tone serious, "you don't regret last night do you? I don't want to do anything that you don't want to do."

"That's the problem Edward," saying his name was almost enough to bring me to orgasm, "I wanted it. I always want it with you. I can't help wanting you and it scares me."

"Don't be scared. I feel the same way you do. Your eyes, your lips, oh God Bella your lips, your sexy bed head," he ruffled my hair and I gave him a playful smack, "it all makes me want you. I feel like I need to touch you all the time."

"I'm going to get hurt," I said under my breath. He didn't hear me.

Edward closed the distance between us and kissed my mouth sweetly. I fisted my hands into his hair which was clearly becoming their new home. Edward seemed to be okay with his new habitants as he groaned as soon as they fisted. His hand slid down my side leaving a trail of icy fire. This pattern seemed to be the story of my life, I try to resist Edward Cullen and I manage to end up attached to him in several places.

We didn't make love that morning, I was trying to go back to my 'let's move things slowly plan'. I knew it wouldn't work now but at the very least we didn't have to act like bunnies.

I cooked Edward breakfast while he was in the shower. I made waffles with my secret ingredient. Okay, it's just cinnamon but you would be surprised how it makes a difference.

Edward came out with the towel slung low on his hips. He looked like a statue of a Greek god. I caught myself imagining him in just a fig leaf when he cleared his throat. I snapped my eyes up to his as the heat filled my face. The worst part is I had no idea how long I was gawking at him.

"Are you making eyes at me Miss Swan?" Edward asked, "cause I remember not even a hour ago something about not filling our time together with only sex."

"Then help a girl out and go put on some clothes, Mr. Cullen." As soon as the words left my mouth I was reminded of the frailty of our situation. As much as I liked to think of him as mine when we were in a lover's embrace, because I had chosen another Cullen first, I had no claim on him. I never would.

Edward noticed the quick change in the mood and he came over to me wrapping me into his arms. I felt safe there, and like a coward I would hide in there forever if I could. I grudgingly let go and plastered a fake smile on my face.

"You. Clothes. Now," I said giving him a pat on his firm rear end.

"Okay, okay," he said retreating to the bedroom.

I heard the front door open as Edward was changing.

"Hey Bells, is that waffles I smell?" Jake called out bounding into the kitchen.

"Yes but you can only have some if you be nice."

His eyes narrowed. "He's still here?"

"Please Jake."

Jake came up to me and put his hands on my shoulders. He let out a large sigh.

"I promise I won't hit him again, that's the best I can do."

"Or kick him?" I asked.

"Sure, sure."

"Thank you," I said hugging him.

For the second time that morning Edward cleared his throat. I let go of Jake and looked over to an angry looking Edward. Jake's eyes met his and they were locked in another stare down.

"I don't like you," Jake huffed.

"Yeah I got that impression when you hit me in the face," Edward replied.

"You're not good enough for her," Jake continued.

"I know. That's how I know I am so lucky."

"Okay enough," I said wanting to stop this before it ended up escalating again, "Jake if you want waffles you can sit down at the table and join Edward and me."

"No thanks, I lost my appetite," Jake replied stomping out of the room.

"Sorry," I said turning to Edward.

"Don't be. I wish that we could go to my place but I have a roommate and I get the feeling you're not much of an exhibitionist," he said smirking.

I gave him a playful smack and then we sat down and had our breakfast. Once we had finished cleaning everything up Edward pulled me over to the couch and sat me down.

"Bella, I would like to take you out tonight to meet my friends."

"I don't know Edward, do they know about me?"

"They know I have this girl that I'm crazy for but they don't know our situation," Edward replied, "please?"

"Okay, I guess so," I relented.

The problem was I was still feeling insecure about Edward and I and I wasn't sure how well I was going to hold up under public scrutiny. I still had so many unanswered questions about that night. I decided to be an adult and deal with them right away.

"Edward I think we still need to talk about Christmas," I said nervously, "I need to understand better why you left."

Edward scooted closer to me on the couch and took my hands in his.

"Bella when I asked you to tell me 'no' that night, I meant it. I wanted you to stop me as I was no longer able to stop myself. When I looked into your eyes I saw the other half of my soul and I wanted nothing more than to be connected to you physically as well as emotionally. You were so insistent on making it…uhm energetic, that I was unable to treat you the way I wanted to. Don't get me wrong it was the most passionate wonderful night of my life, but when we finished I felt so much guilt from taking you in that way. It was unfair of me to come in and destroy everything that I thought it would be best if I just left and you could forget about me. I never expected you to leave my father. I thought it would take some time but you would be able to go back to your life and be happy. I didn't know if it was because you felt for me the way I felt for you or if you were just doing what you thought was right.

"When my dad came and told me that you were separating because you cheated I thought maybe you were so mad at me that you told him what had happened. When I found out that you refused to tell him who, I fell in love a little more."

"Edward, I guess it is only fair for me to tell you how I felt. I had such a strong connection with you right away but I never intended on acting on it. I'm not that person. I don't cheat….well I didn't think I did but with you it felt so right. I just sometimes wish we could have talked about it before we acted on it. I don't know if it would have made our relationship any easier now but at least I wouldn't have hurt Carlisle in that way. I feel disgusted with myself when I think of it. I don't blame you Edward. Even though I felt like I broke apart when you left me there that night, I feel as if it was my fault. I was the married one. I should have stopped it."

"We were both to blame, but if it puts you here in my arms I can't bring myself to regret it."

"Me either," I responded honestly. It was a moment that I could let my regret go and I took it. I would always feel guilty about what I did to Carlisle but I could never regret even one moment with Edward.

"Edward?"

"Yes Bella?"

"I need you to kiss me now."

Edward and I existed in our own private bubble. No one really knew about us and the ones that did never really saw us together, with the exception of Jake. So being thrown into a group situation with his friends was a little more than daunting. I felt that we were going to be in a fishbowl all night and I wasn't looking forward to it but I knew this was a crucial step to see if we were really able to function outside our private world.

"Hey Eddie!" A large man that could rival Emmett in size called out over the noise of the pub. This place never carded and so apparently became Edward and company's favorite place to hang out.

"Hey Felix," Edward responded as we approached the table.

I looked around the table and stopped on a familiar face. Her flame red hair was piled up on her head in two pig-tail buns. She wore a black mesh top with a red tank underneath. She looked up at me and I could see that she was trying to place me.

"Hi, Victoria right?" I asked her extending my hand.

"Hi," she responded still not placing me.

"I'm Bella, I think you know my friend James," I said.

A small smile crept up on her face as I could see her recognition hit her. James and I had spent enough time at the Blockbuster where she worked to have made an impression. I could see Edward out of the corner of my eye looking a little astonished at the connection.

"Everyone this is Bella," Edward said motioning to me, "Bella, this is Felix, and apparently you know Victoria, this is Emily and this is my roommate Rosalie."

Emily was the pretty dark haired, dark skinned girl glaring at me and Rosalie was the drop dead gorgeous blond who was looking rather indifferently at me. I immediately felt self conscious. Alice was the only girl I really hung around and while she was pretty she was a definite type. We didn't attract the same guys so it was never an issue. These two girls were every man's type.

Edward pulled out a chair for me and left to get us some drinks.

"So Bella," Emily's tone was snide, "how do you know our Edward?"

The possessive way she phrased her question was not lost on me. I had been here less than five minutes and I was already sure she harbored strong feelings for Edward. I would have felt threatened if it wasn't for the fact I was terror-stricken. I had no idea what Edward had told them about us and I was pretty sure he said it didn't include the truth.

"Uhm, we met through family." It was vague and yet true. I was hoping she would leave it at that. She didn't.

"How do you mean?" her voice was really grating on me now.

"Who cares Emily. They met, they're dating, end of story," Rosalie chimed in.

I knew that she thought I wasn't worth talking to, but at that moment I was truly thankful for the blonde ice queen across from me.

"Hey what did I miss?" Edward said setting down a drink in front of me and taking a seat.

"Oh Bella was just telling us how you met," Emily said suddenly smiling angelically at Edward.

Edward's face went stark white for just a moment before he recovered. He shot a smile at me but didn't say anything as to not contradict anything I might have said.

After the shock and stress of the first half hour I found myself enjoying being with Edward's friends. Well not Emily of course, she was evil incarnate but the rest of them were the bees knees. Rosalie shocked me the most. After she came out of her shell she was really great to talk to. I could tell that there was zero sexual tension between her and Edward so I didn't even feel jealousy over the fact that she was his roommate.

Felix was a lot like Emmett and so we got along great. It was easy to see why James was so enraptured by Victoria, she was quirky fun. By the end of the evening I was pretty sure I made a good impression on all the friends I wanted to.

"They seem to like you better than me now," Edward said as we left the pub.

"Yeah, they are great. I think I'll steal them," I said laughing.

"You don't have to steal, I'll share. That way I come with the deal," he said wrapping his arm around my waist.

"I don't think Emily would like it if you weren't there," I said with a bit more bite than I intended.

"What do you mean?" he asked, his eyebrows creasing.

"Surely you know that she has it bad for you," I said.

"No, she is just a bit protective."

"No Edward, she is into you."

"You think so?" He pursed his lips together like he was considering this a good thing. I gave him a playful slap on the arm and he laughed.

"Yeah, I know. She has asked me out a few times but I've never really thought of her that way. She gives the hairy eyeball to any girl besides Rose that even looks at me. I'm sorry if she made you uncomfortable."

"Nah, after what we have been through to be together and what we are willing to risk later I think I am pretty secure in us. For now anyways." The smile I tried to hold down crept its way up.

Edward picked me up and swung me around while I tried with minimal effort to escape.

"Well, let's get you home before you turn into a pumpkin," Edward said opening the car door for me.

"Why thank you, my prince," I replied getting into the car.

Edward dropped me off at home and I fought the urge to invite him in. The other half of my soul honked the horn and waved as he drove home alone.

**A/N-Don't forget to nominate your favorite stories for the following awards. **

**The Indie Twific Awards**** opens up for nominations on 6/16 and remains open until 6/23.**

**AND**

** . **


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N- Twilight is still not mine**

**Hey everyone, sorry it has been a bit longer than usual. I was building a fence all weekend and it is still not done. **

**Sadiebaby—I miss your reviews I hope you are all set up in Japan and will be back on again with me soon. **

**Thanks to everyone who has been reviewing. It really keeps me going when I have writers block. **

Chapter 22

We were lying on Edward's dorm bed talking. Rose was out of town for the weekend so we were taking advantage of the guaranteed privacy. Jake had been going out of his way to be home more and after seeing Nessie half naked one evening I was getting sick of the intrusion.

Unfortunately privacy came in the form of a single bed. My leg was slung over Edwards' to counter balance my weight. Even a small movement in the wrong direction could cause either of us to tumble to the floor.

"So did you always want to be a Dr when you grew up?" I asked him while drawling lazy circles on his chest.

"Pretty much. It started out with me just wanting to be better than my Dad. I figured if I was a better Dr and a better husband than him it would prove something, I just didn't know what. Once I started training I just knew it was what I was meant to be. I really love it."

"That's really great Edward."

"Do you miss him?" he asked me suddenly sounding shy.

"Sometimes. He was always so confident and sure in me and sometimes I miss the guidance."

"You talk about him like a father and not an ex lover," Edward sounded confused.

"It's because when I think of him those are the parts I miss. I don't miss the physical things, what I have with you is much more than I could ever hope for in that department."

"So my Dad was lousy in bed, huh?" He chuckled. I couldn't believe that we had gotten to the point that we could laugh about this.

"No actually he was very good in bed. Maybe I do miss the sex," I teased.

Edward's arms were tickling my sides before I could finish my thought. We were laughing and teasing when Edward's cell phone went off. As he grabbed it to answer I ducked my head under his shirt and was leaving wet kisses on his stomach.

"Hello," Edward's voice cracked as he answered the phone.

I giggled as I continued my handy work when I heard Edward clear his throat.

"Uh no Dad, that's just the TV."

My head shot up but was still trapped in Edward's shirt causing us both to tumble to the side and off the bed. We landed with a thud. During that I managed to get my head outside of his shirt and I was staring wide eyed at Edward as he continued his conversation on the phone.

"I can't today, I already have plans but tomorrow will work…. Okay I'll call you then…..Bye."

Edward looked up at me like he was going to laugh but changed his mind when he saw my face. I knew I wouldn't be joking about Carlisle and my sex life with Edward again anytime soon. The fear was back.

He pulled me into his arms but the normalcy that we were just starting to enjoy in our relationship was gone again.

Sexy time Bella was gone for the day and I just enjoyed being cuddled. After about an hour of listening to our own breathing I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and just enjoy the time I had with Edward while I still had it. Even though every day I felt closer to him I still knew that it would come crashing down at some point.

I spent the next day hanging out with Alice. Lately she had been a one trick pony in the conversation department.

"So, last night Jasper took me to a tarot card reader and she said that we were meant to be."

"Imagine that," I deadpanned. Alice however didn't notice and kept going.

"And she knew that Jasper was a Dr and said that he was going to be very successful."

"Alice, I love you I really do but if you can't come up with a sentence that doesn't include Jasper in it I may become homicidal."

"Sorry Bella, it's just he's so perfect," I gave her the stink eye so she backpedaled, "so how are you an Edward doing?"

"Good I guess. I like him Alice, actually I'm pretty sure I love him and I am scared shitless because it has like a one percent chance of working out and if it does it will be hard. It could destroy his relationship with Carlisle. I don't know if I can be the person that does that."

"Bella, did Edward destroy your relationship with Carlisle?"

"No, I did."

"Well then you can't destroy Edward's relationship with Carlisle either. It is ultimately Edward's choice. If he wants to pursue this relationship he has to consider the consequences for himself."

"When did you become so smart?" I asked her.

"I have always been this smart, you've just never needed me until now," she chimed.

"I think I liked you better when you were talking about Jasper."

Edward called me when he was done with his visit with Carlisle. He wanted to see me so I invited him over. Jake was home but him and Nessie had been holed up in his room for hours and I'm pretty sure I heard him howling at one point so I figured turnabout was fair play.

"Hey baby," I said answering the door.

Edward's arms slipped around me and I felt whole again. I never realized how much my being missed him until he was in my arms again.

Fifteen minutes later we were sprawled on my bed just enjoying each other in silence.

"How was your visit with your dad?" I always debated internally whether or not to call him Carlisle in front of Edward.

"Good," he replied and then looked away from me.

"Hey, what is it?" I asked worried.

"Nothing, it's just, I told him I was seeing someone." He looked down and his face was filled with worry.

"Someone, but not his ex-wife someone right?" My voice hurried with my question.

"Of course not Bella. I wouldn't do that without your consent."

"Well good because I'm pretty sure you're never getting that." I let out a breath of relief.

"You mean I won't ever be able to tell him about us?" Edward asked.

"Don't say it like that Edward, you knew what you were getting into."

"Well yeah, I thought we would see how it goes and then if we were working then we would tell them." His expression looked hurt and I wanted to kiss the pain away but I knew that it wouldn't solve anything right now.

"I'll think about it, that's the best answer I can give you."

And so began another sexless night for Edward and me. I was beginning to think that I better just keep my mouth shut until I get some next time.

I spent some time after that night thinking about my relationship with Carlisle. I spent so long telling people that he wasn't a replacement for Charlie in the end I wasn't so sure. Carlisle had supported me and loved me in a way that I never got from Charlie.

I figured I needed some time to talk to Charlie and figure some stuff out on my own. If I was going to pursue a relationship with Edward then I needed to make sure it was as baggage free as I could make it.

I had my three sentence conversation with Charlie telling him that I was coming to spend the weekend with him. To his credit he sounded less bored than usual when I told him. Edward pouted a little when I told him that I was leaving town for the weekend but he understood that I needed to see Charlie. I had only talked to him once since the divorce and that was to let him know about it.

I boarded the bus behind two older ladies who appeared to be having a conversation with each other but when I listened closer they were talking about two entirely different subjects. I made it a point not to sit next to either of them. I wanted the trip to think.

I settled into the window seat and pulled out a book. I hoped it would discourage talkers to sit elsewhere. Lucky for me the bus was nearly empty and I had no seat mate. I lowered my book to my lap and watched the bus station disappear as we pulled away. I felt a sense of loss knowing that Edward would be here without me.

I thought about Charlie on the trip up. He was always so distant when I was growing up. I would visit him for two weeks every summer and he would spend the time watching TV or catching fish. Phil was never like a father to me and I always resented Charlie a little for not being one either.

I remembered my sixth birthday and Mom had planned a princess party for me and all my friends. She had forgotten to order the cake and the party hats ended up being Transformers. Charlie called that night and I was upset. He told me that my Mom tried as hard as she could and that I should be grateful. I was so mad at him for taking her side that I yelled, "At least she tried!"

Another time I visited, I was about ten and I counted how many hours I saw him. In two weeks I saw him a total of eight hours. He told me that it was fishing season and that he wanted to catch us dinner. Even as a kid I knew that was crap.

Spending hours upon hours of thinking of all the times your father let you down can be tiring. I slept for the second half of the trip waking as we reached the dinky little station in the dinky little town of Forks.

Charlie was standing leaned against his police cruiser as I exited the bus. When he saw me he came over and grabbed my luggage, loading it into his trunk.

"Hey Bells," he said awkwardly.

"Hey," I replied.

I sighed at the great start and loaded myself into the cruiser. This was going to be a long couple of days.

**A/N-Don't forget to nominate your favorite stories for the following awards. **

**The Indie Twific Awards**** opens up for nominations on 6/16 and remains open until 6/23.**

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	23. Chapter 23

**A/N- Twilight is the property of Stephanie Meyer and I am the property of her.**

**Hey everyone, sorry the updates are not as frequent but due to the yard work that I need to do and the fact that the story is getting more complex to write it may be that way for a while. **

**Thanks to everyone who has been reviewing. I really appreciate each and everyone. If you have never left a review, I would really appreciate a quick one telling me what you think of the story up until now. **

Chapter 23

Charlie looked the same each and every time I saw him. His black hair cut short and his moustache trimmed perfectly. He appeared to always have a permanent scowl on his face, it was caused by his low eyebrows, and well, the fact that he scowled all the time.

We pulled up to the tiny detached home and Charlie hopped out grabbing my bags from the trunk. I mumbled thanks as we headed into the house. The man hadn't changed a thing in the last twenty years nor had he dusted. The pictures on the wall were starting to look foggy and I'm pretty sure I tripped on a dust bunny. I sighed and grabbed my bag from him and headed up to my room.

I heard the TV switch on as I entered my room. I threw my bag on the bed and sat down. "Nice" I whispered to myself, rolling my eyes.

I went to the bathroom and splashed some water on my face and then headed downstairs to see Charlie. He waited until a commercial before he acknowledged me.

"So what do you want to do while you're here?" he asked me, "I am going fishing tomorrow, you could come with me if you like"

"No I don't want to go fishing. Are you just going to ignore the fact that I'm divorced now?" I asked snappily. It had been a long trip and I was punchy.

"What do you want me to say?" he asked muting the TV and turning to me.

"I don't know how about you be a father and hug me and tell me that everything will be okay. Ask me how I'm doing? Shit, anything but watch the fucking TV."

"Bella, that's not fair," he said, his tone was still calm even though I had just finished yelling at him, "I told you I didn't like the idea of you marrying Carlisle."

"Why didn't you do more?" I asked, the tears stinging my eyes.

"Like what Bella? Have you met you? You don't exactly do what you are told. I know I haven't always been the best father, but I have tried."

"Tried how? By watching ball games with me and trying to take me fishing? That's you, Dad it's not me."

"I didn't know what else to do with you; all you ever wanted to do when you were here was read."

"Why didn't try harder to stop me from marrying Carlisle?" I was angry but I knew it was misplaced.

"You are an adult Bella, you made a mistake don't pin it on me."

He was right. It was my own fault, I had planned on coming here and telling him that he was the reason I married an older man. That I was trying to replace the things he never gave me. But I was a grown woman now and I wasn't acting like it.

I slumped down in defeat, my body shook with sobs. The next thing I knew Charlie's arms were around me. I couldn't recall a single hug I had ever received from him and now he was cradling and rocking me. I would have laughed at the absurdity of it if I could have.

"I'm sorry, you're right," I said sniffling.

"Bella, you are my daughter and I always want what is best for you but sometimes things happen and they lead us to the place we are meant to be, even if it hurts getting there."

"When did you start learning how to give advice?" I asked laughing through a sob.

"Why don't you go upstairs and get some rest, maybe we can head into Port Angeles tomorrow and check out the book store."

I hugged him tight. He was trying. He just never knew what he had to do before because I never told him. I could see that I put all the blame on him when some of it belonged to me. Neither of us were perfect and I needed to remember that. I went upstairs and washed my face again before hopping into bed.

Charlie had given me a lot to think about. Was this where I was meant to be? A young divorcee? Maybe I was thinking of this all wrong. Did I meet Carlisle so that I could end up with Edward? When I thought it, it felt right. He was who I wanted. I had been holding back from him in order to not get hurt. I knew how difficult the relationship was going to be so I was only putting in fifty percent. I thought it was destined to fail but I was the reason it was going to fail not destiny.

Edward deserved better than that. He was constantly putting his all in and he had more to lose than I did. I realized how much I missed Edward and if I wanted us to work I was going to have to give my all to him.

The next day Charlie and I went to the bookshop and we ended up having a wonderful time together. It wasn't strained as I might have imagined it being. He told me stories of when I was little and we laughed at the memories. I was surprised when he remembered my favorite kind of ice cream and the look on his face told me that he remembered everything about me. Charlie and I were on our way to recovering our relationship and I couldn't help but think that Edward was the catalyst in this as well.

I hadn't heard from Edward all weekend. I began to wonder if constantly pushing him away had finally gotten to him. I needed to stop questioning whether or not I deserved him, because regardless of that fact he had given himself to me.

The drive home felt long and I knew as soon as I entered the city limits that I needed to see him. The rain started to pour as I pulled onto campus. I had no umbrella so I ran to the building, my body soaking by the time I reached it.

My pants legs were heavy with rain as I walked up the stairs towards his dorm room. I knocked on the door, hoping that I wasn't too late.

Rosalie's beautiful face was surprised as she opened the door and saw me. "Bella?"

"Is Edward here?"

"No, he went out about a half hour ago," she replied.

"Do you know where I can find him?" I asked feeling a sense of panic but couldn't place why.

"No, sorry."

I took my leave and went back to my car defeated. The rain let up just as I pulled up to my house. I could see a figure standing on the porch. It was too dark to make out who it was, but it was defiantly a man. I grabbed my bag and opened my door. The man turned around and his green eyes met mine immediately. Edward.

He came down and grabbed me in a hug. His smile told me that he missed me as much as I missed him and I felt bad for questioning his desire for me yet again.

"What are you doing here?" I asked pulling back from the hug. He grabbed my bag and we headed inside.

"I missed you," he said simply.

As we reached the door I noticed a note taped to the door. Edward ripped it off and handed it to me as he shrugged. I lead Edward into my bedroom; he sat down on the bed as I changed into something dry. I sat down on the bed and took Edward's hands in mine.

"We need to talk," I started. He looked pained and I hated that he immediately thought I was going to hurt him. I decided never again.

"Don't worry; I think you'll like this talk." I continued, "While I was away I realized a few things. I love you Edward and I have been holding back from you. You have been willing to give up everything for us and I have been scared. But I won't be that person anymore. I need you to love me and I need to love you back."

"What does this mean?"

"It means I am not going to shut down on you when we are faced with the hard aspects of our relationship. I'm not saying that I want to come out to your family tomorrow but if things go well for the next few months then maybe we should tell them."

Edward didn't answer with words he just pulled me to him and put it all into a kiss. His lips moved with mine telling me that he loved me and that everything would be okay and I believed it would be. It wouldn't be easy but with Edward it would be worth it.

Edward's hands slowly moved up my body and it responded immediately. Every touch was healing me and I couldn't help wanting it to continue forever. I ran my fingers down his back and under the hem of his shirt. His back muscles tensed as he lowered me onto my back bringing his delicious weight on top of me.

"Bella," Edward spoke softly into my ear, "I know that I am not worth all this trouble, but I am so glad that you are still here with me. I love you and I want you to know that it never had anything to do with my Dad. I didn't want you because of him; I wanted you because of you."

It was everything I never knew I needed him to say and as soon as he said it I was gone. There would never be anyone else for me. He was all I wanted and I had no idea how he could cherish me so, but I was done questioning it. I was just going to enjoy it.

I pulled his face up until he was looking in my eyes. "Edward, you are worth everything to me. I am sorry that I did not show you that before. Let me show you now."

With that I brought his mouth to mine sealing my words with a kiss. Our lovemaking was soft and loving, neither of us wanting to rush to the end. He peppered kisses down my body and I repaid in kind. When we reached our peak we fell over together savoring in each sensation.

We did not separate our bodies and we fell asleep still wound tightly around each other.


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N-Twilight is still not mine.**

**If you guys are not reading The Price of Balance by Averysubtlegift you need to go there and read it NOW! She is a master of the romantic. **

**Happy Canada Day or Fourth of July. **

Chapter 24

I felt myself no longer hating Esme, but curious of her. I wanted to meet the woman who raised Edward into the wonderful man he had become. This thought took me by surprise as I was watching Edward cook me breakfast.

"What?" he said turning as seeing my expression.

"Nothing, I was just lost in my head." Edward gave me a quick look that said he didn't believe me but went back to attending the food.

Watching the muscles in his back move through his tight white shirt was slowly corroding my brain. I approached him and wrapped my arms around his waist. He turned his head and kissed my forehead before continuing to flip the pancakes.

Edward somehow plated all the food with me still attached to his back. The warmth and comfort I felt every time I touched him had only grown and I had a hard time letting go. He finally pulled my arms from around him and turned around taking me into his own arms.

"You are making it very hard for me to want to eat here Bella," he said in a sultry tone.

In a rare bold move I grabbed his already erect penis. "Hmmm, I see. Very hard indeed."

Edward groaned but firmly pushed me into the chair. "Eat," he commanded.

Edward needed to leave shortly after breakfast. He had an early class and I had to go to work. Although my visit with Charlie was needed I felt like I missed out on a weekend with Edward. I headed up to my room and immediately zoned in on the note he had meant to leave on my door last night. I felt like we had come a long way last night and part of me was worried that this note would not reflect the way I was treating Edward now.

_Dearest Bella, _

_I miss you. I know it has only been a couple of days but I am not whole when you are away from me. I know things aren't always easy when we are together but they are harder when we are apart. I know you needed time this weekend so that is why I didn't call you. I hope you know how difficult that was for me. _

_Please call me when you arrive home so that I know you are safe._

_I love you, _

_Edward_

The next few weeks were the best ones I can remember. I pretty sure they were the best weeks anyone has ever had. Edward was as attentive as a boyfriend could be. He was constantly sending me flowers and love notes. He was perpetually widening the gap between us. How did he expect me to keep up to him after he wrote me a song? I was going to need to learn some new tricks to thank him for that one.

I was sure now that I would never get used to the beauty that is Edward Cullen. There needed to be new words added to the English language just to describe the color of his eyes or hair. I was also sure that there was nothing on earth that could make me change the way I felt about him.

The phone ringing broke me out of my thoughts. "Hello," I answered.

"Hey Bells," Emmett said, his voice booming through my phone.

"Hey Em, what's up?"

"It's been way too long since you let me have a crack at you playing pool. You up for it?" he asked, his voice taunting.

"Bring it."

We made plans to meet up at a local pool hall. It felt nice to have plans with Emmett. I had been so wrapped up in Edward lately that I had been neglecting my friends a little. It would do us both some good to have a night off.

I texted Edward quickly and let him know I was hanging with Emmett for the evening. I received a response almost immediately that told me to have fun. No pouting and no guilt for hanging with another guy, yet another reason I was head over heels in love with Edward Cullen.

I will admit it; I prettied myself up for the pool hall. I may be a taken woman but that didn't mean I needed to buy my own drinks. And when I put on tight jeans and a halter top I was sure I would be able to win enough pool games to keep Emmett in drinks also.

We had a bit of a routine. Emmett would spend a half hour "teaching" me to play pool. Then we would wait until some cocky guys would take the bait and challenge us to a game. We would lose the first game if there was no money on the table but as soon as the bet had monetary value the game was on.

I arrived at Corner Pockets at the same time as Emmett. He parked his big jeep just as I got off the bus. He hopped out and scooped me up in a bear hug.

"I missed you too, you big lug," I said as he placed me back on the ground.

We headed in and grabbed a table. The place was pretty busy for a Wednesday night and I was sure that we would make some good cash. I smiled a little at the guys at the table next to us. They were both decent looking guys but nothing compared to Edward. It didn't matter what they looked like now, they would be scowling at me later when I left with their money.

I picked up a pool cue and held it awkwardly in my hand while Emmett racked up the balls.

"Okay, you told me you were going to show me how to do this," I said loudly enough for the boys next to us to hear me.

Emmett gave me a small smirk before he positioned me at the end of the table. He went over some basic technique with me. Leaning over the pool table with Emmett behind me caused me to have flashes of Edward and me at Christmas.

"Okay Okay, I got it," I said standing up abruptly and putting some space between us.

Emmett shot me a funny look but then shrugged and took a shot. The break was purposely bad. I heard the guys behind me chuckle and I put my game face back on. I scratched my first shot, and put on a pouty face that always worked on the pool hall guys.

We finished the game with me scratching by sinking the eight ball out of turn. I crossed my arms and waited for Emmett to rack the balls.

"Hey there," the taller of the two boys called out to me. _Bingo._

"Hey," I replied.

"You and your boyfriend want to have a game?" he asked.

"Well he's just a friend, but sure," I responded. I found that other guys were quicker to make money bets when you were there with a friend and not a boyfriend. I didn't understand it and I didn't question it.

"So do you play much?" the shorter of the two asked.

"Naw, this is really my first time," I said playing my part.

"We aren't very good either," the taller one spoke, smiling a devious smile.

"Maybe we could make a bet. It might help me play better," I suggested hoping not to scare them off.

It took almost no time to get them to agree to the bet. They agreed to put twenty in each. Emmett made his way around the table just as we agreed to everything. Emmett made a show out of scolding the guys trying to take advantage of me. I put up a fight saying that I could take care of myself, it was just for fun.

Twenty minutes later the two boys were scowling at us and we each pocketed an extra twenty bucks.

"So, who's next?" I asked as Emmett and I started scanning the room. My question was answered in silence.

"Em?" I asked again. It was then I saw what his eyes were focused on. "NO!"

Emmett seemed to ignore the firmness in my voice as his lips curled into a smile. It was then he noticed that the object of his admiration was with someone.

"W-W-What the hell?" Emmett sputtered, "Did you know Edward was out with a girl that looked like that?"

"That's Rosalie, she's Edward's roommate," I replied, "so hands off Casanova."

I loved Emmett to death and I knew Rosalie was exactly his type but he was a love em and leave em kind of a guy and I did not need that drama in Edward and my relationship.

Edward looked up at that moment and spotted us. A wide smile broke out over his face as he led Rose over to us.

"Are you stalking me?" I teased.

"Definitely," he responded pulling me close by my hips. I was lost for a moment in the sweet smell of his aftershave.

"Hi Rose," I said not looking away from Edward's lips. When she didn't respond I looked over. "Crap."

Emmett and Rose started tongue wrestling in the quick minute I had devoted to Edward. I looked back at Edward with shocked eyes and he was laughing softly.

"Let's go," Edward whispered grabbing my hand and running off.

"But what about them?"

"I don't think they will notice."

I took one look back at Rose and Emmett and I knew Edward was right. I hoped that it wouldn't make things awkward later but I found myself unable to care with Edward's hand in mine. We headed out into the parking lot and over to his Volvo.

Edward pushed me up against the side of the car and kissed me passionately. I felt his hand drift down my side and settle on my waist. The tingling sensation of his touch shot out from that spot directly to my core. I would never get tired of that feeling.

"What brought that on?" I asked when Edward broke the kiss.

"I missed you. I hate not seeing you."

"Me too," I replied, kissing him again. "Do you want to go park somewhere?"

Edward took a look at his car and then back at me. He raised his eyebrows and with a quick, hell yeah we were off to find an empty road.

**E/N—See that button there. Please hit it and review. Thanks. **


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N- Twilight is still not mine**

**I also posted tonight a quick look at Emmett and Rosalie's night after they left the pool hall. You can find it on my profile with the Carlisle outtake from an earlier chapter. **

Chapter 25

Edward and I were in his dorm room. Rosalie had left for a spa day and we were guaranteed at least eight hours alone. She had a date with Emmett that evening and no one was more surprised than me. Emmett the King of the One Night Stand was actually going on a date. Although they got hot and heavy at the pool hall that night, Rose refused to sleep with Emmett unless he planned on treating her right. She then refused his phone calls for two weeks before agreeing to a date. Emmett thought he was going to get lucky but Edward told me that Rosalie still hadn't decided if she was going to make him wait three or five dates before she gave it up.

All thoughts of Emmett and Rosalie left me when Edward started kissing me. Edward's kisses were passionate and full of mischief. I giggled as I nipped at his ear. I wrapped my leg around his hip and pulled his body closer to mine. He responded by giving my bottom a playful squeeze. We were lost in our own world but we both froze when a knock came on the door.

"Grrrr," I said playfully.

"Don't move," Edward said, "I'll get rid of them and be right back."

While the dorm was really only one big room, with the door open there was no clear line of vision to Edward's bed. I knew something was wrong when Edward opened the door and his posture changed immediately.

"Mom, hi," he said overly loud for my benefit. With superhuman speed I was in the bathroom before I could be spotted.

"Hi honey," I could hear Esme reply, "I just finished my art class and I thought you could come to lunch with your father and I."

"I would love to Mom, but I have some things I need to finish up." Edward's voice was panicked and I hoped that Esme didn't notice.

"Oh, okay dear, another time then."

The tension left my body as soon as I heard the door click. I had been thinking a lot lately about telling Edward's parents about us, but that was not the way to go. I looked at myself in the mirror and noticed that all the color was gone from my face. It was getting better every time I thought about it, but I still wasn't ready to bring our relationship out.

A small knock on the bathroom door was followed by Edward's voice. "Baby, are you okay?"

"Yeah," I replied opening the door.

Edward's arms were around me and he pulled my body to his. We stood in an embrace for a few minutes before I pushed away. I didn't want him to feel bad about the situation so I shot him a genuine smile and gave him a kiss.

"Let's get out of here for a bit," I said. The mood was lost but that didn't mean we couldn't go have some fun.

We waited for about fifteen minutes we wanted to be sure that Esme would be gone and then we headed out. I had only seen one picture of Esme but I would recognize her anywhere. Her caramel hair was shorter than in the picture I had seen but it was still flawlessly done. Her wide eyes appeared young and innocent despite her age. I spotted her sitting on the bench outside of the dorm. A bright smile took over her face as she saw us come out of the building.

Her smile froze me and I stopped. Edward looked down at me and then followed my gaze.

"Shit," he muttered.

"I knew it! I just knew you had a girl in there," Esme squealed as she ran up, "Oh Edward honey, how long did you think you could keep your new girl away from your mother?"

My eyebrows must have disappeared the way they shot up. I never considered the possibility that she had never seen a picture of me. It's not like Carlisle would send her our wedding picture or anything but still it took me by surprise.

"Mom, what are you doing out here?" Edward asked clenching his teeth.

"Don't be rude," she scolded sweetly, "Introduce me to your lady friend."

Here is what I would have liked to happen. Edward would introduce me as Izzy or some other variation of my name. I would smile and say 'please to meet you to Esme' and then we would walk off and deal with the complications another time. Option two would have Edward tell Esme that I was Bella and she would be flustered or maybe angry and we would sulk away letting her deal with Carlisle. Unfortunately fate was nowhere near that kind.

"Esme." The words came from the last person in the world I wanted to see right now. "Bella? What the hell is going on here?"

I closed my eyes briefly hoping for the earth to just open up and swallow me. If God really wanted to smite me I would much prefer he strike me down. Instead I was now stuck in a very public place having a conversation I never wanted to have with my ex-husband, his son and his ex-wife/girlfriend.

"Bella? As in _your _Bella?" Esme asked staring at Carlisle, no longer sounding sweet.

"Edward would you like to explain why you are holding my ex-wife's hand?" Carlisle asked.

I immediately dropped Edward's hand and he looked at me with a hurt expression. I had already failed my first task. We needed to do this together; I needed to be there for him as much as him for me.

"Maybe we should all just head back upstairs and talk about this," I squeaked out.

"Edward what is going on?" Carlisle snapped, ignoring me completely.

"Bella is right Dad, we should do this in private," Edward said.

I took his hand in mine again and gave it a gentle squeeze. I needed him to know that I was in this with him. Carlisle and Esme exchanged looks before heading upstairs with us.

The tension filled air in the room was palpable. We all stood there for several minutes gathering our thoughts or maybe just trying to wake up from the obvious nightmare before us.

Edward was the first to speak. "Mom, Dad, Bella and I are dating." His voice was sure and held no admission of guilt. I wondered how he did it.

"Are you insane? She is my ex-wife," Carlisle spoke firmly never meeting my eyes.

"I'm sorry if this hurts you, this is not the way we wanted you to find out," Edward said.

"How exactly did you want us to find out? Invite her to a family dinner. This is ridiculous, when did this start?"

Edward and I exchanged a quick glance, one that said 'no matter what you do, lie to this question'.

"Since April," I said. My voice was so low I was unsure if anyone heard me. The glare I received from Esme told me that my comment was noted.

"She cheated on me Edward, what makes you think she won't cheat on you?" Carlisle's question was laced with venom. I couldn't blame him really but what I had with Edward was so real and so right. It was what caused me to cheat, but I couldn't very well say that.

"I love him," I opted to say instead.

"And what, you didn't love me?" I finally had his attention.

"Of course I did, it's just…..different," I stuttered out.

"Oh well as long as it is different," Carlisle quipped.

"Enough!" Edward spat out. I looked at him with wide eyes. "I trust Bella and that is all you need to know. Dad you haven't been back in my life long enough to make decisions for me and before you say anything Mom, it was your fault he wasn't there. I know this is rough for both of you but Bella is very important to me and I hope that you will have it in your hearts to at least not interfere with us. You don't have to like it and we don't want to rub anything into your faces, but please just let us be."

I could see the look on both of Edward's parent's faces. He was losing them. He was choosing me over them and I didn't deserve it. I would not desert him but I needed him to take stock of the situation without me there. He needed to listen to all they had to say without worrying about protecting me. I needed to give him time to repair these relationships before it was too late. I knew it wouldn't happen immediately but the ground work needed to be started now.

"Edward," I spoke, "I think maybe you and your parents should have a talk. I think I should go."

Edward looked at me with panic on his face. I placed my palms on either side of his face and gave him a chaste kiss, silently pledging myself to him again. He gave me a slight nod acknowledging that while I was leaving, I wasn't leaving him.

"Esme, this is not how I wanted to meet you but I hope that one day you will look at me with the same smile you gave me before you knew who I was. And Carlisle, I'm sorry. I really am. Your disappointment in me truly hurts me but it won't stop my love for your son."

I gave another look to Edward before I left him to have a much needed talk with his parents.

**E/N- Please review.**


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N- Twilight is not mine.**

**Checkout the outtakes from this here story if you haven't had a chance to yet. **

**Thanks to all the people that have added me lately I appreciate you reading. I hope you will send me a review as well. **

Chapter 26

I made it into the door of my house before the tears started. The bubble had burst and real life came crashing in. I slipped down the door as I let my fears come out. How could a day that started off so perfect end up with me in the fetal position just inside my front door. I felt weak just knowing that Edward was facing his parents while I was here in the safety of my own home.

I didn't notice Jacob until I felt his arms encase me. He lifted me up and carried me to my bedroom. I held onto him like a life preserver. He had promised that he wouldn't be there to pick up the pieces of my relationship and yet here he was caring for me again. Jake was the kind of friend that everyone should have and everyone should be.

"Bells, what happened cause if he hurt you I swear to God…"

"Jake no," I sobbed, "We ran into Carlisle and Esme."

There was silence from Jake as he took in the information. He cursed under his breath and then crawled into the bed with me, cradling me in his arms. He knew that there was nothing to say, he just held me. He was my own personal sun there to chase away the storm with nothing more than his presence. I truly hoped that Nessie knew how lucky she was.

We lay there for what felt like hours before the tears stopped. I was crying for Edward's relationships with his parents. I wanted everyone to have their happy ending even though it seemed impossible. I had sent Jake off to bed shortly after midnight; I needed to be alone with my thoughts.

There are certain things in my life that I will remember forever; one was when my mother told me that not all princess get their prince shattering my last childhood illusion; the second was when Carlisle told me he loved me the first time; and the third was the look on Edward's face when he arrived at my house that night. His face was an open book of hurt when I met him at the door.

"Bella, are you okay?" he asked.

"Edward, don't even worry about me. How are you?" I countered.

"Bella I will always worry about you. I know it's late but I needed to see that you were okay, I know today was rough."

He was solely concerned about me, after the lashing I imagine that he took from his parents, his first concern was me. I wrapped my arms around him feeling the familiar comfort of the electricity of our touch.

"I am fine now that you are here. Please tell me what happened," I pleaded.

"Can we talk later? I need you now." Edward searched my eyes, pleading with me to let him have me. Like there would be anyway for me to say no.

I took his hand and led him to my room. The moment I closed the door he was on me. His kisses were feverish as he clawed desperately to remove my clothes. His passion ignited my own and I found myself wholly unconcerned with anything other than pleasing him. I couldn't be there for him today but I could be all he needed tonight.

My clothes fell to the floor as I unbuttoned Edward's pants. He gave me a firm push and I landed on the bed with a small bounce. The small amount of force and power turned me on even more. He shoved down his pants and boxers with a single move.

Normally at this point I would savor the view but Edward was back on top of me before I had the chance. His movements forceful but respectful, he was taking me but only because I was allowing him to.

His kisses became love bites as he travelled down my body. One hand played with my nipple as his mouth teased and nipped the other.

"Bella, I need you baby," Edward beseeched.

"Take me Edward, please," I responded, begging him to use me as he needed.

A groan escaped his mouth at my response. He lowered his hand to my thigh caressing and squeezing. He stayed only a moment before bringing his touch up to my centre. I arched my back in anticipation of his touch. His fingers played in my folds as he returned his mouth to mine.

Then without warning he pushed two fingers into my wet pussy causing me to jump in surprise and delight. My hands fisted in his hair and pulled earning me a growl that shot straight through my system.

"Edward, please."

"Cum for me Bella, I need you to cum." His words were demanding but his tone was still pleading, almost scared.

He added another finger and then curved them upwards hitting my sweet spot. His hand slammed forcefully into my clit as he pumped in and out of me. Waves of pleasure rolled over me as my orgasm came.

When my body settled I noticed that Edward had sat up and I recognized the same face he had on Christmas. He looked ready to leave, like he was disgusted. I knew this time that it was himself that he was revolted with, I could see the regret in his eyes for taking me that way, but I had wanted it too. I couldn't let him feel that way.

"I love you," I whispered, pulling him back down onto me, "I need you inside of me,"

The crease on his forehead disappeared as he looked into my eyes. He kissed me lovingly but it wasn't what either of us needed. I flipped him over and straddled him, pushing myself down onto his erection. We both screamed out at the contact. We both needed to be reminded of our insatiable chemistry, that nothing could have stopped us coming together. That it was right.

Our bodies rocked back and forth frantically trying to lay claim on each other, trying to recreate the bubble that we had lost. We came again together calling out each other's names in reverence.

We lay on the bed sweaty and tangled, living in our world for a little while longer. His fingers ran through my hair causing me to hum in contentment. I knew we still had to talk. I needed to know where Edward left things with his parents. I just needed a little more time.

"Baby, I need to shower," I said pushing the blankets off of me. Edward groaned at the sight of my naked body. I got up and headed towards the door. "You coming?"

Edward was behind me in a flash picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder. He turned his head and gave my ass a playful bite as he carried me into the bathroom. I knew I had him back, he was my Edward again. He set me down into the shower and stepped in turning on the water.

We washed each other's bodies slowly and with adoration. I wasn't sure what Edward was going to tell me. I didn't know if I could stay if it meant that he would lose his family. I pushed those thoughts away as I heard the water turn off. I would get my answer soon enough.

We got dressed for bed and curled up with one another. Our faces close together and our eyes interlocked. He held my hand and our legs were tangled from the knees down. We were trying to give each other the comfort that we needed for this talk.

"Bella, before we talk about this I need you to know how much I love you," Edward said, his voice soft.

"I know Edward, I love you too." It was true; I knew that the sacrifice he was making just to be with me far outweighed any doubt that I could ever have about his love. He was mine and I could see in his eyes that he was hurting and I hated it.

"Carlisle took it pretty hard," Edward started, "he said that I was a fool, that if you cheated on him then you would cheat on me."

"I figured as much," I responded reserved.

"Bella, I need you to not be mad at me." Edward's voice came out small.

"Never, what is it?" I asked.

"Well he started getting really upset when I tried to defend you. He said that you threw your marriage away for a one night stand that didn't even last. He asked how on earth I could believe that you would stay with me."

"It's okay, baby. We know the truth."

"Well that's the thing Bella. They know it too, I told them." I stared at him wide eyed.

"What exactly did you tell them Edward?" I asked, willing my voice to not shake.

"I told them that I was the one who slept with you. That I was sorry about the way that I did it, that I didn't wait for you to finish your marriage first, but that I wasn't sorry about you. I could never be sorry about us."

"Edward, why did you do that? He could have just gone on blaming me; you didn't have to make him blame you too."

"No, I couldn't Bella. I couldn't let you be their scapegoat, the blame should be shared."

"What did they say?" I moved my body closer to Edwards. I needed to be connected to him in more places. His arm draped across my waist and he started drawing circles on my back. The motion was lazy but I knew that he was tense, it read in his eyes.

"Carlisle looked at me with so much hurt in his eyes. He said that he would always love me but that he needed to not see me for a while. Then he just left me and Mom standing there."

Edward's eyes were glassy as he played through the scene in his mind. I wanted to take the hurt from him. We had brought each other so much hurt but I had to remember that it was always overshadowed by the immense joy that we shared together.

"Oh God, I forgot all about Esme. What did she say?" I asked.

"Well that is where things get interesting. After Carlisle left she came up and gave me a hug. She told me to give him some time. She said that while she wasn't happy with the situation she couldn't deny the love she saw when we looked at each other. And in some crazy way this path has led to her having my Dad back so she can't help feeling a little grateful."

I looked at Edward with a mixture of shock and disbelief. Esme was truly an astonishing woman. I honestly wished that I had had a chance to get to know her under different circumstances. I think we could have been close. I also felt good that Carlisle had her back in his life. I didn't blame him for anything that he said to Edward. We were selfish and he was hurt in the process but I wished him nothing but the best.

"Are you going to be okay?" I asked Edward. He had just gotten his father back in his life, and now he was gone again.

"Yeah, I mean it hurts that he just walked out on me again. And even though I know it was totally warranted I can't help but feel the abandonment I felt as a child when he left."

"I wish there was something that I could do," I said cradling his face in my hands.

"You're doing it," he replied.

I gave his forehead a kiss, portraying all the love I had for him. Our arms wrapped around each other as we fell into sleep.

**E/N- Voting for the Eddies and the Bellies as well as the Indie Twific awards are coming up. Go vote for your favs. **

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	27. Chapter 27

**A/N- No copyright infringement is intended, Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyer. **

**Thanks to everyone who has been reading and reviewing, it rocks my socks.**

Chapter 27

_Edward and I walked hand in hand through the sunny streets, we no longer needed to hide. Everyone now knew about us and we could be together without fear of being discovered. His hand in mine sent familiar shocks through my body. I smiled up at him and his face radiated with the love he felt for me. _

_I felt the need to be closer to him so I slipped my arm around him gaining comfort from the contact. It was only when Edward stopped that I turned my attention back to the street in front of us. _

_Carlisle was standing there with a blank expression on his face. I looked back up at Edward and he glanced at me giving me a reassuring smile. _

"_Edward," Carlisle spoke, his voice as blank as his face._

"_Dad," Edward replied._

_They stayed in the bizarre standoff both faces blank and calculating. Edward squeezed his arm around my back, sending waves of comfort up my body. Carlisle ran his hands through his hair a habit I had seen mimicked in Edward many times. His eyes became sad and desperate as he looked at his son. _

"_You have to choose." Carlisle's voice sounded broken and strained a sharp contrast to his prior mood. _

"_What does he mean Edward? Choose what?" My panicked voice caused Edward to look down at me again. _

"_Bella, it's either you or him," he stated. _

_My heart broke as I took in the options. Edward kept his eyes on me and they promised that I would be his choice. _

"_Edward, you can't choose me over your Father," I said as the tears started. _

"_Yes, I can," he replied looking at me quizzically. _

"_No, you can't, you will regret it and end up resenting me. Us."_

"_Oh, okay," he said as he dropped his hand from my waist, "goodbye Isabella."_

_With that he walked over to Carlisle and was enveloped in a hug. "My son," I heard Carlisle say as the two men walked away leaving me alone. _

I woke up breathing heavily, my arms wrapped around my waist and my body curled into the fetal position.

"Shhh, Love it's okay." Edward's voice was quiet and concerned as he rubbed my back. I rolled my body back over and into him hanging onto him like a life preserver.

I knew the dream had pulled things out that I was not ready to deal with. My fears had been played to perfection in front of me in glorious Technicolor and I was not looking forward to reliving them anytime soon.

"Kiss me," I pleaded, frantic to feel our connection again. Edward obliged leaning in and pressing his mouth to mine in a gentle lover's kiss. I breathed in his scent allowing it to wash over my senses like an anesthetic for the pain.

I whimpered a half sigh, high sob into his mouth causing him to pull away. "What is it, Bella? What's wrong?"

"It was just a bad dream. I just need you to hold me, okay?" I asked shakily.

"Of course," Edward responded cradling my body as close to his as was possible. He hummed a gentle tune to me as he stroked my hair. My wound up body found the calm that it needed in his arms and I fell back to sleep.

The next couple of weeks were plagued with the elephant in the room. Edward had not spoken with Carlisle, he said he wanted to give his father the time he needed. It was becoming abundantly clear that I knew Edward's father better than him. Carlisle was a man who needed to talk things out. He would never be the one to sit and work things through in his own head. The situation would stay stagnant until Edward confronted him.

I stood in the bathroom brushing my hair, looking and yet not seeing my own reflection. My mind was elsewhere, somewhere simpler. The sound of Edward's voice broke me out of my inner musings and I popped my head out the door to hear him. It took me a moment to realize that he was not talking to me. He was pacing the floor and running his hand through his hair.

"Please, can we just talk?" Edward's voice sounded broken. He rounded the bed and sat down still not noticing me in the room. "I just wanted to say….yeah I know…..okay…..okay….bye."

"Baby?" I said causing him to jump. I came around the bed and sat down beside him. "Are you okay?"

"He won't even let me talk to him. I think I've already lost him." I pulled him into my body and he laid his head on my shoulder. He felt like a scared little boy. I ran my hands through his messy hair trying to give him comfort the only way I knew how.

The rest of the week Edward was pulling away from me. He still said all of the things that he thought I wanted to hear but I could see the pain in his eyes. I didn't believe that Edward would leave me but I was selfish enough to not want him to stay as a shell of a man.

I looked down at his sleeping form; he was truly more beautiful than any man had a right to be. His brow was creased even as he slept and I longed to reach out and smooth out the skin on his face. I quietly dressed and made my way out of my room. I did not want to wake my sleeping prince. I didn't want to face him before I went off to slay the proverbial dragon, no doubt he would not take kindly to be my damsel in distress.

I had dressed in my power suit, a black pantsuit that fit me in all the right places while still being classy. I thought of pairing it with a red blouse but thought better of the blatant power color. I went with a royal blue top instead. I knew that he would see through all of it right away, he bought the suit for me, but it still gave me the strength to go through with what I had to do.

I pulled up at the clinic and parked in the gravel lot behind the building. I stared at the black Mercedes, it was taunting me. Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea to bring Edward's Volvo but he had insisted that I could drive it when I needed it, and taking the bus today was something that my confidence couldn't take.

I rolled my shoulders back and took a deep breath before entering the building. There were a few people waiting in the sitting area. An old man with an oxygen tank glared at me as I passed him. I tried to convince myself that he did not know what I had done to his favorite Doctor. A young woman was hacking up what sounded like her lung. The drab feeling in the waiting room was leveling my determination. I quickened my pace and ended up standing in front of the elderly gentleman receptionist.

"Hi there Mrs.….ah… Bella, how are you doing?" Demetri's voice betrayed him; he was clearly uncomfortable with talking to his boss's ex-wife.

"Good thank you Demetri, is Carlisle in?" I said.

"He is just with a patient right now, is he expecting you?"

"No, will he have time to see me or does he have another patient after?" I was beginning to think that maybe this was a poorly thought out plan.

"He is with his last patient of the day, I will see if he has time to see you when he is done," Demitri said giving me a half smile.

I sat down three seats away from a young boy who could not sit still, his Mother holding her arm in pain and scolding him to stay in his seat. The time ticked by slowly, each second was an hour and I imagined the things I would say to Carlisle. I went through every scenario in my head and determined only about five percent of my options could actually make things worse than they already were.

A small Asian lady walked out from the back area and Demetri shot me a look before getting up and heading down the hallway. The time moved impossibly slower as I waited to see what the verdict would be.

I expected to see Demetri return but it was Carlisle's handsome stern face that came down the hall. It took him only a second to spot me and lips pursed.

"Bella," he said in a professional tone. I stood and followed him into the back. I heard the lady with a child huff as she likely expected to be called next. Little did she know that the examining room was going to be used for a different kind of examination that she would want no part of.

Carlisle led me into one of the rooms, I walked in and turned to see the anger flash across his face before he controlled it. This was the reason I wanted to do this here. He was less likely to scream at me in his place of work.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, his tone clipped.

"I'm sorry." It wasn't how I intended to start but it seemed like the best way.

"We've already been through this Bella, I don't care that you are sorry."

"I'm sorry," I repeated, I needed him to see how much I meant it.

"What is this about?" He was starting to shift around; troubled by the direction I had taken.

"I was a horrible wife."He sighed.

"Bella, you were a wonderful wife, right up until you weren't." It was a declaration I had not expected. His tone was sincere but he made no movement toward me. I sank down into the small chair beside the examination table.

"I loved you," I said softly, looking up to meet his eyes.

"Really?" he asked surprised. I cringed, I had never thought about the possibility of him doubting my love.

"Of course, I just realized too late it was the wrong kind of love."

"What does that even mean, Bella?"

"I loved you as a person, not as a mate."

"So now you are going to tell me that the love you have for Edward is different from the love you had for me." He was starting to get angry again.

"Does it matter what I say? Would there be a right answer for you?" I asked.

"No, I suppose not," he sighed.

"I'm not here to talk about us," I said pleading with my eyes for him to understand.

"I didn't think so," he replied.

"He loves you."

"He has a funny way of showing it."

"Would you have left me for Esme?" I asked.

"What are you talking about?" He seemed startled by my question.

"If Esme would have come back and asked you to be with her again, would you have left me?"

"I would have never slept with her while I was married to you," he said hedging the question but I had my answer and so did he.

"We made a mistake, but our love for each other is not a mistake. He's my Esme, Carlisle. I want it for you. You don't have to want it for me but please want it for him."

"I don't know how," Carlisle said running his hands through his hair. The similarities between him and Edward almost made me smile.

"I know it's not the ideal journey but you ended up with the one you were meant for and I'd like to think Edward and I did too. Just be there for him. You don't even ever have to see me again if you don't want, but please don't cut Edward out of your life," I begged.

"I'll think about it," he said.

I gave him the best smile I could muster and thanked him before leaving the room. There had been no tears shed and little progress made but I was hopeful that there could be more.

**E/N- I have a couple of recommendations for all my lovely readers. I'm reading a lot more but don't want to bog you down with recs cause then you won't read any of them!**

**Spellbound**** --****Claire Bloom**** - Which does not have enough readers considering how awesome it is!!**

**Poughkeepsie****-- **

**Son of a Preacher Man**** --****LaViePastiche**

**The Anti Pleasure Dissertation**** --****erinmiyu****—Who is also one of my lovely readers.**

**The Coven****-- ****phoenixhunter47**

**The Sacrificial --Lamb****Lalina**

**The Best Man****-- ****Bratty-Vamp**


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N- Twilight is not mine. **

**So everyone, this is the last chapter. There will be an epilogue to follow. I am writing a new story after this, those who read my one shot 'remember me' might know that I was thinking of turning that into a multi chaptered story, however it is not coming to me so I am leaving that one as is for now. **

**My new story will be set in the 30's with James and Edward as Private Investigators. I am super excited to start this one but I will be taking some time to develop and research. Please add me on Author Alert so you know when I start posting. **

**Thanks to everyone who has been reading and extra thanks to those who have been reviewing. This story has gotten the most response of all my stories and I am humbled that you all have taken the time to read. **

Chapter 28

Some progress I was not ready to take but Edward gave me the puppy dog eyes so I couldn't say no. We were meeting Esme for lunch. She had called and asked Edward if we could meet her and talk. I told him it sounded ominous but he said that she just wanted to get to know me better. That didn't make me feel any better. What kind of conversation do you have with your boyfriend's mother when you have been married to his father? It was giving me a headache just thinking about it.

I enlisted Alice for the first time in many months to help me with my wardrobe choices. She squealed so loudly on the phone that I immediately regretted it.

"Bella, we need to go shopping," Alice said pillaging through my closet.

"Alice, can't you just find something in there?" I asked.

"Bella, you don't seem to have any clothes that scream 'I'm sorry that I married your husband but I am really in love with your son so I hope you will like me'."

"Does anyone have those clothes? Seems like a pretty small market to me," I said smirking. Alice gave me a smack that I'm sure she meant to be playful but really hurt.

"Oh wait, this could do," she said pulling out a pair of black pants and a blue blouse.

"Really?" I said, thinking that I could have picked _that_ out.

"Yes Bella. You don't want to be dressed sexy, obviously, and she already knows you're banging her son so dressing sweetly would be like an insult. You need to dress confident but not bitchy….hence this outfit." Her hands swept up into a Vanna White like _ta-da_ over the outfit.

"I am kind of scared that you just made a little bit of sense to me." This comment earned me another smack. I was sure to have a big bruise on my arm but at least the top she picked out covered that part of my arm.

I thanked Alice for her help and ushered her out the door. Edward was due back in a few minutes. He had been practically living with me since Rose had let Emmett into her goody bag. Emmett found it hot to do it in the dorm room so Edward only went back to his room when absolutely necessary. I didn't mind, I liked having him in my home and I didn't sleep well without him. And as the domino effect took over, Jake had practically moved in with Nessie, probably for similar reasons as Edward. I refused to be embarrassed that the boy made me scream.

"Honey I'm home." Edward's voice reverberated through the house as he came in the door.

"Home, huh?" I replied giving him a hug and a gentle pinch on the behind to let him know I was joking.

"Yes Bella, because home is where ever you are."

The boy was too smooth for his own good. He leaned down and brushed his lips against mine. The kiss was chaste but still left me blazing for more. "We need to go," he said softly, kissing me once more.

"But I can think of better things to do if we just stay here," I pleaded while pulling his hips towards mine.

"Do you really want me to explain to my Mother later that we stood her up so we could stay here and have sex?" He cocked his eyebrow and I knew he had me. "How about I make it up to you and take you out tonight and then we can come back here and do all those 'better' things you mentioned."

"Promise?"

"You have my word," he said. His eyes darkened as he leaned in and gave me a heated kiss. I was the one to pull back this time and I ushered him out the door.

Esme was already seated when we arrived at the restaurant. The butterflies in my stomach were rapidly becoming out of control. The last meeting I had with Esme had not ended well and I was hoping that it wouldn't ever be that bad again.

She stood up when we approached the table and gave Edward a hug. I stood uncomfortably waiting for their embrace to finish before I said, "Nice to see you again Esme."

"Hello Bella," she said before attempting an awkward hug. It ended up having two false starts before we actually connected. I pulled away and gave her a tight smile.

"So Mom, how is your class going?" I was glad that Edward stepped in and broke the tension. He had explained to me that Esme had been taking art classes at the University for a few months now.

"Lovely dear, I am enjoying it far more than I expected to."

"What kind of art is it?"I asked genuinely interested.

"Sketching," she said as I took a drink of my water, "mostly nudes." I couldn't catch my surprise and before I knew it water was squirting out my nose. Out of the corner of my eye I seen Edward smirking and I vowed he would pay for that later.

"Sorry, just swallowed the wrong way," I said hoarse from the water taking the wrong path. Esme started laughing and then Edward joined in. I couldn't help myself and I got caught up in the moment. The three of us sitting around laughing was not what I expected to happen today.

"Excuse me ladies, I need to go use the restroom," Edward said standing. I smiled, it was one of his idiosyncrasies; he always had to pee after a good laugh. Edward had a bladder like a girl.

I watched him walk away from the table and then turned my attention back to Esme. The tension returned immediately and I was all of a sudden very nervous.

"You seem to love my son very much," Esme said.

"Yes, I do," I replied simply.

"It's almost ironic to me. You are exactly what I was afraid of early on in my marriage, a pretty young thing that could come along at any moment and take my husband away from me. The thing is, the thing I realized too late, Cullen men, they mate for life. I was stupid and I let my insecurities get in the way of living my life." I gave her a quizzical look, "Oh I'm not saying that Carlisle never loved you…"

"Esme, let me stop you there. I don't doubt that, I mean I loved him too but I knew even when I had him that he was yours. Carlisle was my first love but I think I always knew that he wasn't my true love." She gave me a small smile of thanks.

"This isn't how I wanted to say this…It's just I know that we didn't get to this place under ideal circumstances but I can see how happy Edward is and I would never want to take that from him."

"Thank you Esme. I know that things will never be perfect between all of us but I hope they can be civil."

"He'll come around. He is the one that has been hurt the most in all of this."

Edward returned to the table at that moment. He took in the situation and shot us each a genuine smile. The rest of the lunch went by pleasantly. Esme in true mother form told me a few embarrassing stories of Edward growing up. Edward would just roll his eyes and tell me not to believe anything I hear.

Esme had turned into a surprise ally. I could fell some of the tension leaving Edward about half way through lunch. After we finished up, Edward walked me to my car and gave me a chaste kiss. It wasn't enough for me but I held on to the promise of the date later that night.

True to Edwardian form he planned the perfect evening. He set up a candlelight dinner at our favorite Italian restaurant and even had flowers for me when he picked me up. We spent the evening in easy conversation. We skipped dessert and headed back to my place.

Our evening activities far surpassed the chaste kiss from lunch and we snuggled together in post coital bliss.

"Mmmmm, that feels good," I said as Edward stroked my hair. We were curled up together, Edward on his back and me on my side with my head on his chest.

"Love, can we talk about something?" he asked in his velvet smooth voice.

"What is it?"

"Where do you see us going? You know, in the future?"

"At this point I just see us together in the future." It was an honest answer. I rarely thought of anything that didn't include Edward and yet I had no distinct plans.

"Do you see us getting married?" he hedged.

"I don't know. There are so many things that make it hard. I don't know if I would be comfortable having Carlisle as a father-in-law. It's just weird." Edward was quiet and I looked up at him to see a pained look on his face. "What?"

"It's just I was hoping that one day I might have the honor of calling you my wife."

"Well maybe you can just tell everyone I am. We do share a last name and all," I said trying to joke myself out of the uncomfortable conversation.

"What do you mean? I thought your last name was Swan," he said sounding a little perturbed.

"My maiden name was Swan, I never got around to changing it back. You seemed to like to call me by that name sometimes so I just didn't feel the need to correct. Are you mad at me?"

"No, I'm not mad. I just…I want it to be me, the reason you carry that name," he said softly.

"I don't know what you want me to do Edward."

"I know, I'm sorry." I laid my head back down on his chest. "He called me today."

"Really?" I asked happy for the news and the conversation change.

"He said you came by to see him." I was unsure by his voice if he thought that this was a good thing. "He wants me to come to see him. He says he wants to try."

I gave Edward's torso a squeeze. It was good news and it was the start of a long road. I hoped that in time we would all be able to sit down together and be a family. Only time would tell.


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N- Twilight is not mine.**

**Sorry, this is not a new chapter but I have an announcement. The Affair has been nominated for a Shimmer Award. If you liked this story, please go vote for it here. http://shimmerawards(dot)webs9(dot)**

EPILOGUE

At seventeen I met the man I was going to marry, and it turned my world around in ways I could have never imagined. I never regretted my choices because even though they led me through some hard times, they led me home.

Carlisle and Esme remarried a year after Edward's first lunch with him. I stayed home from the wedding. Esme had wanted me there but Carlisle did not, it was a fight even I thought Carlisle should win. Edward was the best man and when I saw him in his tux I was thankful I had decided to stay home, there was no way I would have been able to keep my hands off of him all night.

I truly felt happy for Esme. I think we saw a lot of ourselves in each other. We both made huge mistakes in our lives and I was happy that we were both on our ways to getting back on track.

It took two years before we were invited to spend Christmas with Carlisle and Emse. We had had a few dinners and such with each other and they were awkward to say the least. The evenings usually began in an argument between Edward and I. I needed to keep the displays of affection minimal. I thought it would be more comfortable but Edward thought it was better for them to get used to the idea that we were together. Christmas was not the holiday that I wanted to try things out on. It was, after all, Christmas that started the whole mess. We did go. It was uncomfortable but manageable.

Sometimes things were hard for Edward and I. His schooling demanding a lot of time and energy out of him and we found ourselves fighting just like any other couple. At the end of the day we always knew that we would fight harder for each other than against which made it easier to deal with. It did however lead to some good make-up sex.

After three more Christmas' at the Cullens things were as familiar as I expected them to ever be. Carlisle and I avoided speaking directly to each other. It was easier than you would think. Esme easily covered any lulls in any conversations.

Edward proposed to me on New Years. I said no. To be fair the boy didn't even have a ring. We were at home as we had opted not to go out.

"It's nice to not be at an Alice sanctioned event this year," I said as I burrowed myself deeper into Edward's arms.

"Bella?" Edward asked.

"Hmmmm."

"I think we should get married."

"Yeah, maybe someday," I answered.

"No, I mean, I'm asking you. Will you marry me?" His face was so earnest I almost said yes.

"Did you buy me a ring?"

"Uh, no."

"Then there is your answer."

He told me later that he thought a ring would scare me. He was wrong. I was passed being scared by what others may approve of for me. It was Edward's fault I said no anyways, he was perfect and I had come to expect that perfection in my life. I needed him to do better than that.

Edward asked again in March. He took me out to dinner and then walked us to our favorite spot. He got down on one knee and told me all the reasons why he couldn't live without me. He told me that we had already been through the worst and that we deserved to have the best. He then presented me with the most beautiful ring I had ever seen. I said yes. I was surprised to find that Carlisle and Esme had given their blessing. Two days later, I found out I was pregnant, I was truly the happiest I had ever been.

Our wedding was simple and elegant. I had Jake as my maid of honor. He had been there for me through all of the worst and I considered him my best friend next to Edward. Jake and Nessie had two kids of their own and were married four years already.

James had been killed by a freak construction accident six months earlier. Victoria had given up her goth look shortly after claiming that death was no longer sexy to her. Emmett and Rosalie had broken up and gotten back together twelve times. They said it was because they liked the make-up sex the best.

Alice and Jasper moved in together and were common law. Alice said she didn't want a wedding because everyone would expect her to have the 'be all end all' of weddings and she just couldn't handle the stress.

Elizabeth Marie Cullen was born December 25th weighing seven pounds four ounces. It was the seventh anniversary of Edward and my indiscretion and I marveled at how far we had come. My attraction for Edward was still as strong as it was that day. I was still unable to say no to him, I no longer had the need to.

Elizabeth wasn't the only Christmas miracle we received. Carlisle popped his head into the room.

"Come in," I said looking up from the beautiful bundle, "meet your granddaughter." My body was tired but I felt strangely alert, 23 hours and no drugs can take a lot out of a girl.

Edward smiled at me and then slipped out of the room to find me some water. Carlisle took his chair beside the bed and looked over at his new grandchild.

"Do you want to hold her?" I asked. He just nodded and I held out Elizabeth for him to take. Tears filled his eyes.

"Hey sweetheart, I'm your Grandpa," he cooed, "you are going to be the most loved baby in the whole world. Do you know that?"

I smiled at the sight. It was something I had never thought I would see, Carlisle holding my baby. It was something that I didn't even know that I had wanted and now she was everything to me. I wiped some tears of my own away.

"You did good," Carlisle said to me. It was the first words he had said to me on his own since the day I confronted him about Edward. It wasn't much but it was enough, I had been forgiven.

**A/N- This is your last chance to give me a review. I appreciate every one!**

**Thanks for reading. **


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